From Boardroom to Family Room: Andy Goldstrom's Journey

Rich Bennett 0:00
Thanks for joining the conversation today. I am joined by Andy Goldstone, formerly a successful entrepreneur. Andy's life changed when his daughter faced severe depression and anxiety. This challenging and lonely period led his wife in him to enroll her in specialized programs for a year. As they navigated through this many parents reached out to them for guidance, inspiring a career change on Andy's part. Now he's dedicated to aiding families in enhancing communication and connection, a mission he finds incredibly rewarding and vital. We are going to be talking about mental health and how and what A&E is doing to help everybody. So, Andy, first of all, welcome to the show. 

Andy Goldstrom 0:44
And thanks for having me. I'm excited to be here. 

Rich Bennett 0:47
Oh, my pleasure. So I just before we get into talking about your daughter and parent coaching, tell us about your business before your life changed. 

Andy Goldstrom 0:58
Happy to. And I think part of it has what I like to explain is not just about what business I was in and why it worked or didn't work and and all the rest. But also, you know, when it comes to parenting, we talk about that as well as business. Your childhood and the way you were raised really affects your mental state. And my parents divorced when I was 12 and I got caught in the shame and blame game in between the two parents and into a lot of financial stress. So and it wasn't easy for me. And I didn't have the dad who you could talk about girlfriend trouble or how to change your oil in the car. It just I didn't have that relationship with my dad as a teen. I had a very good relationship with him until he passed as an adult. But that took some maturing on my part in his part as well to get to that point. But what it made me what what happened was it made me very independent, very early. I had to be emotionally independent because I couldn't rely on my parents who were just trying to survive themselves and figure things out. And I couldn't rely on them financially. So I had to start working earlier than I would typically work. You know, I didn't wait till I was 16. I was 12. Wow. So, yeah, so long story short, you know, I ended up paying for my college. I ended up getting scholarships to get my graduate degree. And I had some corporate experience out of the gate. But I wanted to have control and be entrepreneurial. 

Rich Bennett 2:38
Mm hmm. 

Andy Goldstrom 2:39
And and so 

in the in the early nineties, 

I partnered with some folks, and we we started a commercial real estate business. 

Rich Bennett 2:55
Okay. 

Andy Goldstrom 2:56
And the business and the business kind of focused on the outsourcing of 

support for companies that occupy space. So it's called it was corporate real estate work. And what normally happened was what normally happened was it was a very transactional business. Real estate still is on the residential and commercial levels. You know, you do deals on the golf course and that still hasn't entirely gone away because it's a it's still a commission driven business. But we kind of turned the the industry on its head. Right. And what we did was we we made it a a CFO facing model where the real estate became an asset. Instead of a cost center. And we integrated all the services. So when it came to the strategy and the transaction and the design and the legal and in the end the administration of it, it all got integrated. And so leveraging the commission revenue, we were actually able to deliver the service 

with more flexibility and more expertise to the corporation at a level that they couldn't do on their own. 

Rich Bennett 4:18
Oh, wow. 

Andy Goldstrom 4:19
And so and so meaning it would cost them less than if they did it on their own and then they wouldn't have people who were experts in the field who were continually getting trained and learning from serving other customers and things like that. And so we hit it at the right time. There was a little bit of a retrench in the economy in the early nineties. Yes. And companies outsource some core functions and and by 2001 we were running 500 company. We actually were one of the fastest growing companies in the country. Wow. And we sold the business in 2005 and I stayed on until 2007 with, with the with the acquiring company. And I learned, you know, it's been six years since I learned the most during that time, because I was essentially a project guy, an account manager kind of guy. Right. That was that was my background. And I had to learn basically how to run a PNL, had a run up, run up, run a division of a company, run do the h.R. Do the sales, do the, you know, manage the financials, innovate, do all of those things. And I and, 

you know, I had I worked with a bunch of you know, I it was a perfect storm in terms of the of some of the partners that I had who just were very vested. 

Rich Bennett 5:51
Right. 

Andy Goldstrom 5:53
In trying to do the right thing and work really hard and and realize that if if one person one day the water would rise, the water level would rise for all of us. And and, you know, I look back on that time very passionately and lovingly. Yeah. And so and so that allowed me to move on to a I got recruited to run a national recycling company and take over for the founder. 

Rich Bennett 6:23
Really? 

Andy Goldstrom 6:24
Yeah. And so I went from running the Southeast for a company and being a senior partner to being the president of a national recycling company. In a few short years, that company grew quickly, became more profitable, and waste management purchased it. 

Rich Bennett 6:43
Oh yes. 

Andy Goldstrom 6:44
It was one of those. If you can't beat them, join them. 

Rich Bennett 6:46
I was going to say, I think they buy everything. 

Andy Goldstrom 6:50
Yeah. And then I. And then I. And then I took a job with a with a global investment bank to get some global experience. And I did that for six years. And so and then, you know, after a number of reworks and changes in the in the investment bank, I just realized that I was getting old enough and experienced enough. I had made all the mistakes. I had seen the movies. I had money in the bank. Maybe I can start helping others, you know, who who, you know. Haven't seen the movie yet. Right. And and the barriers to entry changed. Right. Like in 2000, if you wanted to start a company and you wanted to scale it at all, relating to the technology, relating to the people that were acquired. Just to get to just to get to a million bucks probably required at least six figures. $100,000. 

Rich Bennett 7:54
Yeah. 

Andy Goldstrom 7:54
Today you can just pop open a website or an e-commerce store or, you know, or just open a service business just by starting a website and, and networking. And so that doesn't mean you know, how to sell. That doesn't mean, you know, at a price. It doesn't mean, you know, to serve, that doesn't mean anything. So so, you know, I help people. I've helped people in the service business because that's where I. Right. Lawyers, CPAs, Doctor ers, real estate people, things of that nature where, you know, they they have a good trade. They understand what they do well. But then when it comes to 

managing that business and scaling that business, it's tough. And the biggest thing I've had to deal with over the past few years is just the people part, you know, the the between COVID and working remotely. And and what people see on social media and 

inflation and the needs people have and the social impact people want to have or environmental impact or whatever it is you're really you're, you're really having to work extra hard to get people to be on board with your mission and to be loyal and be productive and contribute and and so that's a major focus because if you lose a productive person, 

by the time you hire a new person and get them to be productive, it's very costly. 

Rich Bennett 9:28
Yeah, it is. It's amazing how how much just everything has changed just from 2000 to now, the technology and the even the business mindset. So your transition from a business entrepreneur to a certified parent coach is actually pretty fascinating. Can you share with the listeners what inspired this significant career change and how your previous experience has enriched your current role as parent coach? 

Andy Goldstrom 10:00
Sure. 

Well, you know, I touted some great accomplishments and kind of a nice career path, but I'm a very flawed human and and we all have our strengths and weaknesses and all the rest. And my wife and I agreed in 1998 that she would step aside from her work, from her career. She had a law degree. She was doing estate planning work to raise our kids. And I would you know, my priority would be, you know, being the breadwinner first and family a close second, but family second. And so if I needed to work late, if I needed to travel, if I needed to do something, you know, I'd be able to do that and there wouldn't be an argument about it. Mm hmm. And we kind of had that agreement upfront, which was which is an important thing to do. 

What I didn't recognize 

was that there were some consequences to that. Yeah. And so, you know, I made money. I was successful in business. I learned a lot. I grew a lot. And I was pretty good with my employees. I had employees who were loyal and and really productive. And a lot of it had to do with me being attuned to them and understanding their needs and helping them develop the scale because I couldn't skim unless I trusted them. Right. Because we were in the service as it was all about the people. So 

when it came to 

my family, 

my daughter developed some anxiety and depression when she turned 13, she's 23 now, but when she was 13, it kind of emanated and she was this carefree kid, never met a stranger, was smart, 

effervescent, always laughing and it changed. And what happened was 

we got her tested and it ended up that her short term memory was impinged. So she tested in the 12th percentile for short term memory, which meant based upon the way things where her brain was developing, in the way she was taking in information. She didn't retain it at the, you know, 

at the levels that she should be. So 

what happened was her peers started surpassing her socially and academically, and that made her upset. 

Rich Bennett 12:49
Yeah, I can understand. 

Andy Goldstrom 12:52
Yeah. So what we did was we tried to do what most parents would do. We tried to get her tutors. We got her a psychiatrist to medicate her for anxiety and a, B, D 

we 

had her had her work with a local therapist. We got her an IEP, a program at school to give her extra time and support and all the rest. It was a Band-Aid. It didn't. It didn't work. Well, yeah. And so 

it got to the point where she was 

doing drugs and and being defiant and sneaking out late at night and doing some things that put herself and others potentially at risk. And it came to a head in December of 2017. And we kind of we we weren't aware of it, but we came across an ecosystem 

where there's treatment where you send your kid away for more advanced therapy, and it was called wilderness therapy and then subsequently residential treatment. And 

it was drastic because literally we were moving her from her senior year of high school 

right in the middle of her senior year of high school, in order to keep her alive and to help her and yeah, and so we did that and she was in wilderness therapy for ten weeks. And that's kind of a reset button. We're right here. And then she was in residential treatment where she got she got additional therapy but was given a job, had to work, do things that 

allow you to have some stress back on you along with therapy, to be able to transition back into real life thereafter. And so it was a 13 month process 

that when we did that, we invested in parent coaching because we realized that it wasn't just her that needed to be fixed. It was and needed help. It was my wife and I, and this is what occurred. 

I was the get it done kind of parent because of my work focus and the way I was brought up. I just got it done. You know, that's the way I was raised. I just, you know, if there was some adversity, I just learned how to overcome it. Right? And so but I was on a tuned meaning. I didn't understand or make the effort or have the ability to really understand what was going on with my kids. I just saw the the output or the struggle. Yeah. And authoritarian parenting is not good. It's okay to be demanding. You have to be a tuned My wife was the opposite. She always wanted to be a mom. She always wanted to be the kid's friend. And so she was the permissive parent. She was attuned, but she couldn't hold barriers or boundaries at all. Um, so I would come home after a business trip and the kids would be nagging my wife to death until they got her got their way. Right. And, and, you know, my wife would eventually yield and, and 

she was just doing her best. But at the time I saw at the time I didn't see it that way. So 

parent coaching release, it really helped us because it allowed us to grieve 

because the path that our daughter was taking was not the path that we expected and we saw the suffering. It allowed us to forgive each other because my wife and I were blaming and shaming each other for why our daughter ended up the way she did it. And then it allowed us to communicate better together and more proactively as parents and with our daughter. 

And the best example of that at the end of the parent coaching was we were hoping our daughter would come home in December of 2018. 

MM She had gotten enough therapy, she had passed enough 

milestones for, for, for her to be ready to come home. We had visited her along the way a few times and certainly kept in touch with her therapy team. But she we, we were advised to kind of put together a structure or a contract for a safe landing. And one of the things that my daughter insisted on was that she had the ability to come home and kind of make up for some lost time and be able to party again. And she said, you know, I don't need the drugs or alcohol anymore because I've learned some coping mechanisms for my short term memory and other things. I but, you know, I didn't get to go to my prom or graduation or other things. And I went to come home and smoke and drink. And we basically said, you know, we agreed on everything else. But this was a big a big deal. And we basically said, no, you know, this is we've all invested a lot here. This is a second chance for you and for us. And we can't. You're an adult now. She was she had turned 18. We can't tell you what to do in the long term. But as long as you're as long as you're still dependent upon us, at least for 90 days, we can't have that. And she Duggar then she basically said, I'm not going to agree to that. And we went and we went back and forth a little bit and ordinarily my wife would have given in and. Right. And I probably wouldn't have been as understanding of what my daughter was going through and trying to push for that. 

Ultimately, we stood our ground and she didn't come home for Christmas. She didn't come home until the end of January 2019. And so we didn't get to see our Christmas. In fact, it was miserable for her because a lot of the staff and a lot of her peers got to go home at Christmas time and she did not. And she was on the West Coast. We were on the East Coast. And she basically said when she came home, 

I didn't think you guys were going to stick to it. 

And, you know, you guys pretty much know what's best for me. And it showed here. And and though it was hard, you know, I appreciate what happened. And so she had a safe landing. And, you know, now she lives with her boyfriend and works and it doesn't mean she doesn't have her issues or stresses or anxiety or panic attacks at times. But she's a productive, functional member of society. And if she hadn't we hadn't gone through that, she might not be here. So we're grateful for that. And and and, you know, my company, you know, the I got certified as a parent coach because the parent coaching was so monumental to me. And, and, and then there were a lot of other parents or parent who started calling me who saying saying I saw what your daughter's going through. I'm struggling, too. Can you talk to me about what you kind of went through or I know a friend of a friend, can you talk to them kind of thing? And it just made me understand that 

there's a stigma out there. People feel alone. It's it's expensive. People don't know where to turn. It's not like when you have it's not like when you, you know, you you 

fracture a finger, you know? Yeah. You go to the doctor. The doctor will say, I've seen this 100 times. I know exactly what we need to do to put it in a splinter or do whatever. I know what medicine you need to take. I know how much it's going to cost. I know how long it's going to take to to to to heal. 

Mental illness doesn't have that kind of, you know, every. 

Rich Bennett 21:28
You know, it. 

Andy Goldstrom 21:28
Does, right? You can't do it that way. And so so, you know, since 2018, I got certified as a parent coach through to national organizations. One is aligned with the International Coaching Federation. And what it did was it leveraged my business acumen in a way that could apply to 

consumers or individuals just trying to get the best out of their situation and leverage their strengths. And so I've been doing it for you know, I've been doing it since early 2019. And, 

you know, the people I've been able to help, it's just been you know, it's just been amazing and it's rewarding. Yeah. And I give credit to the you know, I certainly am the facilitator and I have a framework that I use, but a lot of it has to do with the people. They have to be vulnerable and admit that they need to change and they need to do the work. 

Rich Bennett 22:33
And yeah. 

Andy Goldstrom 22:35
You know, and the, the average Google score I've gotten over that time is 4.9 out of five. So sweet. Yeah. So it's not just about the result, it's about the path that people take and how they feel supported. And and I'm kind of the guy I realize that life gets in the way sometimes. So I try not to be rigid and I teach people not to have rigid thinking. Yeah. And, and, 

you know, so if somebody if something comes up and they need to cancel, I don't know my schedule so much that it's overwhelming to me or I can't fit people in, I just do that by design. I have that choice because I was successful in other business ventures that make me not want to. 

Rich Bennett 23:20
Slam. 

Andy Goldstrom 23:21
Everything in right. And so yeah, and so 

and you know, so I'm grateful for where I am. I'm still doing some work 

helping some small businesses. And I you know, a lot of my focus is on the parent coaching aspect. 

Rich Bennett 23:42
So one of the things you mentioned was wilderness therapy. What exactly is that? 

Andy Goldstrom 23:48
Well, it came out of Outward Bound and boy, scouting 30, 40 years ago. 

Rich Bennett 23:53
Okay. 

Andy Goldstrom 23:54
And the idea was if you had a kid who was troublesome, it would take them away and kind of give them some structure and discipline that would set them straight. 

Rich Bennett 24:07
Mm hmm. 

Andy Goldstrom 24:10
It evolved about 20 years ago into a more therapeutic kind of environment, and it's continuing to evolve. It's had some controversy, really, in that there's been a movement with some people who 

feel that they weren't treated well or didn't fare well through the process. 

And. 

Rich Bennett 24:36
Okay. 

Andy Goldstrom 24:37
And the most the biggest luminary who's been most vocal about it is Paris Hilton, because she was sent to wilderness therapy. She was she was her parents couldn't deal with her at the time. And they sent her away and and and gave her that gift. And she felt she was mistreated. And and and certainly there's there's been some cases of that recognizing that these kids are really struggling. This is not my kid, Winnie Broccoli. This is my kid just cutting my kids doing drugs, my kids defiant. So they get sent and they get sent to these wilderness therapy locations. And 

and and she may very well have been you know, I don't think she's the typical candidate for wilderness therapy from a demographic standpoint. But doesn't you could have mental illness whether you're on whether you're a billionaire family or in poverty. But right but the issue the negativity has been around 20 years ago where some kids were mistreated, where the programs got shut down or disciplined or, you know. 

Rich Bennett 25:58
Wow. 

Andy Goldstrom 26:00
Is very different than where it occurs today. Today, there are there's a national 

organization and that that monitors and only accepts certain programs called Nat SAP, the National Association of Therapeutic Schools and Programs. 

Rich Bennett 26:22
Okay. 

Andy Goldstrom 26:23
There the states are it's not regulated nationally, but it's much more heavily regulated state by state. 

And, you know, and and I'm of the philosophy that nothing is ever perfect. 

Rich Bennett 26:41
Nope. 

Andy Goldstrom 26:42
And now 98% of the programs are terrific and 98% of the experiences are terrific. The 2% are the ones who are most vocal. And and and so my issue is don't don't bring up what happened 20 years ago and tell us that it's that it's it's problematic today in the same way and and don't 

and you know and look at the facts about about the difference 

before and after with the kids and the track records and how their families have prospered as a result and what and how it's changed lives and I'm proud to be I'm on two boards, nonprofit boards, ones, the sky's the limit fund. You can find out and look at it. Sky's the limit fund, dawg. It's been it's a nonprofit that provides grants to families who need financial support to send their kids to wilderness therapy. So last year, we gave out over 1000000 to 2 of our 100 families needing support. 

Rich Bennett 28:05
Wow. 

Andy Goldstrom 28:05
And so 

because I watch the other. Because I believe in it. Because I believe. 

Rich Bennett 28:11
In. Yeah, well, you wouldn't be doing it if you didn't. Yeah. 

Andy Goldstrom 28:15
The other one has to do with neurodiversity, so it's. 

Rich Bennett 28:19
Oh, okay. 

Andy Goldstrom 28:20
So it's actually 

it's actually the Center for Neurodiversity and Employment in Innovation, the Center for Neurodiversity and Employment Innovation and what? 

Rich Bennett 28:36
That's a long one. Yeah. 

Andy Goldstrom 28:37
And and I'm on the board of that, too. I'm actually being asked to be the president of the board, and I'm considering. 

Rich Bennett 28:45
It nice. 

Andy Goldstrom 28:46
In a leadership way because of my entrepreneurial background and what this does is there are kids who have learning disabilities who are smart enough and can navigate well enough to go to college, maybe with some additional support or all the rest, but then they don't know how to navigate getting a job. Yeah, because they're a little awkward or they don't know how to interview well, or they don't know what to pursue or they don't engage because they're not confident enough in their social skills. 

Rich Bennett 29:22
Right? 

Andy Goldstrom 29:23
So they don't so their, their, their ability to get a job is not based upon their ability to do the work or how smart they are. It's based upon that that social element or that that way of navigating. So 

there's a part half of what they do is half of what this organization does is, is focus on that. 

Rich Bennett 29:42
MM. 

Andy Goldstrom 29:43
The other on training kids and Okay. And training the career development departments at schools. The other half is training companies. So it's actually working with companies in there about how to attract these kids and had a. 

Rich Bennett 30:02
Uh. 

Andy Goldstrom 30:03
And how to leverage them so that they can feel comfortable and work. So let me give you an example. You have a kid who is maybe highly functional, but on the autism spectrum. 

Rich Bennett 30:17
Right? 

Andy Goldstrom 30:19
He can he or she could be female and can 

code or do programming better than just about any peer that they have based upon their focus. Right. 

But they can't sit in a room in a meeting because they feel overwhelmed and can't participate. And there's too much noise going on in their head. So, 

you know, most employers are like, well, that person has to be in the meetings. We can't communicate unless we have to be in the meetings. And, you know, and and so what happens is the kid, you know, the young person becomes less productive, feels very uncomfortable, doesn't produce as well, eventually quits or is fired. 

Rich Bennett 31:11
Mm. 

Andy Goldstrom 31:12
And, and you're just not gaining the benefit of that. And so it's a way to tap into their genius. 

Rich Bennett 31:22
Yeah. Because there's, I mean a lot of businesses are missing out because there are a lot of, a lot of very smart kids and adults out there that unfortunately yeah, they do have other issues which do not allow them to, you know, work within different companies because the companies aren't looking at that. I love that. That's not. What's the name of that? That's the long one, right? The long nonprofit. Yeah. 

Andy Goldstrom 31:50
I'll get you the I can get you the website. It's actually a fairly honest ironically, I was involved. I went to the University of Connecticut and I'm a proud husky. 

Rich Bennett 31:59
Okay. 

Andy Goldstrom 31:59
Got my undergraduate there and I got my graduate degree there, my MBA there as well. And and through their entrepreneurship, through their entrepreneurship department, it's called the Worth Institute. W e r t h. 

They realized that this was an entrepreneurial opportunity that was important 

financially, but also 

for the good of, of, of, you know, of our of our people. Right. You know, just a good social impact thing to do. And so, so 

so it's it's you know so if you Google we can put it in the show notes but if you Google 

University of Connecticut Center for Neurodiversity and Innovation, it'll pop up. 

Rich Bennett 33:00
Okay. Yeah, because I love it. I would definitely love to include the links to both of the nonprofits in there 

because. 

Andy Goldstrom 33:09
Yeah, that would be great. 

Rich Bennett 33:10
Yeah. Nonprofits, you know, they need the donations because they're out there helping people and volunteers and everything. And people don't realize, well, some people realize there are others that don't, that it doesn't matter if that nonprofits in another country you could still make a difference every little bit helps. And yeah, I definitely like to include that. 

Andy Goldstrom 33:34
Great. Yeah and you know I happen to be a doer. Somebody get stuff done. I've gotten results in business. I've gotten results in with the parent coaching. So people, 

you know, and I try not to commit to something that I can't add value to or that I write, you know, or that you know, I don't put my name on it to put it on my resumé and then not show up. Yeah. And, and so, so you know, and you know, that being said, you know, I'm, I just try and do my part, you know contributing financially and and doing my part on both of the boards and and so you know and that's good you know it's my opportunity to give back a little bit. When I was growing my career and I was traveling all over the world, I didn't have the capacity, much less the schedule, to be able to allow me to do some of these. Right. 

Rich Bennett 34:34
So in the beginning, you mentioned you had was a three daughters, right? 

Andy Goldstrom 34:40
I have two. 

Rich Bennett 34:41
Two daughters. Okay. So going through all of this, how how is your other daughter? 

Andy Goldstrom 34:46
Yeah, well, ironically my other daughter is on the autism spectrum. 

Rich Bennett 34:51
Really. 

Andy Goldstrom 34:53
So she's that's part of the neurodiversity thing. So she's. 

Rich Bennett 34:56
Take. 

Andy Goldstrom 34:58
She's she's very high functioning. Mm. She and she works and she's independent. She never had 

drug issues or Right. Issues that required us to make the kind of investment or issue we did send her to private school. She needed a smaller environment. 

Rich Bennett 35:21
Right. 

Andy Goldstrom 35:22
And and ironically, the thing that tuned me into neurodiversity was something that happened 15 years ago when she was 13. 

We were we went to California on a family vacation. And it was at a time where you still still had laptops where if you wanted to watch a movie on your laptop, you would pop the DVD. And they did. Yeah. They didn't have that on the TVs or on your phones or whatever it was. It would and and I sat next her on a flight across the country, and I was watching a suspense movie of some sort. And I had my earphones in and she was playing a game or reading a book or doing something next to me and no sound and about half an hour into this two hour movie, she taps me on the shoulder and I said, You know what? What do you need? And I paused the movie. She told me how the movie ended, huh? 

Rich Bennett 36:30
That's right. I said. 

Andy Goldstrom 36:32
I was flabbergasted. I had you know, and I'm you know, I consider myself relatively smart and I can figure stuff out. And I like reading mysteries and suspense stuff. Yeah, I read all kinds of stuff. I'm a big reader, but my jaw hit the floor, you know, figuratively. And and I had to watch the rest of the movie to see if she was right and she was right. So that made me understand that some kids have some superpowers because they're so focused, 

you know, in certain in certain things. The thing that, you know, she's she's got very strong sensory issues. So she's yeah, you know, so she's too hungry or too hot or too cold or, you know, textures of foods. Those are the things that that affect her more than the average person. 

Rich Bennett 37:24
Right. 

Andy Goldstrom 37:25
But she's but she's she's got a big heart. She works really hard. She works in the daycare industry. 

Rich Bennett 37:33
Oh, wow. 

Andy Goldstrom 37:34
And and, you know, and she's you know, and she's doing fine. But but it's like she had to she had to find a place that she could fit in because sitting at a desk in a corporate job was not something that she was ever going to be successful at. She's to she's to 

she needs movement. She needs to she you know, she needs to. 

Rich Bennett 38:03
Yeah. 

With the parent coaching thing. And this is something that I think a lot of parents struggle with. 

Andy Goldstrom 38:14
Yeah. Can I interject? I never figured I never answered your question. 

Rich Bennett 38:20
Oh. 

Andy Goldstrom 38:21
It was my fault. Your question was, how was your daughter? Your older daughter? 

Rich Bennett 38:26
Yes. I'm sorry. 

Andy Goldstrom 38:27
It's going through all of this. It was my fault. I kind of circled and circled. 

Rich Bennett 38:31
But I would look, were you told me that she told you the end of the movie? That just floored me. 

Andy Goldstrom 38:37
I know it's a it's a it you know, it's a good it's a good story. Yeah. But she was away. She was in college. She great. She got a college degree. So when some of this was going on because she's five years older, she was away. 

Rich Bennett 38:56
Okay. 

Andy Goldstrom 38:57
So she saw what was going on leading up to it. 

But she wasn't she wasn't as directly affected right. 

And so, 

so long story short, even I took up so much other time. It wasn't it was there wasn't as director correlation. I do work with when I do work with parents as a parent coach, I want to make sure two things to happen. You have to be attuned to your kid. I learned that lesson. Second thing is the parents forget about what connected them so if the parents are still together as a married couple or partners. 

Rich Bennett 39:42
Mm hmm. 

Andy Goldstrom 39:44
They don't. They tend to focus on their work and their child raising and forget about them being why they fell in love. Right? Yeah. What happened? Right. I'll ask. I'll ask them, you know, do you have anything that you plan where you just do things together. And the answer I normally get is no. And I said, Okay, do you ever go out to dinner? And they said, Yeah, we went out about three weeks ago. I'm like, Great. What did you talk about when you were at dinner? Our kids, right? So it's no wonder they're not, you know, parents are not enjoying each other. 

And then when they become empty nesters, they don't know what to do because all they're focused on is their jobs and their kids and then, you know, and then what happens is when your kids are in distress, you know, one of your kids is in distress, they get a lot of the focus and attention. It just happens that way when you're in crisis and the other kid, you know, can be ignored or can you know, and the impact on that kid can be drastic as well. And so being able to make sure that the other children in the household get the get support, but also understand what's going on is really important. And then when it comes to co-parenting, I work with a lot of co-parenting situations where the parents are separated or divorced or never got married or all the rest, and they're just trying to you know, there are a lot of hard feelings between the between the, you know, the two parents who split up for whatever reason. They split up and they want it. They want the best for their kids. But more than anything, they want to have control and make sure that they're right and then that the other person's wrong. And so I work I work a lot with co-parenting scenarios. 

Rich Bennett 41:37
Do you pull both of those parents in together? 

Andy Goldstrom 41:41
No, I. 

Rich Bennett 41:41
Typically. 

Andy Goldstrom 41:43
I typically represent one side. 

Rich Bennett 41:46
Okay. 

Andy Goldstrom 41:48
And it's about how, you know, it's about, you know, we've got a blended family. I got remarried 

and my ex-wife, you know, is 

making demands of me that are unreasonable and they're not collaborative. And it's putting stress on my relationship with my current wife. And I'm not dealing with my kids well as a result of it. How do I get through that? 

Rich Bennett 42:21
Yeah. 

Andy Goldstrom 42:23
And I recently 

and I work with a lot of 

lawyers who who when parents are going through divorce. 

Rich Bennett 42:39
Mm hmm. 

Andy Goldstrom 42:40
The dad frequently 

is on attuned and so or not involved enough. And what happens is, is part of the divorce proceedings. There are some family lawyers who know me who will recommend that the dad get some parent coaching. And so so when there's a so part of part of a divorce decree or divorce judgment involves that. And I actually just got a new client that yesterday where the agreement just came over the email has, as we're speaking, relating to a dad who who's, you know, who who wants to do the best thing for his kids and wants to manage his divorce but doesn't know how to. 

Rich Bennett 43:29
And wow. 

Andy Goldstrom 43:31
And so and so, you know, when I can help there, it makes a big difference. And, you know, it certainly would have made a big, big difference if my parents got that kind of. 

Rich Bennett 43:43
Yeah. The resume, sir, actually is a parent coach, a type of therapist. And if not, what's the difference? 

Andy Goldstrom 43:52
Yeah, there is a big difference. A therapist a both are both serve a great purpose. Hmm. A therapist is somebody who's gone to school for four years who knows how to diagnose. You know, do you have or do you have ADHD? Which psychiatrist should you work with? 

Rich Bennett 44:08
Right. 

Andy Goldstrom 44:09
And how you know, what can you do to heal your child? For me, it's it's it's more a parent coach is more like an action plan. It's what what is it that and that's where my for a framework I mentioned a framework comes apart. It's what I do is I help assess. So I go back into people's childhoods and try to understand what trauma they've gone through. 

Rich Bennett 44:36
Right? 

Andy Goldstrom 44:37
What's worked for them as adults, as parents, as and where they've struggled, what their goals are. So first I assess, then I address and I write, putting a plan into place. Then we act. So we bump against the world and see how it works based upon certain approaches, and then we adjust. And so the accountability and the adjustments are, are what allows it to stick. Yeah. And make sure that that that the changes can can it can improve their lives and help them build their confidence and joy. And so 

so therapists serve a role, but parent you know, I pride myself on being a parent coach for a couple of reasons. One is it fits within my background well in the way I deliver deliver things because I'm action and results oriented. 

And, you know, I didn't I don't pretend I didn't go to school to be a therapist. You know, I have a I have a business degree, Right? So, so, so and in my mid-fifties, I'm not going back to school. But I got trained, you know, I took to programs that were in our year long together. You know, each each one was a year they overlapped. Wow. So it wasn't like I didn't get training. I had to you know, I had to read. I had to simulate. I had to take exams. I had to have a certain amount of hours. I had to go through all of that. And so so, you know, it gave me it gave me the ability to have to to more fully leverage 

what works for people as opposed to imposing or suggesting approaches. 

Rich Bennett 46:31
Right. 

That's one of the things. And this I think a lot of parents struggle with this. But I remember growing up, you had to was always off by 11 because there was nothing on the TV afterwards. Now we have 24 seven TV, 24 seven news adding to that social media, what were some of the recommended approaches you can give to parents? You know, especially now with 24 seven social media and all the influencers out there, especially and the 24 seven news? 

Andy Goldstrom 47:11
Yeah, I mean, we could have a separate episode on this for itself. 

Rich Bennett 47:15
Well, I know we can have separate episodes on a lot of stuff. 

Andy Goldstrom 47:18
Yeah, 

couple of things I'll touch base on. One is I get asked a lot when should I get my kid a phone? And my answer is it depends. 

Rich Bennett 47:30
Mm. 

Andy Goldstrom 47:32
You know, when I coach people, I coach about being proactive in setting boundaries and making it a collaborative approach with your kids. That way. The kids know in advance what the rules are, what the swim lane is, and what the penalty is or the consequences if they don't line up and what the benefit is if they do. MM That way it's not a surprise and a retribution and a punishment that's unknown. And then they by doing that, they're making the choice do I want to experience the benefit or No. One of the consequence. And if, and if they know what the rules are for technology in the House, you know when they can access it, what they can access, what if a predator comes in, you know, in, you know, 

goes through social media and tries to address you or a bully, 

all of those things, then, you know, if those things are understood and aligned and there's good communication with the child about it, then you can do it sooner. Yeah. If it's just going to be, here's your phone, do whatever you want, then you might not ever be ready. Right. So and I think the biggest thing is, is social media makes 

comparison and bullying a 24 seven thing. If you went to school before and ever got bullied or felt social pressure, at least you can come home and hang out with your friends or do an activity and not feel that stigma. 

And now it's a 24 seven thing. So kids have additional pressures with social media, also with access to drugs and alcohol, also with safety in schools and also with parents not understanding how to raise them nowadays. I mean, a lot of parents, what I have to focus on is they're like, know, I was brought up in the north and we just you know, we just sucked it up and got it done. So I'm telling my kid to suck it up and get it done. And that doesn't always work. 

Rich Bennett 49:37
No? Nope. Society change to want. 

Andy Goldstrom 49:42
To kids just, you know, kids just want to be understood. Mm. And they want to have choice and control. That doesn't mean you're agreeing to do it. In fact, you know, when you're when you're talking about 

consequences for phone use that go beyond the barriers or go beyond the boundaries, you're giving them a choice. 

Rich Bennett 50:04
Yeah. 

Andy Goldstrom 50:05
When I want to get together with and talk with my kids about something important, I preview it with my wife. So we're on board. 

And then I give my kids a choice. I don't interrupt them and say, We need to speak now. Right. Whatever they're involved in is important to them. Whether I think it's important or not. And so I basically say I'm available, we're available to talk now. 

We want to talk about a trip or planning and want your input. So it's a positive thing. 

And if you don't want to do it now, that's fine. We're available tonight at seven 

to make you decide. And if the kid says, you know, if the kid was involved in a game or homework or just being on the phone or doing whatever, and it's yanked from them because we have to meet right then and there, you know, their mindset isn't good. But if you're giving them choice, you're looking, you know, it's a very different type of conversation and meeting and you're respecting your kid's time and respecting them in general. 

Rich Bennett 51:14
I'm curious on something. I want your input on this and issues me because I think this is missing from a lot of families. And, you know, with you doing the parent coaching and talking to these parents, do you see a lack of 

families sitting around the table to enjoy dinner and conversing? 

Andy Goldstrom 51:39
I ask parents about what their life looks like right, Right in their day and how they how present they are, 

when and how they interact with their kids and how they manage their family life. And, you know, quite often people aren't present. 

Rich Bennett 51:56
Yeah. You know. 

Andy Goldstrom 51:57
And and so and they're doing dinner on the run and so you know if one of the boundaries is every Friday night we have a family dinner and we sit and talk and put our phones away, then that's a way to do it. I think it's unrealistic to be able to do it every day. 

Rich Bennett 52:14
Give them everything you can. 

Andy Goldstrom 52:16
Yeah, but but the problem is, is that parents are just as bad. It's not just the kids. 

If families go on vacation and they go to like a 

a museum or, you know, or, 

you know, a place that's famous. 

Rich Bennett 52:39
Mm. 

Andy Goldstrom 52:40
They don't pay attention to what they're looking at and observe it and read about it and learn, you know, what they do? 

They take a selfie with it, you take a selfie with it, and then they move to the and then they go to the next thing. So they so they're not present. 

Rich Bennett 52:58
That's true. And you see that a lot. And this is something I've always told people. I don't know whether it's an art museum or even if it's just outside enjoying nature. Just take some time, soak it in, look at it, I mean, and just enjoy it. You see it a lot. I see people posting on Facebook all the time whenever they see a snake. Oh, God, it's. Yeah, well, look at it. Look at the pattern. Look. There's something good and everything. Just look at it and enjoy it. Enjoy the moment. 

Andy Goldstrom 53:35
Well, it's easier said than done. 

Rich Bennett 53:37
Well, this is truly. 

Andy Goldstrom 53:38
One of the approaches and one of the things I assign on occasion for clients that I who want to learn how to be present more. 

Rich Bennett 53:48
Mm hmm. 

Andy Goldstrom 53:49
Is I ask them to go to an art museum, pick out a sculpture or a painting. 

Put your phone away. Don't go to the bathroom. You're not eating anything. Sit and look at it for an hour without doing anything else. 

Rich Bennett 54:06
I like cooking. 

Andy Goldstrom 54:07
One of the hardest things people do, and the whole point is 

just like when you're exercising and you kind of get in that Zen mode after period of time and your mind is kind of just focused on the exercise and everything else goes away. 

Rich Bennett 54:21
Yeah. 

Andy Goldstrom 54:22
I want people to get into that mode so that they're just like, you know, there's a part of this painting that has greater shadow than the other side. There's part of this painting that seems older than the other side. I notice, you know, things that they would they wouldn't notice just by glancing at it, by being present. And what they're doing is they're changing the way that they're present in front of their family, in front of their kids. One of the other things I do is 

tell them that they need to tell their children that they have a question for them and they're just going to try and sit and listen and not. 

And so you ask your child to, you know, I want you to, you know, can you share with me, you know, everything about your your your math class or your or something more exciting. You know, you're at your soccer tournament. 

Rich Bennett 55:21
Right? 

Andy Goldstrom 55:21
I'm just going to sit and I'm just going to sit and listen. And I want to and I and I would just want to pay attention to you. And the parent doesn't say anything for 3 minutes and times it for 3 minutes. Now, you got to let your kid know because usually they're looking for signs of acknowledgement or follow up questions. That's not the purpose of this. The purpose of it is, can you be actually just listening without having without having to respond? A parent is always thinking about what do I need to do to respond next? What's the next step? What do I need to do? And and so 

this this helps. Those are things that help people to be present. There are other things too. So I hate to cut you off, but I have another call now. 

Rich Bennett 56:09
That's okay. I got well, two things real quick. Number one, tell everybody how they can get in touch with your website and everything. 

Andy Goldstrom 56:16
Great. First, it's been a pleasure talking to you with you around. And, you know, I got into this business to help people, as I've kind of mentioned. And so if people are just interested because they're struggling, 

you know, there's no there's no big sales pitch by me. Right. It's I'll provide a resource if I can be a good fit, fine. My company's called Parents Journey Coaching and the website's the same. It's parents journey coaching dot net and if you go on there, you can see what I do. You can also schedule a free discovery call. There's some also some other resources to take a look at. And parents Journey Coaching has a Facebook page. It also has an Instagram and a Twitter and 

so so you can follow me on social as well. 

Rich Bennett 57:13
Well, Andy, I would love to ask you my last question, but I know you don't have time, so I would like to invite you back on because we do some roundtable podcast on mental health. And I would like to invite you on one of our virtual ones. When we do that again, if it's okay. 

Andy Goldstrom 57:29
Absolutely. 

Rich Bennett 57:30
Well, Andy, thanks a lot. It's been a true pleasure. And God, I can't wait to talk to you again because I know there's a lot more we need cover. 

Andy Goldstrom 57:42
And, you know, I hope I hope my story inspired some people because life is a journey. It has bumps it. 

My business had bumps in it. My life has had bumps in it in terms of personal stuff. But you got to make the best of it along the way and realize what you can control and what you can do. And a lot of it is about how you correspond with your your parent or co-parent and how your kids respond to you as opposed to forcing your kids to be in a certain way.