Empowering Abuse Survivors: Ashley Easter on 30 Days of Courage

Rich Bennett 0:00
I have Ashley Easton again, who, if I'm not mistaken, this will be number five. 

Ashley Easter 0:09
I think so, yeah. 

Rich Bennett 0:11
I think the fifth time on and she is getting ready. She's launching her fourth year of a very important program that she does called 30 Days of Courage, which she started as she was doing. Covert When you started it right. 

Ashley Easter 0:31
Yeah. Yeah, We had our first one in 2020. Yeah, we had 

Rich Bennett 0:35
Wow. 

Ashley Easter 0:35
for that there were in-person events, but now we do it online and it's accessible across the country. Across the world? Yeah. 

Rich Bennett 0:44
Doesn't this That's weird because I mean, when you say four years ago and COVID, it seems like it was longer than that. 

Ashley Easter 0:49
I know. Crazy. 

Rich Bennett 0:51
I think I think everybody's got what they call covert brain. 

Ashley Easter 0:54
Yeah. 

Rich Bennett 0:56
I heard somebody we were talking about that, especially the kids that were in school that year. And he said just that time off for school, like they lost three years of socialized. 

Ashley Easter 1:08
Yeah. 

Rich Bennett 1:08
It's weird. Very weird. 

Ashley Easter 1:11
And. 

Rich Bennett 1:11
So anyway, with courage, 365 and 30 days of courage explained to everybody the history behind it why you started it. 

Ashley Easter 1:23
Yeah. So I grew up in a cult like environment and I'm pretty sure we've talked about my story a couple times on here so people can kind of go back and catch up on that. But just that the short version, I was in a high control group. Lots of abuse, those sorts of things. And I broke free. I in 

2014 when I married my husband, that's when we when I escaped. And that was like the first time I was ever able to feel completely safe and really start my healing journey. 

And, you know, I did therapy, I did coaching, all of those things. But one of the things that was really healing for me was to be able to talk about my experiences, and I wrote about them publicly. And when I did that, I had hundreds of people reach out and say that they'd had similar experiences. They had experienced domestic violence, sexual violence, emotional abuse, physical abuse, religious related abuse, and. They were saying the same things to me. They were saying they felt alone. They felt isolated. It seemed like they were the only one. But I knew that wasn't true because the people are saying the exact same thing to me. And so I'm like, okay, you're really not alone, but you feel alone because you're not meeting other people. So in 2016, we had an in-person event called the Courage Conference, and we hosted that event for four years. 

And it was it was amazing. You know, we had speakers sharing their story. Mental health experts, 

lawyers, the whole nine and just really finding this connection and community of people coming together. I think we were the first conference to do something that also highlighted people who had experienced abuse in like the evangelical church movement. There's been conferences that have talked 

Rich Bennett 3:31
Wow. 

Ashley Easter 3:31
about abuse and like the Catholic. And now there's more conferences that popped up. But to my knowledge, we're like the first ones that like specifically kind of focus on that. And that's not all we cover, but that is something that a lot of survivors we found. I'm in the south. Church is very much a part of culture, and sometimes people get harmed in churches. And so we 

Rich Bennett 3:55
That. 

Ashley Easter 3:55
have also been able to talk about healing from that as well and just supporting people with wherever they want to go with their journey after that, whether they stay in a faith or as they leave, whether they become atheist, whether they find a different way to relate to faith, any and all of that is their choice. We just want to support in the process. But we did that for four years in person and then COVID happened like you. And we realized that we had to like every other nonprofit, we had to pivot. And so we're like, how are we going to offer these services to people when we can't meet in person? So we started an event online called The 30 Days of Courage, and starting October 1st through the 30th, this will be like you mentioned, our fourth year. We have everybody come into our free Facebook group and we have amazing, amazing speakers that give talks or interviews live and you're able to ask them questions live. We do self-care challenges that really make a difference in your healing, practical things that you can use. And I mean, the real gift is doing the self-care challenge, but there's also like actual prizes you can win for doing the challenge. 

Rich Bennett 5:13
Oh. 

Ashley Easter 5:14
It's like a little competition spirit there. We also have support groups that we host on the weekends, so you can actually be face to face with other survivors meeting them. You might even meet a new friend in a group like that. And then we just have really powerful discussions and support and resources that we offer. And so it's coming up again in October. And I'm so excited about the lineup we have this year. Yeah, I'm really, really excited. 

Rich Bennett 5:47
All right. Well, we may explain the lineup here. 

Ashley Easter 5:50
Yeah. So I'm probably going to be looking over slightly to my screen here just so I make sure I say the name of all the talks correctly. But we have Marianne, Dr. Marianne Casar, and she is just so amazing. She's on our board, but she has so much knowledge about power and control and relationships. She focuses a lot on helping people out of domestic violence. She's a survivor herself, but then she's gone on to get all of these amazing credentials, and she's such a powerful speaker, somebody who just draws you in and her talk is going to be called power plays, How to Break Free from the control game. So really understand being like, what are these power and control tactics that abusers use? And they they try to play you like they're playing a game and how to really win that game and take your power back and make decisions for yourself and be aware of the strategies they're are using. Super excited about that one because whether somebody is experienced full on abuse or not, I feel like we've all run into people who try to use power and control to manipulate us. Yeah, I don't know about you but them. 

Rich Bennett 7:16
It's sad, but. Lot of people do that. 

Ashley Easter 7:20
Yeah, for sure. 

Rich Bennett 7:22
And correct me if I'm wrong, but these your speakers are on Tuesday. It's going to be on the Tuesday night. 

Ashley Easter 7:28
Mm hmm. Yeah. 

Rich Bennett 7:29
All except for you. 

Ashley Easter 7:30
Yes. I'm on the last day, the 30th. 

Rich Bennett 7:35
We gotta save the best. 

Ashley Easter 7:40
Then I'm really excited. Dr. Nadine. She's actually the ex-wife of the Wolf of Wall Street. I don't know if you've seen that show, but. 

Rich Bennett 7:50
I thought that name sounded. 

Ashley Easter 7:52
Yeah. Yeah. So she's actually the ex-wife and she's also therapist now. And have you seen what the Wolf of Wall Street did on the show? And how charming and charismatic, but then how evil he ends up being. Imagine being in a marriage with somebody like that. So she's talking about manipulators exposed. And we're going to specifically talk about outsmarting narcissist psychopaths and sociopaths, which I'm really, really excited to have that conversation. Yeah. 

Rich Bennett 8:26
Oh, wow. So I don't know if you can answer this or not. Because you said it's done on Facebook live. 

Ashley Easter 8:32
Mm hmm. Yeah. 

Rich Bennett 8:34
So on average, do you buy I guess you can look at it from the past years. How many people do you have that tune in live versus I guess, watch your recording afterwards. 

Ashley Easter 8:46
Oh, that's a good question. It really varies from year to year. We have about. With several hundred people, over 1000 in the Facebook group. And there is quite a mix of people who watch live and people who watch the replay. And so I don't really have an exact number. But with the live Q&A phase, we have found that the speakers tend to be very open to staying on and trying to answer all of the questions. So like my thing with the 30 days of coverage is you have a speaker like this. I mean, when are you going to have an opportunity to ask them questions? Probably never. And so this is an opportunity to not only hear them live for free, but then to put your questions in the chat and get direct feedback. I'm really excited about that. 

Rich Bennett 9:39
So and correct me if I'm wrong, but in order for people to watch and tape part of it, they have to be part of the Facebook group. Right? 

Ashley Easter 9:47
Yeah. So if people go to courage 365 dot org slash the word 30 not three zero but the word 30 you'll have the whole event schedule. But then also people can click on a link to join our Facebook group and we have it there free. And there's a couple questions you have to fill out. We just try to keep it a safe space in there. But that's where the talks will be happening. That's where the self-care challenges will be happening. The support group details will pop up in there. Those are actually held on Zoom. But like all of the event details and the links and stuff. So if you think of it less like a Facebook group, but sort of like a virtual conference and an online space, that's. 

Rich Bennett 10:34
Yeah. 

Ashley Easter 10:35
Encapsulate it inside of a group. Yeah. 

Rich Bennett 10:38
Okay. Okay. 

Ashley Easter 10:39
Yeah. 

Rich Bennett 10:40
Yeah, I got it 

because I missed it. Well, I missed it. No, I missed it last year, too. You're. I was watching 

Ashley Easter 10:50
Yeah. 

Rich Bennett 10:50
them because that's how I found out about. But you had some good speakers 

Ashley Easter 10:55
Is. 

Rich Bennett 10:55
on it. It looks like this year I keep I knew because I'm looking at the website cursory 65 dot org. 

Ashley Easter 11:01
Mm hmm. 

Rich Bennett 11:02
4:30 a.m.. I'll let you continue with the speakers because, yeah, i am realizing with Dr. nadine i didn't realize who that was at first until you said that. 

Ashley Easter 11:15
Yeah. Yeah. No, she's amazing. Then we have Asami. She's. She's a friend of mine. She's a friend of one of my board members. But she is. She's just a powerhouse, amazing activist, and she's also a trafficking survivor. And so. 

Rich Bennett 11:33
Oh. 

Ashley Easter 11:34
Yeah. She has a really powerful story of Breaking Free. But it was actually your family that trafficked her, which. 

Rich Bennett 11:41
What? 

Ashley Easter 11:42
Draws another layer into into that. And so whether that was somebody's experience or whether they had a toxic family in general, I think people will kind of relate to some of those familial 

relationships going bad. Yeah. 

Rich Bennett 12:01
Wow. 

Ashley Easter 12:02
Yeah, she's she's amazing. Like, she's got so many, like, 

100,000 followers and more on social media. She's blowing up. She's just an amazing advocate, but also really nice person. And I'm really glad we're having this talk because hers is called sorry, Not Sorry. How to Spot Fake Abuser Apologies. And 

Rich Bennett 12:27
Who? 

Ashley Easter 12:28
I don't know if you've ever had one of those apologies where you're like, somebody abuses you, harms you, and then they make this fake ass apology to you and it. 

Rich Bennett 12:39
Oh, and you could tell. 

Ashley Easter 12:40
You can tell, you know, there's certain words they use, certain words they don't use. They'll often not fully admit to the harm. And so she's actually going to help us break down how to identify the fake apologies. And you know what a real apology looks like, because honestly haven't met many abusers who actually give real apologies. And we ourselves, in our own personal lives, if we offend somebody or make a misstep, I think it is important to know how to how to fix that in a way that is truly respectful of the other person. But then when we're in a situation where somebody is making a fake apology to not feel pressured into accepting something that's not real because there's so much pressure about that. Yeah. Yeah. 

Rich Bennett 13:37
Yeah. Every year you. You amaze me every time. Where in the world do you find these wonderful people? 

Ashley Easter 13:45
Well, you know, I'm always on the lookout. And my board member, Eric, he's also been very helpful. He introduced me to Asami and they. But then in the past, Jonathan Scheck has helped us find some speakers. And so it's it's just a lot like a collaborative effort. I just am 

Rich Bennett 14:07
Right. 

Ashley Easter 14:07
looking for. Who is really kind of answering questions that are being asked by survivors right now. And what I'm seeing as people have so many questions about narcissist and psychopaths people so many questions about what is a real apology look like. People have so many questions about power and control. And then I try to think about how to address it. Is that really well and is doing it from a high level, like they're just really an expert in their field and then sometimes it's just an exercise and just like asking, even if you're like, well, 

Rich Bennett 14:44
Yeah. 

Ashley Easter 14:44
some say yes, you know, And thankfully these wonderful people have said, yes, they are. I'm really, really honored that they will work with us because they're they're they're top shelf. 

Rich Bennett 15:00
And the thing is, for those of you listening, even if you've never heard of these names, trust me, when you even go back throughout the years and watch the other ones, famous or not. You're going to learn a lot. They're going to help you. And the other thing is to if you have any questions afterwards, you can always reach out to Ashley. And if she can't answer, trust me, she will find an answer for you. 

Ashley Easter 15:32
I love to help people get answers to questions. 

Rich Bennett 15:37
It's amazing. I'm sorry. Go ahead and continue with the other line ups. 

Ashley Easter 15:40
Okay. Okay. So, okay, this this guy is so fun. His name is. Well, this isn't his real name. His moniker is Jesus. And I love it because he is a brown man with long, beautiful hair. And he looks like Jesus. But he is very, very gay, very LGBTQ plus. And what I have loved about him is he gives people like this permission to ask questions, to question the things that they've been taught. He does a lot around kind of looking at things that maybe who are taught in religious environments that actually contributed to abuse or things that just simply weren't for our own flourishing. And our goal at our at of that is not to tell you what to believe, but Jesus is hilarious. So funny. The most loving person you'll ever meet. And he's just so good about helping people find the courage to ask hard questions and not just go with what you were taught or told, but to really explore it for yourself and. 

Rich Bennett 16:53
Yeah. 

Ashley Easter 16:53
Looking at the survivor community, you know, the thing that has been so empowering for me and what I've seen for other survivors is our power and choice was taken away. And when you're able to take your power back through choosing and deciding what you think and what you believe for yourself, that is really where so much freedom comes from. Because if you're just believing something, because somebody said it, a parent, a teacher, a pastor, you know, school, somebody at school set it and you just take it on. You don't really question it and figure out, is this true and is this true for me? So I think I think this is going to be really good. His talk is called the Courage to Question How to Rebuild Your Beliefs after Religious Control. And not every religious environment is controlling. But like I said in the beginning, a lot of our survivors have experienced some of these high control religious groups. And so it's giving permission to question. Yeah, but he's he is hilarious. He is so loving and he gives permission to question. And I don't know, I just I mean, he's like. 

Rich Bennett 18:08
I don't want his hair. 

Ashley Easter 18:09
Oh, my gosh. It's gorgeous. I mean, with all. 

Rich Bennett 18:14
He does look like. 

Ashley Easter 18:15
It's. 

Rich Bennett 18:16
When when I looked at the website and I saw his picture, my first thought was, Oh, that's Bruce. 

Because I had a gentleman on Bruce Bakker's. Like him. And Bruce is amazed. 

Ashley Easter 18:30
Oh, my gosh. 

Rich Bennett 18:32
I might have to. I'm going to have to tell him. 

Ashley Easter 18:37
Okay. That phone. 

Rich Bennett 18:39
He is just simply amazing. And this this last speaker. I may have heard of her before. 

Ashley Easter 18:47
Yes. Oh, well. 

Ashley. 

I'm going to be talking about the healing group blueprint and steps to get your life back and really just have the life you want after abuse. I don't believe that everybody's healing blueprint is the same. I think healing is so unique for each person. But I do think that healing takes strategy. It takes planning. It takes us deciding what we actually want and then going after it. And so my talk is going to be about creating your own healing blueprint and figuring out like, what would I like to have different in my life and what are some steps I can take to get there And just coming away with feeling like there is actually things I can do to change how I'm feeling right now so I can feel better because I remember times when I just felt like this is never going to get better. But for me. Making that change. It didn't just happen because I sat around and waited for it. Like, I hate that this is a fact because it's not fair. But when life is not going your way, when you've experienced abuse, like it's not fair that we have to figure out what happens next. But that's the only way we're going to get to what happens next on our own terms is by deciding like, this is what I actually want and I'm going to take intentional steps to get there. So it can be hard work, but specially when you have a plan, it it can really help you get there. A lot faster than just waiting and hoping that things change for you. So I want to give people again that power and autonomy over their own life to decide what is my plan, what are my goals, and how exactly do I personally want to get there? And we can use a brew, a blueprint, lay out that you can fill in for yourself and decide what the best steps are for you to take next. Not the other person over there, 

Rich Bennett 20:58
Right. 

Ashley Easter 20:58
because their journey might be different, but specifically for you, what are your goals? What are your steps and how can you move forward courageously into that so you can really have the life that you want because, you know, abuse and trauma, there's always a part of that that we're going to remember. And there may be things that it still affects to a degree in our life. Like I've gone through so much healing, but there are still things that trigger me now and again. 

Rich Bennett 21:28
Yeah. 

Ashley Easter 21:28
But that's not the majority of how he characterized my life anymore. The majority of my life is living it on my terms and when those triggers come up, I have strategies for how to take care of myself. And I just want that for everybody to be able to have the strategies in place, have the plans, and for the majority of their experience to just feel happy and to really get what they want. Yeah. 

Rich Bennett 21:59
So that's the speaker's. 

Ashley Easter 22:02
Mm hmm. 

Rich Bennett 22:03
And you said the support groups are on. It's going to be on the weekends or 

Ashley Easter 22:08
Yes. 

Rich Bennett 22:09
just a Saturday. 

Ashley Easter 22:10
Yeah. So they're going to be on Saturdays. And so every Saturday during the month of October, we will have a facilitator hosting a support group in Zoom. And anybody who's inside of the Facebook group who's a part of the event can join that. They're going to be casual and laid back. So don't feel like you're going to have to come in and share all the depths of your trauma story. Like I realize that's very intimidating. This is just going to be more some get to know you questions and questions to bring up like hey, we had this speaker this week. What are some thoughts that came up for you and are you struggling with anything? Maybe there are some things as a group we can talk about together. It's not therapy, it's not an advice giving group. It's more of a way to connect with other survivors and to talk about your experiences. And the thing I'm really excited about with this is. When you go through these groups, not only are you going to be able to meet other survivors and facilitators, but you're also getting a taste of what we offer throughout the rest of the year. So the 30 Days of Courage is just kind of like the big of that. But throughout the year we have peer support groups with a curriculum that people go through on a monthly basis together. We have two support groups running right now. We're going to have a third one opening up in November. So if you come to the 30 days of courage and you enjoy it and then you test out some of the support groups and you're like, man, it's only 30 days. I wish there was more support. Your long we've got that for you in November. That's going to be starting up and you'll have a chance to keep going with a support group. We don't want to leave you hanging. You want to give you a next. 

Rich Bennett 23:58
Yeah, that's great. So and for those of those people listening that haven't heard you before, X Courage 365 which is a nonprofit. 

Ashley Easter 24:10
Mm hmm. 

Rich Bennett 24:11
Explain to them if they haven't figured it out yet. Brit, explain to them what your what your main mission. Oh, really? What is that mission? Well, I guess every nonprofit has a mission. 

Ashley Easter 24:23
Sure. 

Rich Bennett 24:24
So basically what your main mission is. 

Ashley Easter 24:29
So our mission is to empower abuse survivors. And what that looks like for us is we empower people through education, through connection community and through resources. So what I have found one of the most empowering things for me was understanding what happened to me. Because when it felt like this thing of like, what really was that and why did that happen this way, it feels very 

it feels hard to pin down. And it's it's difficult to really process through when you don't have a good understanding of what happened, why it happened. And spoiler alert, it happened because abusive people are evil, know it's not your fault, 

but 

why it happened? And then like some actual tangible tools to help yourself feel better, like understanding how trauma responds in the body, how it reacts in the body can help you feel like, Oh, I'm not crazy. This is just how my body was meant to respond to protect me from trauma. Maybe it's not useful anymore now that I'm safe, but I realize why I developed this coping mechanism. And now that I understand why it's still happening, now I can come up with a blueprint. I can come up with a plan to reduce those trauma triggers. So the education piece, we're really focused on that, which you'll see that throughout the 30 days of courage and anything else we offer. But then the community part, I don't believe that we can heal to the fullest extent without some form of community. Now, that community could be one other person. That community could be your therapist. I'm not saying it has to be huge, but for myself personally, finding a larger group of survivors, who gets it, who's not judgmental, is really supportive and, you know, is able to kind of come together, whether it's in the Facebook group, kind of chatting with each other in the support groups and making those like real time connections that has helped me heal so much, just being able to see, okay, 

every story is unique because it's happening to different people, but there are these common themes that happen to pretty much all survivors. And when you start to realize that my story isn't so unique that it can actually be a way off, because if it's super unique, then you start to feel like somehow my fault, it was just a fluke. There's something with me. But when you realize, no, this has happened to a lot of other good people too. It was the abuser's problem, not mine. There's just another layer of healing there. And there's nothing like talking to another survivor and saying, I'm going through this. And then to be like, Oh my gosh, yeah, I've been there too. So education, community and then resources. So we're offering all of these things like the self-care challenges, we're offering the speakers, but we also have other resources that we have on our website. So how to find a therapist Toolkit, The Trauma Reduction Toolkit with the courage cards, Men and Boys Survivors PDF Document. We have quite a few things. The What I Wish I knew before I left e-book. And then we also have our daily text messages Monday through Friday with empowerment, education and then community. And so really our mission is to empower survivors through those three things. And yeah, I just I believe that survivors are some of the most courageous people I've ever met. And we want to do our best to have something available 365 days a year. You know, whether it's our Facebook group, our text messages, support groups, there's there's always on demand resources. We want to make sure that there's always something you can go to no matter what day of the year it is. 

Rich Bennett 28:41
And in order to do all this stuff. It takes Well, it takes people, but it also takes money. 

And those of you listening, I encourage you, encourage courage. 

I, I. You know what? No. I am begging you to go to courage. Three, six, five. That's the number 365 talk and you'll see the donate button and everything else is there to 30 days of courage schedule. Make a donation. Because I met Ashley four years ago. Yeah, four years ago. And I have it. Yeah, I. I'm very particular on nonprofits that I promote. And this is one that I really believe and I've talked to other people that she's talked to, and they say the same thing. So definitely go there and make a donation. And if you want to take part and join a Facebook group, hey, feel free to do so. Actually, the courage clubs, that's 

because there's change all the time. Right? 

Ashley Easter 29:57
Yeah. So the courage clubs, those are peer support groups. We have them monthly and we have two clubs running right now and another one that's going to be starting in November. And yeah, we do change up the focus now and again, but the new ones starting in November, that's going to be people who have experienced abuse in relationships that can be any kind of relationship does not have to be romantic. 

Rich Bennett 30:23
Right. 

Ashley Easter 30:24
It could be a familial relationship, friendship, relationship, boss, you know, employee relationship, anything like that. And that's the one we're going to be starting in November. And so, 

Rich Bennett 30:38
Okay. 

Ashley Easter 30:39
yeah, again, all of us, this is free. You know, it's not free for us to put out. So, yes, thank you for flagging the. But it is free for our survivor community. And yeah, I'd love for you all to join that. We'll have more details about that 

posted during the 30 Days of Courage. And so that would be a great place to hear kind of when the when the next one is starting up. But it'll be, I think, the third Saturday in November is what I want to say. But we'll have that on the website and we'll be sending out emails and on our social media and all that. 

Rich Bennett 31:15
And for those of you listening as well, if for some reason you can't make one of these Tuesday nights during the 30 days of courage, then keep in mind these are going to be recorded. So you can always go back and watch them again and again. I encourage you to go to their all in your YouTube channel. Right. 

Ashley Easter 31:39
Well, we put everything in the YouTube channel from previous years, but during 

Rich Bennett 31:43
Okay. 

Ashley Easter 31:44
October they'll be archived in the Facebook group like pinned on the top. So be able to 

Rich Bennett 31:49
Okay. 

Ashley Easter 31:49
go back through and watch them real easily there. 

Rich Bennett 31:52
All right. So make sure you do that. Ashley, is there anything you would like to add? 

Ashley Easter 31:57
Well, I guess I would just like to say that 

I know there's so many people out there who are hurting and feel like they're alone and, 

you know, I've been there, too. And that's really why we created all of this. It's because we really believe that healing happens collectively and the community piece is so powerful. But I know it's not easy to find a safe community, and no one can ever guarantee 100% safe community. But I will tell you, we do our best to keep it as safe as possible. And in my experience, the community has been so supportive with other survivors and advocates in there. And so if you at all are looking for other people who got it, you know, if you're looking for something that will maybe give you kind of a shot in the arm of courage and then an opportunity to kind of get to know us in October, I think that's going to be a great place to start. And then if you like it, we have other offerings throughout the year and you can get plugged in to that. And if you don't, well, it was free, so. 

Rich Bennett 33:14
Exactly. 

Ashley Easter 33:15
I. 

Rich Bennett 33:18
Ashley, thank you so much. I am going to be tuning in on Tuesday nights and I'm going to try I want to try to get in on some of these. Support groups as well. 

And those listening again, please, please, please take part in it if you can. And feel free to make a donation. 

It's going to a good cause. So definitely do it. Thanks, Ashley. 

Ashley Easter 33:46
Thank you so much.