How to Like Yourself More with Alan Questel

Rich & Wendy 0:00
Hey, everyone is Rich Bennett. Can you believe it? The show is turning ten this year. I am so grateful for each and every one of you who've tuned in, shared an episode, or even joined the conversation over the years. You're the reason that this podcast has grown into what it is today. Together, we shared laughs, tears and moments that truly matter. So I want to thank you for being part of this journey. Let's make the next ten years even better. Coming to you from the Freedom Federal Credit Union Studios. Harford County Living presents conversations with Rich Bennett. 

Today, I'm going to get kind. 

No, no, no. The truth is. 

Rich Bennett 1:00
Today on Conversations with Rich Bennett. I'm thrilled to have Alan Castelo on. Alan is an internationally recognized teacher, author and expert in the Feldenkrais method. With over 40 years of experience helping people around the world improve their lives through movement and self-awareness. He's here to discuss his inspiring book practice, intentional acts of Kindness and Like Yourself More, which explores how we can cultivate kindness as a skill and transform it into an actionable practice to better ourselves and the world around us. Alan's insights are sure to inspire and challenge us to think differently about how we approach kindness in our daily lives. Alan First of all, welcome to the show. But there's. So when I looked at your book, one question just kept popping into my head as I got to asking this first. Tell us about your brother. 

Alan Questel 2:02
My brother. It's funny, I was talking to him just the other day and I can't remember what he said, but when he said it, I said, That's why I dedicated my book to you. It was some gentle thing that he offered someone and the way he responds to things. And I realized I didn't have that impression. I wasn't aware of my brother that way for. 

Rich Bennett 2:27
Right. 

Alan Questel 2:27
Most of our lives, you know. And then when I when I was looking to dedicate the book, I was like, what about my brother? Because he always acts in the best interests of other people. And he's just a gentle, kind man. He really 

Rich Bennett 2:47
Net. 

Alan Questel 2:47
is. 

Rich Bennett 2:47
Is he older or younger than you? 

Alan Questel 2:49
Two years younger than me, but we're both like two older brothers. Not. So. 

Rich Bennett 2:56
Mean growing up, the joys. Or it may have been the other way around. Look at him as like your idol or mentor 

Alan Questel 3:04
No, no, 

Rich Bennett 3:05
guy. 

Alan Questel 3:06
no. We fought all the time. We grew up in New. 

Rich Bennett 3:09
Your brothers do. 

Alan Questel 3:10
Yeah, we grew up in New York City and we shared a bedroom that was tiny with Murphy beds that came out of the wall and stuff. And we fought like we broke everything in the house, chipped it, knocked it all. And. 

When we were we weren't very close, but we weren't alienated to each other either. And then as we got older, we got closer and closer and great relationships. I feel really, really fortunate. You know, like we were talking the other day about people we know who are not in touch with their siblings, not in touch with their family and stuff. And I can understand that when that happens. But when they go, then you're left with that relationship as it was and think, what do I want to have happen before that happens? 

Rich Bennett 4:00
Yeah. 

Alan Questel 4:00
know. 

Rich Bennett 4:00
That's why one of the things I always tell my kids if if somebody is calling you. Although nowadays most people just text you. But if somebody is calling, you, pick up the phone. 

Alan Questel 4:14
Yeah. 

Rich Bennett 4:15
That's. 

It's not that my brother's and my sister. I mean, we call each other all the time. My older brother, it was. Every day 

Alan Questel 4:27
Yeah, 

Rich Bennett 4:27
either I would call him or he would call me 

Alan Questel 4:29
right. 

Rich Bennett 4:30
and but I'd see him. I always looked at as an as he was, he was my idol. I just always idolized him. And the I think that the day before he passed, I think he called and I didn't answer the phone. 

Alan Questel 4:48
Yeah. 

Rich Bennett 4:48
Yeah. And it's like, Oh. Man. 

Alan Questel 4:51
Right? 

Rich Bennett 4:52
It's just sometimes you never know what's going through somebody's mind. You have to do it. So with the book, 

Alan Questel 5:00
Yes. 

Rich Bennett 5:00
first of all, what inspired you to write the book? 

Alan Questel 5:02
Well, there are a few things that inspired me to write the book. 

Rich Bennett 5:06
Mm hmm. 

Alan Questel 5:07
First was this idea of liking ourselves more. And this came to me when I was developing a workshop in the Feldenkrais method around self-image. And the more I examined it, the more I started to think our self-image is a reflection of how much we like ourselves or don't like ourselves. So I started playing with that idea. And in the Feldenkrais method, one of the modalities of group classes that people are led through movements and the very slow and gentle movements. And then I started asking people, Are you moving in a way that you like the way it feels? And it was funny how many people would go, Oh, no. And that was kind of the basis for it because the In Feldenkrais movement lessons are outside of our everyday context. It's not like a sport, it's not like a musical instrument. This place, we are exploring movement outside of a context. And because of that, in that empty kind of context, if you explore liking yourself more. What I found is that it's kind of like entering into the back door of our self-image, so it's something we can practice. And in the book, I have a chapter about that, about moving in a way that you like, the way it feels, and it adds up. It adds up in a way that, like in one of my programs in Australia. So it's a four year program. And when I graduated them, it was the first time this happened and I was quite moved and taken by it. 

Rich Bennett 6:35
Right. 

Alan Questel 6:36
When when I would graduate them and I'd call up their name and give them their certificate and give them a hug. And so many people whispered in my ear, I like myself more now. 

Rich Bennett 6:46
Oh, wow. 

Alan Questel 6:48
So that was like the beginning for a long time, and I still do that, but in every context I teach. But that was like one of the big motivations. But then something interesting happened, and I don't remember the exact event. 

Rich Bennett 7:02
Mm hmm. 

Alan Questel 7:03
I did some act of kindness, the small thing. And then the next moment I realized I like myself more. And I thought, that's the link that makes it a loop. So like in myself, more is an interpersonal process. But then to make it interpersonal, I do acts of kindness. And I'm not suggesting that we do acts of kindness to pat ourselves on the back. 

Rich Bennett 7:26
Right. 

Alan Questel 7:28
That these things feed on each other tremendously, I found. And then. I mean, so those were some of the initial ideas. And then the book the book had been cooking in me for a while. And, you know, at one point I was asking myself a question like, what's my mission? And, you know, I've been successful in my work and. My mission 

Rich Bennett 7:49
The good. 

Alan Questel 7:50
has been teaching the Feldenkrais method. But then I realized my fundamental mission has been and is helping people like themselves more, and that acts of kindness intentionally developing, that really tells us how we can build on that and evolve ourselves in that way. And there's one other event that happened that I think is important that way, which is my dad, late in his life, ran out of money and my brother and I had to support him, which luckily we were able to do and help with. 

Rich Bennett 8:24
Right. 

Alan Questel 8:25
And then he developed dementia and we had to put him in a home. And I was never close to my dad. We didn't have a bad relationship, but it wasn't. I didn't call him very often, maybe 

Rich Bennett 8:37
Right. 

Alan Questel 8:37
once a month. And in the home in Florida, he all his friends were leaving for the summer and I thought, no one's going to visit him. And so I started calling him every day for like 5 minutes. 3 minutes. And he always knew who I was. Sometimes you talk gibberish and stuff, but that I had to do it. And it wasn't easy, by the way. Because it was easy to go on. No call. Call it like you were saying before, but call someone when they text or something, you know? 

Rich Bennett 9:06
Yeah. 

Alan Questel 9:06
It's like I did that for three years and that taught me so much about a small act of kindness that builds on us and develops a sense of connection. 

Rich Bennett 9:18
Mm hmm. 

Alan Questel 9:19
Which is what all of this is about, whether it's liking ourselves more or being kind, it's about connecting. So that's that. That was the impetus for everything, I think. 

Rich Bennett 9:29
What exactly is the Feldenkrais method? 

Alan Questel 9:32
So the felt. I love answering this question. The Feldenkrais method is a movement modality that's based on learning theories as opposed to movement modalities that are based on diagnostic models. And what there's two modalities within it. There's functional integration, which is a hands on technique where I work with people privately, and then there's awareness through movement, which of the classes that I was talking about before. And we work with people with all kinds of challenges, neurological problems like stroke, M.S., cerebral palsy, all kinds of pain back the neck. And we also work with self-image and improving the qualities of how we want our life to be. And movement is the medium to explore all of that. So Feldenkrais, who was a physicist, one of the first Westerners to get a black belt in judo, real. 

Rich Bennett 10:26
Really? 

Alan Questel 10:26
Yeah. Really interesting guy. A real renaissance man. Difficult, but brilliant. And he doesn't develop from that because he destroyed his knees playing soccer, football. 

Rich Bennett 10:37
Oh. 

Alan Questel 10:38
He couldn't figure out why. Some days his knees hurt and some days they didn't hurt. 

Rich Bennett 10:42
Right. 

Alan Questel 10:43
And then he became his own laboratory, started examining, examining himself and reading more neurology and applying physics. He was a physicist, applied physics and engineering principles to his own body, and he started to realize on the days his needs didn't hurt. He moved his pelvis differently, and then he went on to improve different skills. So now he had bad knees till the day he died. So his real intention was with these bad knees. How do I do What I want to do? How do I fulfill my intention? 

Rich Bennett 11:18
Right. 

Alan Questel 11:18
So it's that part of our self-image that we're interested in in terms of who do you want to be? Right. 

Rich Bennett 11:25
Huh? 

I. I'll be honest with you. I never heard of it until I got your book. 

Alan Questel 11:33
Oh, well, you should. You should have seen me 40 years ago trying to explain it to people. At the time when I grabbed because I was in the West training Dr. Feldenkrais taught and. 

Rich Bennett 11:43
Oh, wow. 

Alan Questel 11:44
Now, there were 300 of us in the world. Now, I don't know, maybe there's eight or 10,000 people, but it's cool. It's still not that known. It grows slowly. Part of the reason for that is it takes four years to learn. 

Rich Bennett 11:58
Really? 

Alan Questel 11:59
Now, it's not all year long. It's it's eight. It's 40 days a year. So my programs are two months, one month, twice a year. There are different schedules for that, too, but it's still getting known. You know, it's slowly, slowly. So. 

Rich Bennett 12:16
Huh? Interesting. I never. Yeah, I never heard of that. And. Which is. I'm glad that you're teaching it. And I'm sure others still are, too, because. Well. Let's face it, when your teach is something that's useful like that, that's a good thing. 

Alan Questel 12:32
And I'm like, You're like, right now I have one program here in Santa Fe where I live. 

Rich Bennett 12:37
Mm 

Alan Questel 12:37
I 

Rich Bennett 12:37
hmm. 

Alan Questel 12:38
have one program in France, one in Belgium, one in Taiwan. So I 

Rich Bennett 12:41
Wow. 

Alan Questel 12:41
travel. I travel all. Actually, my website for that is called Uncommon Sense Income. 

Rich Bennett 12:49
Uncommon sensing. Well, how many websites do you have? 

Alan Questel 12:53
I have. Let's see. I have one common sense thing. I have pregnant pauses, which is a program of Feldenkrais I've made for pregnant women. I have Feldenkrais in Santa Fe, which is my professional programs here. And then I have practicing dash kindness dot com, which is for the book. So I have four websites. This looks a lot. 

Rich Bennett 13:17
Well, I was going to say you're definitely going to have to send me the links to all the websites then. 

Alan Questel 13:21
Oh, guy Will. 

Rich Bennett 13:22
I'll, I'll. I'll include them in the show notes. You you mentioned earlier as the students were walking across and you were giving them their diplomas and you gave them a hug and they said, you know, I like myself now. 

Alan Questel 13:36
I like myself more. 

Rich Bennett 13:38
I like myself more. 

Alan Questel 13:39
Yeah. 

Rich Bennett 13:39
But why? And I don't know if you can answer this or not, but and we were talking about this not too long ago. Why is it that you think a lot of people don't even like themselves? Period. 

Alan Questel 13:54
Why don't they? 

Rich Bennett 13:56
Yeah. 

Alan Questel 13:57
That's a big question. So I well, I maybe I could tell you a story that adds to this, so. 

Rich Bennett 14:05
Okay. 

Alan Questel 14:06
When I was an actor, I was very fortunate and I got to work with a man called Jerzy Grotowski, who is the director of the Polish Theater Laboratory. So 

Rich Bennett 14:15
Okay. 

Alan Questel 14:16
if you ever saw the movie My Dinner with Andre, it's all about him in some ways. Anyway, I hadn't seen Grotowski for a number of years, and I worked with him in France and Poland and America, and 

it was in 1991 I was invited to a screening of a film he had created on ancient songs. And when I was in New York and it was like all the top people in avant garde theater were there, and it was like, that was cool enough. And I said to him, Look, I haven't seen you for a while. I wonder if we could talk. And he said, Well, I'm leaving in three days. And I said, So am I. I was going to go on a trip for eight months traveling through Asia. And he said, How about dinner tomorrow night? So during dinner we're talking. I said, I a question. I said, I'm become an assistant trainer now in the Feldenkrais method. And I'm more and more becoming the teacher, but I'm still looking for a teacher and I'm trying to find my own voice. And he looked at me and he said, How did Feldenkrais find his own voice? And I said through it. And through his infirmity, through his bad knees. And he went, Hmm. And I went, What? What's my. I thought it was in my humor. I said, No, that's more of a compulsion. Is it my size because I'm small? I said, No, I have a distorted image of that. I think I'm much bigger. And then over the years, that question would float up in the background, What's my infirmity? And then it would disappear. And then one day after teaching this stuff about liking ourselves more. The question floated up and I went, I didn't like myself. And I went, Oh, that's really wild. Now, why didn't I like myself? Well, I could say it's the culture, but I don't know. The ancient cultures didn't suffer from the same thing of comparing ourselves and wanting to be like others and wishing I had that and not being satisfied with just who I am now. Right. So some of that's based like an external reference of having a car or a home or a partner or something like that, which all are valuable, and they do help us like ourselves more. But most people I find who really like them themselves more would still like themselves if they lost everything that they had. 

Rich Bennett 16:37
There. 

Alan Questel 16:38
It's not based on that, but. 

Rich Bennett 16:40
Based on what you had, I want to say physical things. 

Alan Questel 16:45
Yeah. No, I think you're right. And look, look at social media. This whole idea of, like, stuff. I mean, it's like the word like. And if I have 5000 people liking me, that doesn't mean I like myself more. But it's. It's attached to that desire that all of us want to have. And sometimes I think for some of us, it's her upbringing. Not that our parents were mean to us in any way, but maybe there wasn't enough support. I'll tell 

Rich Bennett 17:15
Right. 

Alan Questel 17:15
you. Funny story. So I was an actor. My aunt was an actress. She was the voice of Betty Boop and olive oil on the. 

Rich Bennett 17:22
Oh, come on. 

Alan Questel 17:23
Yeah, yeah, yeah. So. 

Rich Bennett 17:25
Are you serious? 

Alan Questel 17:26
So in. 

Rich Bennett 17:27
Oh, wow. 

Alan Questel 17:27
With my family. Acting was an acceptable profession when I was studying it. 

Rich Bennett 17:32
Right. 

Alan Questel 17:33
Most parents don't want their kids to be actors. 

Rich Bennett 17:36
Right. 

Alan Questel 17:37
But Feldenkrais when I was studying Feldenkrais, that was so off the edge of anything that my father was talking to me one day and he was like scratching his head going, Why are you acting like acting made more sense than Feldenkrais? You know, so. And I think we pick professions and we do things that underlie lying that for most of us is, Well, I feel better about myself. I'm doing this. And that goes from a hobby to studying to playing an instrument to playing sports that are self-image wrapped around these things. And it gives us a sense of feeling a little better about ourselves. 

Rich Bennett 18:18
Right. 

Alan Questel 18:18
So my interest is how do we feel better about ourselves, that not to exclude those other things, but that it's not attached to those things? I think that's important. And today, like one in one workshop, I always ask this question. I think this is interesting. I talk about this idea of liking ourselves more, and then I say, Well, I have a question. Is there anyone here who doesn't want to like themselves more? 

Rich Bennett 18:45
That doesn't want to. 

Alan Questel 18:46
Those want to. And there's always this kind of sheepish laugh because because no one has ever said no. One woman once said, I already like myself. I said, Good. But that's not the question. The question is, would you like to like herself more? 

And that's. 

Rich Bennett 19:03
Wow. 

Alan Questel 19:04
Thing. And sometimes people say to me, What about loving ourselves? 

Rich Bennett 19:08
I was just going to ask you about that. 

Alan Questel 19:10
I knew. Yeah. So. So I was in this workshop. One's called the Hoffman Process. It's very interesting workshop. It's residential for a number of days and it's a lot about loving ourselves more. one of the interesting things in it is you don't divulge what your work is. So people don't really know who you are from that perspective. on the last day, you let people know what you do. So of course I told them I was a Feldenkrais practitioner and at one point I was talking with about five people describing the Feldenkrais method. And then I said, Really what I do is help people like themselves more and all of them at the same time said, Oh, that sounds a lot easier than loving ourselves. And I thought. 

Rich Bennett 19:56
Oh, wow. 

Alan Questel 19:57
Interesting because the idea of loving ourselves when I decided I like myself, I don't think I loved myself yet. 

Rich Bennett 20:06
Right. 

Alan Questel 20:06
I didn't know what it meant, really, you know. And so I think liking ourselves more is a good approximation to growing and developing ourselves in a way that 

can look back at our life and go, Oh, yeah, that was good. 

Rich Bennett 20:24
Yeah, 

Alan Questel 20:25
Yeah. 

Rich Bennett 20:25
well, I think I think a lot of people get, like, in love confused because it's 

sometimes especially in a relationship, a new relationship, you're always afraid to mention that word love. Sometimes your partner is or is afraid of you saying it. Sometimes they want you to say it. But I look at a lot of these young relationships, how they get heartbroken. You know, well, did you really love them? And you did. Do you love yourself? And I it took me a long time to learn how to love myself. 

Alan Questel 21:07
Yeah. 

Rich Bennett 21:08
Do I like myself? Absolutely. 

Alan Questel 21:10
Yeah. 

Rich Bennett 21:11
You know, I could I do believe that everybody can always like themselves more. 

Alan Questel 21:16
Yeah, 

Rich Bennett 21:17
You know, the same. Same with the love. I wanted We were talking about this the other day, too, and 

somebody else. We said, Well, do you tell yourself every day that you love you? I say, love yourself. I said, Every day I look in the mirror and I do. 

Alan Questel 21:34
yeah, 

Rich Bennett 21:34
I got a routine. 

Alan Questel 21:36
yeah. 

Rich Bennett 21:36
Yeah. When I get up out of bed before my feet touch the floor, I say a prayer. I grabbed my grateful rock that I got from my daughter. I meant, I'll say something I'm grateful for. Get up. I'll go into the bathroom, look in the mirror, and yes, I talk. I tell myself that I love myself. 

Alan Questel 21:53
Yeah, that's great. 

Rich Bennett 21:54
It just makes you feel so much better. I believe. 

Alan Questel 21:58
Yeah. 

Rich Bennett 21:59
You know, I think that your next book. 

Alan Questel 22:02
No, I. 

Rich Bennett 22:02
Love yourself more. 

Alan Questel 22:03
It is for that they. 

Rich Bennett 22:04
Oh, okay. 

Alan Questel 22:05
Here's an interesting thing about that. Like this idea of liking myself more 

Rich Bennett 22:10
Mm hmm. 

Alan Questel 22:10
so I can say I like myself more, but liking myself more isn't finite. It's not complete, not finished. And in fact, I had a response to writing this book on kindness that I didn't expect. 

Rich Bennett 22:28
Okay. 

Alan Questel 22:29
Shocked. Which is. I'm. I think I'm pretty skilled at doing all the things that I write about in the book. But now the next step for me to be kind or the next step for me to like myself more is a bigger step than I ever encountered before. It's really challenging. And I can I. Can I. Can I read you something? 

Rich Bennett 22:53
Yes. 

Alan Questel 22:53
This is this is actually in the book and it's not my writing. It's a quote from Ram Dass that sort of speaks to what I'm talking about. Here it is. So Ram Dass said this, When you go out into the woods and you look at trees, you see all these different trees and some of them are bent. You sort of understand that it didn't get enough light, so it turned that way and you don't get all emotional about it. You just allow it. minute you get near humans, you lose all that you're constantly saying you're to this or I'm to this, this judgment. Mine comes in. And so I practice turning people into trees, which means appreciating them just the way they are. So I love that quote. And I would 

Rich Bennett 23:44
Right. 

Alan Questel 23:44
say that's an a good example of like for me, my next step or one of my next steps. So like, I'm in and I'm in airports a lot. So, you know, and I think other people do this, too. I find myself looking at someone and making up a story about them. I'm either complimenting them or judging them, and I'm doing all this stuff. And this is the really tricky part, is to be able to catch myself doing that. And then now another one, I would catch myself doing that, that quote Too long to remember, right? So now when I look at someone and I catch myself making up a story, I go Tre. And it's like the whole story just evolved dissolves and I'm just seeing another person. 

Rich Bennett 24:30
See, I thought you were making up a good story when you said that originally. 

Alan Questel 24:35
Well, no. I make up all kinds of stories about. 

Rich Bennett 24:37
Yeah. 

Alan Questel 24:38
And in the same way, this kind of development of liking myself more, being kinder. It's not, like I said, a finite place that I arrive in. So let's say with a negative aspect of myself, right, that I'm looping about something or upset with someone. And I would say one evidence of evolution of development in ourselves like this is that I don't spend as much time lingering in those thoughts that I can catch it and go, Oh, I can do I think something else, do something else. And so to me, this idea of loving our self, liking ourselves, being kind, they're all connected to 

our ability to navigate. The darker sides of ourselves in a sense, you know, but and it's not going to go away. I don't think that the negative parts of myself are gone. I just don't spend as much time there. 

Rich Bennett 25:37
Yeah, well, I focus on them. 

Alan Questel 25:38
Yeah, exactly. 

Rich Bennett 25:39
I mean, it's just like everything in life. Why focus on the negatives? That's why I don't watch the news. 

Alan Questel 25:44
Me, too. Yeah, I know. 

Rich Bennett 25:46
Don't focus on the negative things. Stay the law of attraction, you know, keep aligned with all the positive things. 

Alan Questel 25:54
Absolutely. 

Rich Bennett 25:56
You actually describe kindness as both a skill and an action. So how do you believe intentional kindness can transform someone's life? 

Alan Questel 26:08
Okay, so. People talk about kindness in different ways. They talk about he's so kind, she's so kind, and it's a quality that people see about someone. Okay. I don't think it can be very accurate to say about ourselves. I'm kind. I think someone else acknowledges that we're kind, you know, and thing with humility. Now, the idea of practicing because, look, the book title Practice Intentional Acts of Kindness, and probably many of us know the bumper sticker practice, random acts of kindness. 

Rich Bennett 26:43
That's what I love about your book cover. 

Alan Questel 26:45
I love that. Right. But. 

Rich Bennett 26:46
Uh huh. 

Alan Questel 26:47
Little acts of kindness means that it's something that we can intentionally do and practice every day. And now the tricky part about that is many times people bite off more than they can chew. They choose something that's just too big. And so I'm suggesting we start off with some daily practices of ways of being kind to ourselves and others and generating kindness. And if it's too big, we can't succeed at it. Was we fall off the wagon. After a while ago, I didn't do it. But if it's something I can do everyday small that no one's going to measure or judge or evaluate. So like in the book, I talk about one simple task. When I was 19, I moved out of my parents house and I had the realization came at 19 that I wasn't good at anything. Now, 19, I wasn't old enough to be good at. 

Rich Bennett 27:45
Right. 

Alan Questel 27:48
At least I was. 

Rich Bennett 27:48
Growing Well, a lot of people are still growing then you. 

Alan Questel 27:51
Right. And so I thought, I'm going to learn to do one thing well. And I pick I don't know where I came up with this. I picked brushing my teeth. I knew I didn't brush my teeth well, but it was also I kind of unconsciously picked something that no one would know about if I did or didn't do it, except the dentist. But he knew already. And so I started practicing brushing my teeth. What was really interesting was all the negative 

interferences that I would create in my life in general showed up in that little event all the way. I would sabotage myself. Yeah, it was shocking. And it was like, I just. I can't brush my teeth. Well, what's going on? And over time, I started to see succeed at that. And I felt like that was the first seed that I planted to be successful in my life. To just see if I can be good at that, then why can't I be good at the next thing or the next or the next thing? And, you know, you know, I ran into a real bump around that when I got an electric toothbrush that had to be 2 minutes and it would time you 30 seconds for each quadrant. And I kept going. That kept this thing must be broken. That's not 30 seconds yet. And I realized I was probably brushing my whole mouth for 15 seconds. And that toothbrush taught me that. Oh, I have a different sense of time here. 

Just a very, very interesting. 

Rich Bennett 29:26
That's funny, though, but I mean, did you learn a lot from that? I'm sure. 

Alan Questel 29:30
Yeah, but can you see that's also something that no one would know, really? 

Rich Bennett 29:35
Yeah. 

Alan Questel 29:36
There's no like if I'm saying I'm learning to play the guitar and then I see you in a month and you go, How's the guitar coming? I didn't practice. I, I 

Rich Bennett 29:44
Yeah. 

Alan Questel 29:44
got told that whereas no one seemed to say to me, Did you brush your teeth? 

But I hope if they say that to me, I'm in trouble. 

Rich Bennett 29:57
But once you learned how it changed, a lot of things did. 

Alan Questel 30:00
Yeah. 

Rich Bennett 30:03
Yeah. The funny thing is, you think about that when as we're growing up, it's our parents always try to teach us that. 

Alan Questel 30:09
That's right. 

Rich Bennett 30:11
Little things like that that can actually, I want to say, change your mindset. 

Alan Questel 30:17
Yeah. Oh, completely. Yeah. 

Rich Bennett 30:19
You know, I mean, just this And during Cove, it was one of the things that everybody was told to do. And a lot of people started practicing. It was about washing your hands. Yeah. What they say Sing Happy birthday. That's how long it should take. 

Alan Questel 30:37
20 seconds or something. 

Rich Bennett 30:39
Yeah. Which. Yeah. Yeah. Hopefully nobody still in the bathroom washing their hands, singing Happy birthday because it's just hard to chew on. 

Alan Questel 30:49
If. 

Rich Bennett 30:51
It's it's funny and I know it should be. But one of the things. Well, over the before Christmas, I grew my beard because I play Santa Claus. 

Alan Questel 31:02
Oh, cool. 

Rich Bennett 31:03
My wife would always ask me, Why does it take so long in the shower? I say, Yeah, because I don't have any hair on my head. I said, Because washing the washing your beard is different than washing the hair on your head. She goes, What do you mean? I said, I've got to use a different shampoo. Air conditioner and all that. As I said, when I yeah, I wash, rinse, wash again. Then I put out to put the conditioner in. I got to wait 3 minutes. 3 to 5 minutes. She's like, 

Alan Questel 31:32
That. 

Rich Bennett 31:33
Why? I sit here and I'll sit there and count shoes. Are you serious? Well, yeah, but. Now, here's the funny thing, Alan. Before that, I would. I mean, for years I wasn't doing that. And my beard was in a soft. So. 

Alan Questel 31:51
Yeah, 

Rich Bennett 31:52
Little thing. 

Alan Questel 31:52
I. 

Rich Bennett 31:53
Yeah. It made my beard softer. 

Alan Questel 31:54
I. 

Rich Bennett 31:55
Certain little things I was doing because I would start growing my beard till June 1st. Come Christmas time. I got a full beard. 

Alan Questel 32:02
It's cool. 

Rich Bennett 32:02
Still can't grow it on my head. I even tried the Chia seeds and went out in the rain. That doesn't work. So forget that. Forget that. 

Oh, God, I love the brush, your teeth, the little things like that people don't think about. But it can make a big difference. You're listening in on the conversations with Rich Bennett. We'll be right back. 

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Alan Questel 33:27
And, you know, the thing about kindness is you ask a question about kindness. And I think that one of the words in the dictionary that is quoted, it's like they'll say, he's so kind. He's so generous. But then generosity 

Rich Bennett 33:42
Yeah. 

Alan Questel 33:43
is that's a bit of a morass, too. You know, that's something that can be acted out in many different ways in terms of what does it mean to be generous? And again, to you know, one of the things I'm looking at in the book is that you have to figure out your values. 

Rich Bennett 34:01
Yeah. 

Alan Questel 34:01
What it means to be generous. And I have exercises in each chapter to practice these things. But then the real practice of the ideas that you come up with, the ways you can figure it out, and it's something that stays alive. Like, you know, when I just wrote the part of the book about being kind to others, kind to myself, like a block for about five years. 

Rich Bennett 34:25
Huh? 

Alan Questel 34:26
Yeah. And I realized I thought I was kind to myself, but I thought. I don't think I really understand what that means. I had some ideas, of course, but that it's not an easy thing to be kind like generosity and kindness. How many people? I'm sure you know, some people who are very generous but not so kind to themselves. 

Rich Bennett 34:46
Exactly. 

Alan Questel 34:48
And 

Rich Bennett 34:48
Not 

Alan Questel 34:48
a. 

Rich Bennett 34:48
so kind of other people either. 

Alan Questel 34:50
Well, that's another quick. 

Rich Bennett 34:51
I do. But I do believe you can be generous, but not kind. Sometimes 

Alan Questel 34:56
I don't. 

Rich Bennett 34:57
I want to go get donations. 

Alan Questel 34:59
That's 

Rich Bennett 34:59
Let's 

Alan Questel 34:59
right. 

Rich Bennett 34:59
say somebody donates to your cause. 

Alan Questel 35:03
Right. 

Rich Bennett 35:03
Well, you may look at that as being generous, but doesn't mean they're kind because they may have felt like they were forced to. 

Alan Questel 35:09
That's right. That's one thing. And also, a lot of people are generous for themselves. 

Rich Bennett 35:14
Yes. 

Alan Questel 35:15
To show, Oh, I'm giving such a big I talk about Goldilocks and the Three Bears, and Goldilocks is going to give these presents to the three bears and one she gives us huge wide screen TV, something she can't afford, right? Something that's way too out of proportion for the relationship, something that the bear now thinks. Do I have to give such a big give back? But Goldilocks is thinking, Well, now I'm a better person, and they'll probably like me more because it's such a big gift. And then to the other bear, she gives these pair of socks that someone gave her. So she's re gifting, Right. Which is fine. I think we give. But is it a color the bear will wear? Do they like socks? Do they need socks? What climate are they in? All this stuff. And but is usually there's not a lot of thought behind that. 

Rich Bennett 36:06
Right. 

Alan Questel 36:06
And then to the last bear, she gives us a frying pan. And this frying pan that the bear was coveting, really wanting. And she couldn't afford the whole set, but she gave the frying pan. And of course, the bear was just thrilled to get this because it was something she always wanted and now she gave a great gift. And so this different kinds of 

understandings of generosity can help us make a better choice. But sometimes that choice is not so easy to make. We're not clear on it. And so I have this trick. And so the trick is, if I'm going to give someone a gift that I'm going to think, is this the do I feel right about this gift? And then I flip a coin saying, Heads, it's the right gift and tails it's the wrong gift. And then I notice what I'm wishing for that comes down and I never look at the coin. 

Rich Bennett 37:00
Hmm. 

Alan Questel 37:01
Because we into inside of ourselves, we sort of know if it's the right thing or not. We can do that exercise with anything, making 

Rich Bennett 37:07
Yeah. 

Alan Questel 37:07
any decision what's there. If I'm not sure I can, I'm going to choose this. And then I flip a coin and see. I'm hoping for that. That's the right decision, you know, So we have to learn this kind of stuff. So and again, you know, the biggest key to anything, I think, is practice. 

Rich Bennett 37:27
Yeah. 

Alan Questel 37:28
So that's not a new it's not a new idea or anything, but how practice things? If I said, just how do you practice being kinder? Oh, I don't know. I'll give money to someone on the street, which could be kind. Not kind. Depends on what they're doing with the money. 

Oh, I'll call my. My parents more. Okay. How often? When? 

Rich Bennett 37:52
Yeah. 

Alan Questel 37:52
My first book. My girlfriend at the time was also a writer, and this is kind of funny. So I'm writing this book on creativity and I've written about 25 pages and put it aside and she read it and said, You really should finish this. I said, okay, so I am writing a little bit more on this. Get out your calendar. So I get out my calendar. So what are we going to do? And she goes, When are you going to write? And I went, What? Said. When are you going to write? And I said, I should write it down. Then I was like, Oh, okay. Mondays, Wednesdays, Fridays. For how long? 

Okay. 2 hours. And then she said, No telephone. And one day I was in my office writing and she she called me on her phone and I picked it up and she said, You're not supposed to answer the phone. We knew when they hung up. And the thing is. You know what? Say and maybe other write. I think other writers must feel this too. I don't think there's a great deal of pleasure in the action of writing a book. It's a lot of drudgery. It's a lot of blah blah. One of my writers makes no sense, but I'm pretty good. I was good at sitting down for three or 4 hours a day and writing, and sometimes at the end of 4 hours I had nothing to show for it. But I'd do it the next day in. 

Rich Bennett 39:20
Right. 

Alan Questel 39:20
Or meditating or go going, running or any of these things that end there. I think what's necessary to learn to engage in a practice successfully over time is to be able to differentiate our feelings from our actions. So let's say meditating. So I wake up early in the morning to meditate, and if I start to pay attention to the feelings I have like a warm in bed, I don't want to get out of bed. It's still dark out. I go right back to sleep. 

Rich Bennett 39:55
Right. 

Alan Questel 39:56
So the window to do it is really small and in that sense is not to ignore those feelings. It's to acknowledge that I don't feel like doing this. And now I'm going to get up and sit right. And that's just how it's done. And many people know that in their jobs in a negative way, you go to a job, you have to do it. But do you want to do it? That's that is tricky, right? 

Rich Bennett 40:26
Yeah. 

Alan Questel 40:26
And most of us suppress our feelings so much that we lose connection with ourselves. And we don't like ourselves as much then. Right. Because. 

Rich Bennett 40:36
Yeah. 

Alan Questel 40:36
This isn't who I want to be. You know, it's. I had love when I was an actor before I found Feldenkrais. I had a contract in business Interior contracting, painting, plastering, wallpapering, sanding floors. And I was really good at it. And I never liked it. I really didn't like it. As a matter of fact. 

So the first Feldenkrais lesson I ever had, I had back pain. 

This guy was barely touching me and I thought, this is a waste of time and money. And I got up afterwards and I had no pain. And I was kind of shocked. And I said, What did you do? And he said, I was helping you do it. It's doing what your body's doing. And I thought, Oh, it's a secret. then about to I was living in New York. Then about two days later, I was driving on the FDR Drive, which is like a pinball machine for cars. 

And I realized I wasn't getting angry when people cut me off. And puzzled. I was like, what happened to me? I don't understand this. This is crazy. And and. And my pain never came back. 

Rich Bennett 41:47
Right. 

Alan Questel 41:48
But I went back to this guy because I couldn't figure out what happened. And the second time he did different things, but still very gently, barely moving me. the end, he said, When you're ready, roll to your side and get up. And I shook my head and I said, no. He said, no. He said, Why not? And I said, Because I don't want to go to where I have to go to right now. And where I had to go to was to my uncle's office to give an estimate on a carpentry job. But that moment, it crystallized in me. I really don't like doing this stuff. 

Rich Bennett 42:25
Yeah. 

Alan Questel 42:26
And that was part of the impetus to go, I've got to find something else to do, because if I had kept doing that my whole life, I would have been successful. I was always successful in it, but I don't think I would have been very happy. 

Rich Bennett 42:40
And it could have affected your mental health as well. 

Alan Questel 42:42
Well, yeah, I mean, definitely, you know, no question about that, you know? 

Rich Bennett 42:48
That's one of the things my father always told me. He said, if if you don't like your job, if you're not having fun at it, it's time to find another job. And he was a crane operator for Bethlehem Steel, but he loved what he did. 

Alan Questel 43:04
Yeah. 

Rich Bennett 43:04
You know, he was good at it. That's why I mean. 

I love doing what I what I'm doing now. I look forward to it. You know, even though I. I work from home, which lot of people don't realize, too working from home does not sound as. Good as it seems, you have to have discipline. 

Alan Questel 43:28
That's right. Yeah. 

Rich Bennett 43:29
It took me. And the other thing is you. You like you answered the phone when your girlfriend called, you have to learn to no sometimes. 

Alan Questel 43:41
That's right. 

Rich Bennett 43:42
Just not an answer for the longest time. You know, whether it be family or friends, if they see my car at home, they would think, oh, okay, let's go. And people would just show up at the house or whatever. 

Alan Questel 43:53
What? 

Rich Bennett 43:53
It's like, No, I'm working now. Oh my God, I look forward to it. I usually go to bed at eight. I mean, I go to sleep at eight. I'll sit there and read or listen to a book and put that down. I'll meditate and then fall asleep. And usually I'm up anywhere between four and five. Put on the coffee, come downstairs and start working, because I love it. 

Alan Questel 44:15
Yeah. 

Rich Bennett 44:16
I would have never thought I was. I would be doing what I'm doing today. 

Alan Questel 44:20
You know, when you talk about a job that we love, I agree with that 100%. And unfortunately, a lot of people have it don't have or haven't yet found or haven't had access to a job that they love. And that's where this idea of liking ourselves more. 

Rich Bennett 44:38
Mm hmm. 

Alan Questel 44:38
It's not connected to that job, which if I can find another way to like myself, then the job doesn't wear down on me the same way. 

Rich Bennett 44:49
Yeah. 

Alan Questel 44:50
You know. 

Rich Bennett 44:51
And I think I want your input on this, because here's what I believe when it comes to that in school. Kids are always told to, you know, you need to go to college, you need to pick a career, you need to do this. And they're always pushed towards the money. Whatever you can make the most money in. And I forget what the statistic is. It's very low. But most I think when kids get out of high school and go to college, I think the graduation rate for them graduating in their original degree is only like 12%. 

Alan Questel 45:26
Really? 

Rich Bennett 45:27
I think I think I may be wrong on it, but it's very low and a lot of kids changed their degree. Some of them end up saying, no, that's and they go to trade school. But I think 

if you look at how many do get that degree and go into that job field and are not happy. 

Alan Questel 45:46
Right. 

Rich Bennett 45:47
Yeah, They're making the money. 

Alan Questel 45:48
Right. 

Rich Bennett 45:49
But you're not 

Alan Questel 45:49
Right. 

Rich Bennett 45:49
happy. And I think it's it's put in their head. This is what they need to do. 

Alan Questel 45:53
Right. 

Rich Bennett 45:54
They're not taught God. If somehow or another of you could take this and teach it in the schools, it would make a world of difference. But they're not taught to. Well, number one, they're not liking themselves because they're being told what to like more or less. 

Alan Questel 46:09
Right. 

Rich Bennett 46:10
Do you I mean, do you agree with that? I. 

Alan Questel 46:12
I do. 100%. 100%. I agree with it. And I think that the whole idea of. 

How do we find what we want to do? 

Rich Bennett 46:23
Yeah. 

Alan Questel 46:23
This brings up the bigger question, which is what do I want? So many years ago in New York, I had a client who was this kind of mopey person, and she came in one day and she was sitting straight. And I said, What happened to you? And she said, I did the fire walk fear into power. 

Rich Bennett 46:43
Oh, 

Alan Questel 46:44
And I went and she told me about it and I thought, I'm going to try it. So it was with Tony Robbins. 

Rich Bennett 46:49
yes. 

Alan Questel 46:49
This is back in the eighties, right? And New York on 30 West 34th Street. So we walk across. So it's basically a five hour trans induction. And he was pretty amazing as a presenter, I have to admit. And then you'd walk through these hot coals and people would walk through them. And at the end they go, Who? I can do anything. I want fear into power. And I went through it and I went, I could do whatever I want. What do I want to do? And I. 

Rich Bennett 47:19
Oh, wow. 

Alan Questel 47:20
That depressed and got into a taxi and went home and it was like, it's really not an easy thing to know what we want, you know? And I'm actually I think that that's that has a cycle to it, like writing the book that we're talking about. That was something I really wanted to do. For a while and it took many years and many editors and I finished it and I feel really great about that. But now I'm at a point in my life I'm like, so and I look at my work as a Feldenkrais trainer teaching people to be practitioners. I love doing that, but now I'm examining the question again What do I want to do now? And I hadn't 

Rich Bennett 48:00
Right. 

Alan Questel 48:00
come up with an answer. Like when you made a joke about That's my next book. I have some ideas for other books, but none of them have taken hold in a way that I go. I need to start writing this now. 

Rich Bennett 48:13
Right. 

Alan Questel 48:13
I'm waiting. I don't know. You know, So it's a puzzling thing. And that lack of want is not such a comfortable place. Luckily, I've got other things to fulfill in my life, but without that, that's pretty hard. And so people in school, if they don't know what they want to do, yeah, that's when the money thing comes up. That's the first. 

Rich Bennett 48:33
Yeah. 

Alan Questel 48:34
You know, but how do people figure out what they want? And I don't. That's another book. What do you want? How do you know what you want? 

Rich Bennett 48:42
It's a deep question. 

Alan Questel 48:43
It's a deep question. 

Rich Bennett 48:44
I mean, it's in 

the way things change throughout the world. 

Throughout time, I should say. You know something that you wanted then you may not want anymore because there's something better. Growing up. Well, I was always going. I said I was going to be a rock star. I always wanted to be a rock star. Quit high school my senior year. They kicked me out of the band. 

Alan Questel 49:13
Yeah. 

Rich Bennett 49:14
Yeah. And they would ended up going in the Marine Corps. You know, so but I mean, eventually, after my time in the Marine Corps, I got into radio because I just I loved music. I hate it. Jane on the radio. 

Alan Questel 49:30
Oh, really? 

Rich Bennett 49:31
Yeah, it just. 

Alan Questel 49:32
Yeah. 

Rich Bennett 49:33
I mean, I liked it when I did the all request and I could use my own name, but I had more fun deejaying in the clubs. 

Alan Questel 49:40
Oh, 

Rich Bennett 49:41
But doing this, what I'm doing today and that's the other thing. When I was in radio, I didn't interview people. I didn't talk to people. I was just playing 

Alan Questel 49:48
right. 

Rich Bennett 49:48
music. 

Alan Questel 49:49
Yeah. 

Rich Bennett 49:49
I loved music. I still do. 

Alan Questel 49:51
Yeah. 

Rich Bennett 49:52
But what I'm doing today was with the podcast. I've been doing this for ten years now. I love doing it because I am learning and that's something I've always. 

I've always told kids, I don't care what your job is, what your career is. The learning never stops. That's why I laugh at kids when they say they hate school. I just want to quit school. I want to do this. Well, guess what? When you start that, the education is going to stop. 

Alan Questel 50:22
Right. 

Rich Bennett 50:23
And I learned that from when I was in the IT field. Oh, my God. How things have changed even with this. 

Alan Questel 50:28
Yeah. 

Rich Bennett 50:29
Things are changing. But I do believe that if and I know it, I don't know if it can be taught in school or not. If kids learn to like themselves and if they're 

taught to practice intentional kindness. 

Alan Questel 50:49
Mm hmm. 

Rich Bennett 50:50
It it I think it would be easier for them to decide what they want to do. 

Alan Questel 50:55
Yeah, I would hope so. I would definitely hope so. 

Rich Bennett 50:58
Yeah. 

Alan Questel 50:59
I think that's and I've heard that in many, many different domains that are positive things like what we're talking about, that if this was taught in school. So and of course, I think that would help generate something like that, you know. 

Rich Bennett 51:14
Yeah. 

Alan Questel 51:14
And. 

It's a it's how do we get all these things into the school? Because our school systems don't foster that kind of 

Rich Bennett 51:23
No. 

Alan Questel 51:24
growth, you know. And that's not that our school systems were. I mean, it's there there are worse school systems, better school systems. But even the ones that have all of this positive stuff doesn't necessarily mean that the outcome is going to be what we hope it is. It's hard 

Rich Bennett 51:40
Right. 

Alan Questel 51:40
to predict this kind of stuff, but at least there's been exposure to it. 

Rich Bennett 51:44
Yeah. 

Alan Questel 51:44
And maybe the exposure, you know, for many people is just I had one kind teacher. 

It was not that the whole my whole curriculum was based on that, but I had one teacher that moved me forward or I think about or I can reflect on and something like that. And that's that's something. But then it's a question of who are 

successive approximations of success. Meaning and successive approximations of challenge to create success. So it's not just been taught something is that we're challenged a little bit like there's a demand put on us to how do you be kinder? Like in the book, I tell you very clearly from the beginning, many people think. This book is this is going to be an easy thing. Kindness is not an easy thing. 

Rich Bennett 52:38
Now. 

Alan Questel 52:39
It's going to be a challenge. And I don't start out by saying all the places that you need to be. Kind of. I start out by evaluating, Where are you already kind? Let's build on something you already know. Rather than trying to go for the for the carrot or the apple, that is too far ahead of you right now. Right. If you know where you are kind, you can start to build on that. That's a different foundation. And I believe that even 

I even go in there like when I talk about being kind, who would you like to be kind of towards? And then I ask people to imagine the people they would never they could never be kind towards. 

Well, that that's a big teacher. I can never be kind to that person because of this and their values and blah, blah, blah. But. 

Rich Bennett 53:29
Why not? 

Alan Questel 53:30
Well, that's people's values, right? They have their different reasons for not being kind to someone. Right. They think that person is generally mean or disruptive to the world or anything like that. Look, whatever side of politics we're on, we could all probably think of a politician that I don't like. 

Rich Bennett 53:49
Right. 

Alan Questel 53:49
I would never be kind to that person. Right. But that's where our work is. Like the best teachers for me. This is a hard thing to say, and I don't want to attract more of it. But the students I have, who I really feel challenged by, who I wish they weren't there, I realize, Oh, those are the ones I can learn the most from. 

Rich Bennett 54:08
Yeah. 

Alan Questel 54:09
So being kind to someone who I can't imagine being kind towards. That's a big step, right? Doesn't mean I like them. 

Rich Bennett 54:18
Yeah. 

Alan Questel 54:19
Kind to them. Yeah. 

Rich Bennett 54:21
She and I. I believe that you need to be kind to everybody. 

Alan Questel 54:27
Yeah. 

Rich Bennett 54:28
And it can start with a smile. 

Alan Questel 54:31
Right. 

Rich Bennett 54:32
You. You. You could be saving somebody's life. You don't know what people are going through. 

Alan Questel 54:37
That's right. 

Rich Bennett 54:38
You know. And I yeah, when you mentioned the politics and so first of all. You know, the politician don't know you. Why are you so against them or form it? They don't. They don't care about you. They don't know you. You know, just be kind. It's. 

Alan Questel 55:00
Yeah. 

Rich Bennett 55:00
It's. Oh, God. I could. I could talk to you for hours about this because. I'm serious. This is something that I've I've always I always stress you have to. It's good. Number one, it's going to make you feel better. 

Alan Questel 55:17
Right. 

Rich Bennett 55:18
You know, whenever you're kind to someone, it's going to make you feel better. And like I said, you could be saving someone's life. You could be changing someone's life. 

Alan Questel 55:27
Right. 

Rich Bennett 55:28
You know, You never know, actually. 

How. How do you envision a world where everyone practices intentional acts of kindness? 

Alan Questel 55:44
So you mean, what would the world be like if everyone did that? 

I think that the first thing that comes to mind is we would all be better listeners. 

We would we'd listen more. We wouldn't just react to things. We'd be able to take in the information or the response or the way someone is in a way that maybe has some thought and reflection on. You know, I think that if people practice intentional acts of kindness. Well, look, I described earlier that my practice of intentional acts of kindness has led me to seeing that the next step for me to be kinder is not so easy. Right? So I think through that development of ourselves and the practice of listening, that we have a deeper understanding of what someone else might be going through. And that's back to listening again to reflect on that. And 

I imagine that in the largest sense, there'd be more peace in the world, there'd be more acceptance in the world, there'd be more not that diversity or different opinions or different values wouldn't exist, but 

that we could coexist in a better. 

Rich Bennett 57:09
Yes. 

Alan Questel 57:10
You know, like I remember as a kid, I was really confused about religions. I didn't because what all I saw is they were all fighting with each other. 

Rich Bennett 57:20
Yeah. 

Alan Questel 57:21
And we'll. It's funny because if you look at any of the religions, they almost all have the same intrinsic values that going towards. But why is my God better than your God? 

Rich Bennett 57:33
Right. 

Alan Questel 57:33
So all this strange stuff. And so that instead of instead of being at odds with something I could connect, there'd be more connection. Really be more connection, I think. And that would be fundamental because these things liking ourselves more and kindness in the world, I believe, of fundamental to us. All right. A job is important. Liking what you do is important. All of that's great. But if I like myself, if I if I can act kindly towards myself and others, 

I'm always interested in the same way in the Feldenkrais method. Feldenkrais was quite brilliant in his understanding of how intrinsic movement is to everything we do. 

Rich Bennett 58:19
Mm hmm. 

Alan Questel 58:19
A single cell moving towards food or away from danger has to move. An animal that can't move dies, right? As human beings, we can be wheeled around. We have a lot of approximations of still having movement in our life, but it's fundamental to life. It's biologically fundamental. And I think on a on an emotional on a self-image way, kindness and liking ourselves are fundamental to us all. And we'd all be happier to live better if we had more of it and not just have more of it on the receiving end, but on the generating end as well. 

Rich Bennett 58:58
Yeah. Well, before I get to my last question, actually some something I want to tell the listeners. So when you purchase the book, make sure you also go to the website. Practicing kindness dot com. 

Alan Questel 59:13
Practicing dash kind. 

Rich Bennett 59:14
Oh practice and dash kindness dot com. I'm sorry. And download the worksheet. 

Alan Questel 59:21
Yeah. 

Rich Bennett 59:21
Because you there's a worksheet that goes along with this. And then after you're done, of course, go to Amazon. Good reads wherever you can leave reviews and leave a full review. And it is in audiobook form as well. People, if you're like me, you like to listen to books a lot. It's actually Did you in the audiobook, is it your voice or. 

Alan Questel 59:45
That's me. 

Rich Bennett 59:45
It is. 

Alan Questel 59:45
Yeah, 

Rich Bennett 59:46
Yes. 

Alan Questel 59:46
that's. 

Rich Bennett 59:47
Good. 

Alan Questel 59:47
And it's also so it's a paperback, it's an audio book, and I like to say it's a Kindle instead of a Kindle. 

Rich Bennett 59:55
Oh, my God. Love that. 

Love that. That that is. That's good. You need a shirt that says that. Is on and then in big letters kind. 

Alan Questel 1:00:10
That's a good idea. 

Rich Bennett 1:00:11
Yeah. I think you. 

Alan Questel 1:00:12
I do. 

Rich Bennett 1:00:14
So, Alan, is there anything you would like to add before I get to my last question? 

Alan Questel 1:00:19
I think the only thing maybe this is your question, I don't know is that 

I would hope that 

regardless of whether you read or listen to the book, that hopefully this conversation stimulates stimulate some ideas about how you can be better in your own life and the better in the life of others, too, and find more connection. So. 

Rich Bennett 1:00:47
I know a lot of people are going to learn a lot from this book. They're going to learn to like themselves. They're going to definitely 

Alan Questel 1:00:52
Oh, 

Rich Bennett 1:00:52
be 

Alan Questel 1:00:52
no. 

Rich Bennett 1:00:52
kinder. 

I am, actually, because I'm president of the Lions Club. But we also have a Leo Club, which is young kids from 12 to 18. 

Alan Questel 1:01:03
Well, you can. 

Rich Bennett 1:01:03
I'm going to bring this to a Leo Club meeting and I just want to put it out there, see who's interested in reading this. And if any of them are good, then I'm going to buy you a copy, because I think kids definitely need to. 

Alan Questel 1:01:17
You can buy them a copy, or if you have a bunch of kids that you want to give it to them are happy to donate it to them. 

Rich Bennett 1:01:23
Oh, well, I will let you know. Without a doubt. Unfortunately, our club's not that big, so. 

Alan Questel 1:01:29
That's okay. You get it for me? 

Rich Bennett 1:01:33
So what is the next big thing for Alan? 

Alan Questel 1:01:38
Well, that's what I was talking about before. Like, what's my want, right? And so I have an idea for a book about how do we come to understand what we want. Right. What? What, what's the the pathway, the milestones that can help us figure that out? That's one idea. I have another idea. That's about the word offended. So I think when someone is if the word effect, when someone's offended, offended, offended is like the umbrella for all of our negative emotions, anger, jealousy, entitlement, a lack of confidence that that if we can understand something about the idea of how we get offended, we have understanding of how we can not be offended, how we cannot be so angry, how we cannot be so jealous, self-entitled, etc.. And so that's the second idea that I have. And 

then the next one I'm waiting for. 

Rich Bennett 1:02:44
So has anybody ever suggested that you start your own podcast about all this? 

Alan Questel 1:02:50
Yeah, they have, but I don't have time. I mean, I travel months out of the year teaching all over the place and. 

My own podcast hasn't been in the in the foreground. People have mentioned it casually, but, you know, making me think about it a little bit. 

Rich Bennett 1:03:10
I think you could do something easy where it could be like, 

Oh, he could be like a little five minute podcast every day or once a week just one random act. No way, man. I'm sorry. You know. One intentional act of kindness today. 

Alan Questel 1:03:32
Yeah. 

Rich Bennett 1:03:33
Just 

mentioned, you know, like a and you can get it from people that read your book. Just ask them. Say. Tell me. What intentional act of kindness you did today, and that could be your pocket. And you just read it. And I because I think something like that people would learn from. 

Alan Questel 1:03:51
Yeah, I think so. You know what I do have on Facebook? I have a page called Like Yourself more. 

Rich Bennett 1:03:57
Ooh. 

Alan Questel 1:03:57
And every day I post something that says things that make you smile. 

And I used to post videos, but now it's it's too it's a problem posting videos. So I just post photos and stuff of things make you smile. And I know how much work that takes. So. 

Rich Bennett 1:04:16
Does. 

Alan Questel 1:04:16
5 minutes. A five minute podcast every day. That's a lot of work. 

Rich Bennett 1:04:23
You're right with the sushi. I'm glad that you like that page now, because one of the things I'm doing this year, because I get people call me all the time asking me about starting a podcast. So one of the things I started doing this year and I already committed to myself to do it for 365 days, I'm going to post a tips or advice on podcasting. And of course, I create the image. You go all Oh yeah, it takes a lot of time, but if people get something from it. 

Alan Questel 1:04:53
I'm sure they'll get a lot from it. 

Rich Bennett 1:04:55
Oh, yeah. 

Alan Questel 1:04:55
But that's the same idea that I had when I called my dad every day. 

But I didn't have to have content. 

Rich Bennett 1:05:08
Hod Allen, I want to thank you so much. And when you when you know what that next one is and the book comes out. We'll get you back going again. 

Alan Questel 1:05:18
Sounds great. 

Rich Bennett 1:05:19
Thanks a lot. 

Alan Questel 1:05:20
Thanks so much for having me on. I really enjoyed the conversation. 

Rich Bennett 1:05:23
Oh, my pleasure. 

Rich Bennett 1:05:25
Thank you for listening to the conversations with Rich Bennett. I hope you enjoy today's episode and learn something from it as I did. If you'd like to hear more conversations like this, be sure to subscribe to the podcast so you never miss an episode. And if you have a moment, I'd love if you could leave a review. It helps us reach more listeners and share more incredible stories. Don't forget to connect with us on social media or visit our website at conversations with Rich Bennett. Com for updates, giveaways and more. Until next time, take care. Be kind and keep the conversations going.