The Blueprint for Emotional Healing and Freedom with JJ Flizanes

Rich Bennett 0:00
Thanks for joining the conversation where we explore the stories and experiences that shape our world. Today, we're honored to welcome JJ Flaxseeds, an esteemed empowerment strategist and creator of the Empowering Minds Network. JJ is a guiding light for those seeking to remove emotional blocks and transform their struggles into joy. Her work, rooted in consciousness and spiritual truth, crafts personalized roadmaps for emotional healing, empowering individuals to live their dreams. So join us as JJ shares her insights on navigating life's challenges and embracing the journey towards holistic well-being. How you doing, JJ? 

JJ Flizanes 0:43
I'm great, Rach. How are you? 

Rich Bennett 0:46
I am doing awesome. What is an empowerment strategist? 

JJ Flizanes 0:54
Someone that takes into consideration both left and right parts of the brain to everything that we do in life. Everything. Let me just say that ten more times. Everything. Every choice that you make. Every choice that you make has to do with how you want to feel. Mm hmm. So when we don't pay attention to how we feel or think about why we feel the way we feel or what we're doing to feel the way we want to feel. That's the empowerment piece. Most of us have a story that victimizes us and makes us feel like a victim of circumstance or of happenstance or of whatever. And and that's not empowering. So, you know, depression is the result of disempowerment. It's believing that I don't have a choice, which isn't true. But in that moment, in your circumstances, you think it's true? It's not true. It's never true. So to find how to rewrite that story so you see where your power is, is what empowerment is about. The strategy piece, because we can talk about, you know, what people like and want to feel and don't feel and all that good stuff. But then there's also like get to do something about it. So the strategy piece is the action piece. It's the left brain piece. It's the it's the planning piece of how do I get there so I can understand the concept, but how do I get there? 

Rich Bennett 2:08
So how long have you been doing this? 

JJ Flizanes 2:11
A long time. 

Rich Bennett 2:12
A long time? 

JJ Flizanes 2:14
20 years? I don't know. Really? 

Rich Bennett 2:16
Well, I mean, I've never heard of this. That's. I'm asking. 

JJ Flizanes 2:20
Why me? Well, I've created it. That's why. 

Rich Bennett 2:22
That's okay. Well, that explains why there's no degree for it in school, then, right? 

JJ Flizanes 2:28
Correct. And, yeah, no, I. I that's. I don't. I don't. I don't see that happening. I'd like to see that happen. I don't see that happening because the current I think people that would put that into place would be people. I wouldn't want to put that into place because I wouldn't agree with the methods. I would not want traditional talk therapy methods to be taught because I don't because it keeps people disempowered most of time. Because that story that you tell over and over again for years and years and years keeps you a victim. And that is not empowerment. And usually there's not a lot of doing and doing things differently or taking responsibility for how you got there in the first place. Again, so. So I would hope that unless I could be the one to create it, then I would want it to just let people find it when they're ready. Not everyone's ready for this kind of work. 

Rich Bennett 3:17
JJ if you haven't yet trademarked it. 

JJ Flizanes 3:20
Oh, I have a. 

Rich Bennett 3:22
Okay. 

JJ Flizanes 3:22
Yeah. So the next. 

Rich Bennett 3:25
Go ahead. No, I'm sorry. Go ahead. 

JJ Flizanes 3:26
Well, then the next thing I to be trademarking is what I've created over the last couple of years, which is I'm. I'm now specializing in working on with core wounds. And I've created a program called Rewiring Your Core Wound Patterns. And I've created a core wound map. So again, back to it's we're looking at this is now definition of empowerment strategies because the empowerment piece is how do I how do I triumph over these stories, these beliefs, these patterns that, you know, keep me in the cycle, in the spinning, in this emotional place. But we also again, we need a map. If you're if you're going someplace new for the first time, you would never in a car not use your GPS or take a map. You just wouldn't you wouldn't say, I'm going to try to drive to Chicago. Never been there before, but I'm going to guess you wouldn't. You'd look at a map, you'd have ways to figure it out. And so I have found through doing this work over and over again for many, many years, I keep fine tuning in every year. And to me, now that I have a map, I'm like, I think it's crazy that anyone does anything emotionally self care related without having your core map because you don't know what you're working on. You don't know what you're talking. If you're going to therapy and talking about the same thing over and over again, you are not getting any further along. My quote, if you if you hear nothing else today, the most important quote you can listen to that I created years ago was this healing is when you're different in the same situation, not you avoiding, not you getting divorced, leaving your job, moving your house. Oh, different circumstances. No, no, no, no. You. Healing is when you're different in the same situation. Not trying to control circumstances. 

Rich Bennett 4:58
I like that. And that makes that makes perfect sense as well. Wow. Okay, so you keep mentioning roadmaps, and I know that that's a big, big thing that you do. How do you actually tailor your roadmaps to meet the unique needs of individuals? 

JJ Flizanes 5:19
Each year on the Corbin map. 

Rich Bennett 5:21
I explained the core route map. 

JJ Flizanes 5:24
Okay, I just got off of my the call for the rewiring, the current rewiring program where we just did their map. So I literally had everybody's files in front of me and we went over, we created their maps. And so so basically there's a, an exercise that you do it's about seven eight pages, takes about anywhere from a half an hour to an hour to fill out. It's a starting point. And people will you know, there's like layers and you start with like the hottest stuff, like stuff you really remember the stuff that pains you the most was like the memories are seared into your brain and they're really, really clear. And then over time, we may be able to dig a little bit deeper under stuff that you haven't subconsciously remembered for a while, but we first have to clear the debris of the really the really hot stuff. So we go through the current exercise and from that we extract the maps. So the first so the parts of the map look like this. We first determine what your top three core wounds are, and a lot of the words can be the same. So some like today we had abandoned also with abandoned could be ignored or rejected or neglected. Those would be sort of variations of abandoned or ignored or so. But you pick the words that resonate the most with you in terms of your interpretation of your upbringing. So you figure out, because what happens when you know, when you're zero two, seven, eight, seven, your brain is just recording. It's not conscious, it's not making, it's not being able to be an observer. It's not being able to like stand back and do this or that. It's literally just recording data as as fact. So when your parents leave you crying in the other room for hours, you may record abandoned, neglected, ignored. Right. And so that's just a fact. And so these subconscious patterns that get recorded and created become beliefs. And from that, welcome to the rest of your life, like your entire life, every choice you make is literally trying to get these needs met that weren't met between zero and seven. So every job, every relationship, like all of your choices, are trying to get a need met that wasn't met. 

Rich Bennett 7:25
So it's basically therapy. 

JJ Flizanes 7:28
Yeah, but it's structured therapy. I have it, you know, after eight years of 

working with people, I myself have have my own sort of learning story of, you know, going at multiple therapists and going through a divorce and but also starting my own podcast to try to save my marriage and literally changing myself, taking responsibility for myself, doing everything I could possibly do. I had to get to the place where I had to say I've I've I don't know what else to try. And I'm a very determined, committed individual. I think most people give up way too easily and way too soon and don't work on themselves. I wasn't that wasn't going to be me. And divorce wasn't even in the question ever. So for me to get to that point, you know, I had to forgive myself to say, I don't know what else. Like, I just can't make up for what someone else isn't willing to do. And I have to acknowledge that. I believe that this was a contract and the contract is now over. And I this is where anyway, there's whole story to that. But and I have like podcasts upon podcasts about sort of my own divorce and what I learn. But when going through that, you know, I'd gone, I tried all different kinds of therapy and, and then so coming out of that and teaching people what I had learned and working with people to save their marriages, and I've saved more marriages than I, you know, unfortunately mine. But mine wasn't supposed to be saved. It happened exactly the way it was supposed to happen, period, because I wouldn't be where I am today doing what I'm doing and helping people. I had a client yesterday text me and say she just found me in February and she said, Thank you for your gifts. I've been searching for you for a long time now. I hear that a lot. I've been hearing a lot, and I'm not that like popular or big. So like when someone finds me like, Oh my God, this is it. And that happens enough that I got. I took a stance on therapy. If you have a therapist and you're listening and you love your therapist, it's not personal. If your therapist has changed your life and again, you are different in the same situation, good for you. This doesn't apply to you. I have found through my own therapy and other people that I've worked with, that most traditional talk therapy is ineffective. So after having people that would come and say they did two sessions with me and come out and say, Oh my God, that just changed my entire life. And I've been in therapy for five years, seven years now, ten years. And so I heard that and I'm like, okay, I'm on to something here. And so then I claimed it. So I did a talk. It's called Three Reasons Why Talk Therapy Isn't Effective, although I could probably make it five, six or seven now because the traditional talk therapy model is that you go in and you, you know, you're and think about it, you're choosing the path. You're not even choosing the person. You're going into a therapist. You don't know them, you don't know their background, you don't know their struggles, you don't know anything about them, and you're deciding that this person that you don't know is going to help you with your life. You don't know if they have any skills, necessarily have a degree. And then you talk you talk about what pains you and they may say, Oh, that's terrible. That must have been really hard for you. And then and then you do this over and over and over again. And then every time when you talk about the next thing that pains you and then all your 55 minutes is up and goodbye and you're not necessarily feel any better and there's no structure and you don't know when you're going to get better. And there's not necessarily tools, so you're just like literally wasting time stuck in the same story. Now, that's not everybody, because there are therapists, there are good therapists that have lots of different tools EMDR and hypnosis. There is a ton of stuff, but but the majority of traditional talk therapy is just what I just outlined. And so, yeah, if you're doing that, you're not going to get very far and it doesn't make you the hero of your own story. It makes you the victim. And I'm I'm about the opposite. I think that if we take responsibility for everything, literally everything, then you that's empowerment. Because then you have a choice about what you can do about it. If you were a victim or victimized, Victimized is different than being a victim. If you've chosen that, you're a victim and just stuff just happens, then you have no power ever in that position because you're a victim, because you don't have any power. You're blaming that person or the world or your job or you're your family and and you'll never leave that position and you'll never have power in that position. So there's nothing you can really do about except complain. But you'll keep you stuck in the same emotion. 

Rich Bennett 11:27
Except explained that to everybody. The difference between being a victim and victimized. 

JJ Flizanes 11:35
So from the place of, okay, so I'm going to have to take this a little bit broader in a and you can throw this away. You don't have to accept this. I'm just going to give some ideas if you believe that this is your only life. So whether you believe in God or not, but you believe this is my only life, I come and I die, we're done. That is going to shape your relationship to your life. That's going to either bring in some maybe urgency, maybe a little bit of pressure or or maybe not pressure, or maybe it'll be disdain. Maybe it'll be aloofness and detachment. I don't know. But for some people, if it was me, if this was my only life, I know I feel pressured. I feel pressured that everything I'm doing, like, what am I here to do? My hair to make a difference, my hair to save the planet. Am I being effective enough? Like that would put a lot of pressure on me. I would also definitely feel victimized and I would. I would question everything. But there's another belief system and the belief systems that you have been here before and you'll probably be here again. And that energy's not created or destroyed. It's just recycled. And so whether you believe in past lives or not, you know, that is a belief system for many people. And I'm 100% on that board for even just the physics of it, just the physics of if you've seen someone die, not the death of it, but like, like a part like somebody in your life that you knew and you go and you see the body, you know, that person's not in there. I was 14 when I saw my first dead body and I went, He's not in there. That guy you rather Father George, he is not in that body. It was as clear as day. So you know that our soul, our spirit is is non-physical. So if you understand that, then what happens when the physical body dies? Well, does that energy go somewhere? So anyway, but you don't have to believe that. If you don't believe it, that's fine. But from my vantage point, we do choose our lessons. We choose to come back in this physical body for a reason. Now, part of it is to enjoy things and to explore. I mean, you can't, you know, from a non-physical place, you can enjoy chocolate or sex or swimming in the ocean or dancing. So we're here to explore this physical body and to expand our consciousness. But but I also believe we set up we have soul contracts that these soul contracts, like my ex-husband for sure, was the soul contract that I came here to learn things. And with I need him, I need him to be I need him to do what he what he is and what he did and what I did. And and, you know, learning to forgive. If you want to come into this life form at this time and want to forgive you, get someone who does something bad to you in order to learn how to forgive. Right. So, yeah. So if we can take a broader perspective, then we don't make it personal or we can we can make it purposeful and not personal like purposeful. It's here for a reason. I chose this before I got here. I don't like this. This isn't cool. I don't want to be raped. I don't want to be. I don't want to be hurt. I don't want to be, you know, jumped like, okay. But again, go back to empowerment versus disempowerment. If if I decide that this happened and I have nothing to do with it and I didn't create this before I came down, then I am a victim and then I'm going to feel about it. I'm going to wonder why it happened to me and then I'm going to go down that path of of whether or not I'm good enough. What did I do wrong? And I'm going to get stuck in that. But if I do choose to believe, I wonder if there's a reason for this. I wonder if I might have chosen this for a reason. Maybe there's a greater purpose in this. Why do people get cancer? So they can tell, so they can change their lives and other people's lives, so they can have radical remissions and show people what's possible. We need those contrast in order to show what's possible. So so when you so victim mentality is when you and you we all interact with the victim triangle. So there's several people that have done deep, deep work on the victim triangle and it could be called the drama triangle. I think Karpman originally called it the drama triangle, and Forrest writes it as a victim triangle. And there are three positions. The starting gate position is like that. You come into the world as a victim or a persecutor, someone who is like the one yelling at people or the one who's punishing people or the rescuer, the person who's rescuing everybody. And I and, you know, and we all experience all of them at some point, but some of us have one that's stronger than the other. And it's just a story. It's a it's a relationship to life. It's a relationship to life and death. It's a relationship to your family. But it becomes this belief system that you hold and and if you get victimized, you can you can say, okay, why not? Why did this happen to me Like I'm a bad person? But why is there anything that I attracted that you know, was there a lesson in there for me? Was I kind of asking for in different ways? I didn't know it was I in a frequency that was worried and afraid of everything. So of course, what's going to show up? Things that are going to scare me. So so I think that while we can be victimized, we don't have to be victims. We don't have to decide that it means something about us negatively or that we have no control or influence. 

Rich Bennett 16:15
MM Wow. I love the way you explained that, because as you're explaining it. Yeah, of course, I'm just soaking it all in and it makes perfect sense. And I believe a lot of what you said to especially, you know, with I've always said you don't 

you don't start living until you die 

because you're right with that. You see that body there, The soul is gone. Yeah. But I love what you said about we're here to experience things, you know, whether it be swimming in the ocean or trying different cuisine. A little bit of everything. I love that. But something else you mentioned earlier and this stuck in my head and it baffled the hell out of me. You said you started a podcast to save your marriage. 

JJ Flizanes 17:12
Mm hmm. 

Rich Bennett 17:14
I explained that most people. 

JJ Flizanes 17:18
Most spouses. Well, I'm going to go. Most people. So your parents, your kids, your spouse, maybe even your best friend, those people have a relationship with you as you as you grow, change. They really can't hear you. They're not that you're not going to be their therapist or their coach or their trainer. So if you start to learn something that they don't know and they're not open, they're not asking, they're not listening. So when you're in a relationship, you can't be the coach or the trainer or the therapist. But I was the coach and the trainer and I would point things out and I would want to work on things. And of course, my ex-husband didn't want to hear it from me, but I knew he was open to a certain degree to information. So I started the show so I could bring on other people who he would listen to. 

Rich Bennett 18:07
Okay. 

JJ Flizanes 18:07
Well, that was my hope. My hope was he would hear it right. Somebody else. 

Rich Bennett 18:12
Interesting. Well, I like what else she said there, that in the relationship, you can't be the one trying, you know, which I guess. Yeah, it makes sense. Yeah. Yeah. You're otherwise you wouldn't have marriage counselors. And so. 

JJ Flizanes 18:30
Forth. Well, across the board though, I mean, my current, my relationship, my current relationship, I should say My, my, my, because we're not actually married. That's kind of the joke. We're fake married. But my my partner, he and I, he does ask for help from time to time. And we have done work together. We have gone to workshops, multiple workshops. We you know, we have tools that we use when when we're at a discord or when there's hurt feelings or something. So but there are times where he does want me to help him. He doesn't want to go to a therapist. He'd rather me help him. And there's a time where I'm like, You know, I get to the point, I don't want to be your therapist. Go deal with this without me. Like, right. So because, you know, want to put that burden. It's only a burden. It just it crosses a line. Like, it might hurt your intimacy. It might, you know, it takes you away from it might make this relationship like a power struggle of like somebody knows something more than the other person. And so nobody really wants that like it. So it's not really healthy to do unless it becomes that you're doing it together as a couple. Not one person's a teacher, one person's a student all the time, but you have tools that make you even, and it's just stuff to work out what's going on. 

Rich Bennett 19:38
If you don't mind. Because when I talk to people, especially somebody, you know, like what you're doing, I love to hear the feel good stories. And with what you do, you talk well because of this, the Internet. And I'm sure you have clients throughout the world, right? Can you if you can not everybody can. But can you share a story or two about somebody you've helped out? And it just afterwards, it just made you feel so damn good. You just wanted to scream to the world. Yeah. Or brought you to tears or you know, when I'm. 

JJ Flizanes 20:17
Talking I am. And I'm looking right now for So I know that when you started this podcast that you do a lot of stuff in the recovery space and. Oh, yes, and I want to find one of the testimonials. Okay, so this is my client, Patrick. And Patrick came to me, his girlfriend is one of my listeners and she was in my membership and she was active in my, in my member area. And I my love event in 2022 was called Awaken Your Dream Life. And she lives in Florida and they live in Florida. And so she decided that she was going to come and she asked if I would be willing to give him the member price if he wanted to come with her. And I said yes. And the two of them came. Now, Patrick had been listening to my show when Caitlin would send it to him, and so he was open to it. And he had been many years in recovery. And he's a he's a nurse practitioner and he deals with a lot of the rehabs and he treats a lot of people in recovery. But we were at the end of the at the retreat, he was he was very active. He was very you know, he had no resistance that I could tell about doing the work. So he he participated. But then we got to at the end of my my events. So we do circles every day. And so we got to the ending circle and the magic gets passed around. And I remember the mike got passed around to him and he literally said, I now realize how much I still don't love myself. Wow. And and he and he, you know, and and then he we all kind of were very quiet by that. And then he passed the mic and I was like, and I'm sitting there looking at him, waiting for him to look up at me, because I was like, No, no, no, we're not going to this is not going to end like that. He's not going to need No, no, no. So I looked at him because someone else started to speak and I was like, No, stop. And I waited till I made eye contact. And I said, Can I help you? And he said, Yeah. So then he joined what is now called my rewiring Core pattern program. But it was back then, it was called my six month deep dive. So he had done last year my six month deep dive and insights. Want to read what he wrote about that Patrick is a anyway okay so he said being able to stand in front of a room of people and joyfully announce that I love and respect the man that I am today is not something that it was on my radar before I started the six month deep dive program in January of 20, 23. After years of therapy, reading self-help books and going on spiritual journeys, I still felt like the young, wounded child of my youth riddled with self-hate, self criticism, self doubt, constantly worrying about everything. I believe that if I could only control everything and everyone, then I could finally be happy and content. This delusion only perpetuated my frustration with every aspect of my life. After completing the six month deep dive program, I learned what has been at the root of my self-destructive actions, along with uncovering the exact nature of my misguided beliefs, I sincerely recommend, without any reservation, investing in yourself by joining one of Georgia's upcoming programs. 

Rich Bennett 23:17
Wow. 

JJ Flizanes 23:18
So what I want to say, and I hope this is okay and you can argue with me or tell me that is what I want to say to the people in the recovery programs is that it's not enough and that that whatever you're recovering from is it's not about the thing. I am not that I'm suggesting. Everybody go back and revisit the thing that put you into rehab in the first place. But if it has power over you and it has power over you, and it's not about losing the because we all have addictions and and if you lose your shit because you drank, then you were going to lose your shit anyway. And it's not the alcohol's fault. It's what's underneath. And, and most people go detox and they get out of whatever they're doing, whether it be drugs or alcohol or whatever. And then they think, oh well I'm a year, ten years sober. I'm like, I don't care. You're still the angry person you were then. You just don't know how to now. You're now you're now you're addicted to meetings or now you're smoking or now you're overeating or now you're a control freak. But you the addiction energy didn't leave you because you stopped doing the thing right. And too often Patrick had been that way. And recovery got him to a certain point of not of, okay, now he doesn't do drugs and he doesn't drink, but he wasn't happy and he was still like he still was unhappy on the inside. He just controlled himself better. Right? So we still have addicted behaviors. If you don't understand what pain is, you drives you to numb it in the first place. It's not the alcohol's fault. It's not the drugs fault. It's not the food's fault. It's it's whatever. It's these core wounds. It's this belief system about who you are in the world. And his and he did not like himself, and now he loves himself. He is doing boxing matches. He just won his next boxing match last week. 

Rich Bennett 24:55
Oh, wow. 

JJ Flizanes 24:56
You know, and it's it's been an amazing transformation. He's a confident, happy, successful. He was successful before. He wasn't confident. And and his self-talk was horrible and he didn't know how to accept a compliment. And he was a rage monster behind the wheel of a car. And and I don't know that I don't know how much better that is. I know that's better. But it will be interesting. I should ask him now. I'll see him next week in Florida or in Mexico, because he's still with me. He's now on my mastermind program and I'm going to see him next week in Mexico. So but I will ask him because we kept working on that. But just generally, I mean, he looks different. He and his he vibrates differently. But I have I have so many of those. You know, I had a woman I'll just read this last month with Jane. So so this client, she had cancer. She came out of her cancer. She was doing following certain people that I was working with and being referred to. And her doctor. This is to prove that your emotions will affect your physicality. The emotions to me are the most important piece, hands down. Now, the physical body is definitely important, but the but as Bruce Lipton wrote in Biology of Belief, your beliefs affect your biology and shape your biology, genetics, epigenetics and genetics. Epigenetics, which is behavior and emotions and environment, influences your genes, expression. So it's not about your genes has nothing to do with your genes. In fact, there's only six different genes that don't get influenced by environment that are always going to be the way they are. Otherwise, all the rest of your genes, all of them. There's no cancer gene, get turned on or off and get influenced by your environment and by your internal environment. How you think, how you feel, what you expose yourself to. So everything is very changeable. And this one client, she couldn't get her agency, which is your blood sugar. She couldn't get it down, and her naturopathic doctor wanted it lower than what it was. And they tried everything from fasting and different supplements and different diet programs. And and she, you know, when you have cancer and you get over cancer, like, you're always afraid cancer is going to come back and you get going and you get convinced that it's physical. And so I kept saying, no, Jane. And so we had a conversation anyway. So this is what she said. But there's a whole I did a whole podcast with her about this. They say when the student is ready, the teacher appears. And for me that could not be more true. I started working with JJ in 2023 and a three month beta program that was so successful for me that I wanted more and extend it for two more months. The change in growth I have seen in myself has really been monumental. As a cancer thriver, I was very focused on all the physical aspects of my healing when in fact the emotional ones are the most potent. And I saw that in running labs and seeing improvements in areas that I could not explain other than really getting in touch with my deeper self. So it's been amazing. It's really been amazing. Journey. I cannot wait to see what the future holds for me. JJ is the bomb so and she's currently with me and in a program but you know this is I get this often people will listen to my show and have their lives be changed. But when you step into doing like doing this kind of core wound work, yeah, you will come out a different person. You can't. You have to because we're literally rewiring your core wounds. We're changing the program. We're changing the program that has been operating your life that you haven't even known. Was there like the program of healing devalued or ignored or abandoned or like that is running your life. And until you understand that and know what to do about it and do it, then you don't get away from it. 

Rich Bennett 28:07
How often do you do these retreats. 

JJ Flizanes 28:09
Or my in-person live events which change all the time. I was doing them every year and they took last year off. My next one is this coming October. It's called the Embodied Healing Intensive, and it's in October, the first week in October, but it's not. And that will be a huge 

physical somatic like experience of healing where we're kind of we're being like we're connecting with our bodies more because our subconscious lives in our bodies. But this rewiring a cool and patterned program, I do it once a year because it's like a six month program, because it's a deep dive and it's a small group, but people can buy my roadmap to emotional healing and at least get some of that information to start. It's a it's a program that you can buy and do it like a home study course. You won't have the thorough map because I kept making it better and better and better after I made that program. Right. But at least it's a place to start to understand what your core wounds are. You'll get a general map and and I think that's a value. 

Rich Bennett 29:08
So where can people find that? 

JJ Flizanes 29:09
JD For Gamescom, if you go to my website, there's a tab for like online programs or courses. I think it's courses, right? And you'll find it. It's probably at the top, I believe the the roadmap to emotional healing. But if you go but honestly, if you're you're not going to go straight there and buy it because you don't know me yet. You don't know like and trust me and I would I would invite people to go on the website. And that's three reasons why talk therapy, that's a 90 minute free class that I have. And you can take that class and then it will lead you to the roadmap. It'll tell you sort of why, like it's the reason, it's the solution. The problem is that you don't have a map, right? Because even with men like my ex-husband didn't want to go to therapy because what guy wants to go to therapy? Because, like, literally, there's no structure you don't even know. Okay, to come and just talk about what And then when do I know if I'm better and when do I know when I'm done? Like there's just no structure to most talk therapy. So that's one of the reasons why I knew, like he getting him to go to therapy was like pulling teeth, not because he didn't want to talk, but because he didn't understand why he needed to pay for it and what he was going to get out of it. And when he like, because he did he he hear that people been in therapy for years and years and years and years and years. And you you know, those people, they aren't any better. You see them, they react to the same things in the same way. So, you know, therapy doesn't have a really good track record with especially with men and then with women who whose friends that are hypersensitive or whatever they either their problems, their problems aren't any better, but yet they go to a therapist for ten years. 

Rich Bennett 30:39
That's one thing I've never understood about, you know, seeing a therapist, because a lot of times how many times you end up talking about the same thing. It's like watching a rerun of a of a TV show. You're constantly repeating yourself something you said about Patrick, and I believe it is. We've talked about this in the recovery field when it comes to addiction, people often, you know, they become addicted because there's something else that they're running away from, whether it's some type of childhood trauma or something else. So emotional healing and correct me if I'm wrong, but emotional healing often involves confronting, like your deep seated fear or belief, correct? 

JJ Flizanes 31:31
Well, the way we do it, the way I do it with the core wound map and the rewiring starts with just from an observer perspective of acknowledging it. If emotions come up, that's great. We do work on it's not necessarily about excavating the negative. For me, it's really about creating more positive and and rewiring. Now that doesn't mean you're not going to be afraid. So part of rewiring. So think of, well, I'll just tell a story about my cats. My my partner and I. We rented an RV for the very first time for both of us ever last October. And we took it for five days up and down California. And just because I wanted to, I'm like, There are so many places we don't stop. When we drive through places, I'm like, Let's just stay here. And I wanted to take two. We have five cats. I want to take two of the five cats. Well, I well, one's kind of an indoor outdoor, but and the other one was a was a deal like we had to take her in order to get the fourth one who was being evicted from his house. So anyway, we have our five cats. Actually, they're awesome. But we I want to take the oldest two with us and when we got into the RV, when we were loading it, they were like, Oh, what's this? And they're looking around, they're walking around and they're checking things out. And then we shut the door and we start the engine and boom, they are terrified. And I could only imagine that if they could, you know, they were speaking out loud, they would think they were going to die. They were so afraid. They were they were hiding in the corner of the bed like a top tucked into their were so afraid. So then when we stopped the RV, of course, and they came out, they were like, okay, strutting around, Hey, what's here now? They're curious or looking around. And every time we start the RV, there would be again a regression of I'm afraid. And then when we'd stop the RV, they'd come back out, they'd be fine. On the fifth day, they were sitting in my lap as we were driving. Why? Because they adapted. Their brain had to adapt. Because what happened was that first initial engine going in, the moving of the vehicle was so terrifying that they were frozen, they were in freeze mode. So then when it happened again and they start to see the pattern that it started, then it stopped and started it stopped. Their brain started to make the message, Oh, you're not going to die. No, this sound isn't going to you're not going to die. You're going to be fine. And so that that's how we create neuroplasticity. You don't get neuroplasticity by doing what you're comfortable with. You create neuroplasticity by doing things you're uncomfortable with. So your brain gets to send the message of you're not going to die. You know, many people won't cry because they think they're going to die. 

Rich Bennett 33:56
Oh, I. 

JJ Flizanes 33:57
Know. Like literally. 

Rich Bennett 33:58
Wait a minute. 

JJ Flizanes 33:59
Why did they think that? Because they act as if they're going to die. Like if they cry, like they hold back, they fight crying so much, they fight letting go because they don't. That freefall, that lack of control, that vulnerability feels so scary. It literally equates like, I'm going to die. I'm like, I have to remind people, you're not going to die. In fact, you'll live better. But I have watched people at my events. One other woman with cancer, with her hands over her, she refused to allow her emotions out until the very end. And I'm like, You have to let them out for you to heal. 

Rich Bennett 34:32
So yeah. 

JJ Flizanes 34:33
But but people think if I like people aren't willing, they don't understand how emotions work or how to process emotion. So they have a negative emotion they run. That's what addiction is. You're running from your emotion, You are numbing it. You're trying not to feel it, but you have to feel it to heal it. But most of us think we're going to die. So the brain goes again. It's illogical, but that that caveman brain part goes, Oh my God, I'm going to die. I can't allow this. But the more you you do it, the brain goes, Oh, okay, I didn't die. All right, Not too bad. I didn't like it, but okay. Oh, it's happening again. This is uncomfortable. Okay? But I still didn't die. All right? I can ease into this. And by the time you're done, like, okay, no problem. Like, you do it enough times, and the brain is like, Oh, yeah, we know this. You're not going to die. You're fine. But that's how we create neural plasticity is by doing things that stretch you in, but personally, very specifically strategy. So I have these these women and this group, like right before this interview, and we were doing their maps and, you know, and we've got I got two control freaks who are neat freaks. And they over there are OCD. And then I got the other two. I got one who I want to have more control. Like, I'm like, so they don't all so the recommendations are not across the board. They're they're based on your wounds. They're not based on some recommendation that this is good. This is bad. Someone that's OCD and a control freak about their stuff, that's not good. Someone that's full of clutter, that's not good either. But they need different things. And they don't all need everyone doesn't. Everyone does need the same thing. But we have to determine that. And when I did this first exercise, the original work comes from Imago Therapy. That horrible Hendrix and Helen Kelly Hunt created and the core go and exercise. And when I did it and I specifically sought out this therapy for my ex-husband and I years ago was like the last straw. And, and I'd always wanted to do it. And then I manifested the opportunity to do it. And, and then when I did it, I was in that office and I thought, Oh my God, why isn't every single person who's in therapy doing this exercise before they even come in here? It would save years. It would it's it's it was a roadmap. It was like, oh, here it is. It was so clear. And I'm like, No wonder why people want to go to therapy, because what the hell are you doing in there? And half the time we're talking about the same thing. I had a therapist who literally would not do what I asked her to do. I went to her for EMDR. I said, I'm here for EMDR. She goes, okay, tell me a little bit about you. I said, Great. I talked a little bit about me. That was session one, Session two, same thing, Session three, same thing. I want to do EMDR. Okay. We're going to get there. Session four. I'm like, Can we please do EMDR? And and her excuse was, well, you come in every day and I ask you how things are, and then you go down this rabbit hole of telling me what happened. I said, Because you ask me, it's your room. I'm telling you, I wanted to be EMDR. You need to guide me. But you keep asking me what happened yesterday or why you're upset. So that's why I end up talking about I don't want to talk about that. I want to do EMDR. I told you that for the beginning. So even when I went in there literally begging, writing her an email after every session, please, I want to do EMDR. I was done after six sessions, but because she didn't even listen to me, she just even I right. Right. Like I was. I'm not a therapist, but I came in knowing what I wanted. I want EMDR. Okay, give it to me. And then she won't even give it to me because she kept wanting to do what therapists do. Well, what happened? Well, how did that make you feel? And what? And are you kidding me? No. So. 

Rich Bennett 37:49
Wow. So after you left her, did she ever get back to you and say, why did you. 

JJ Flizanes 37:55
Know what actually and this is a great manifestation story. So I teach a law of attraction. So in that situation, I was pretty pissed and I wasn't doing as well financially then as maybe I'm doing now. Like I was definitely in a in a in a tighter place. I was using my insurance for the therapy, and even though I was using insurance, it was still money I didn't need to be spending and not getting anything out of it. So after six sessions, I thought, All right, I'm not happy about this. And but I would never ask a practitioner, coach or therapist because I paid them for their time to refund. I wouldn't say it wasn't effective. Give me a refund. That's because I because I'm a person who also sells my time. So I'm like, I'd never do that. So what I did is I made peace with it. So I wrote down I was with a client, we had gone for a run and then we went and had some coffee and I said, okay, I need I don't feel good about this. I need to feel better about this. I need to make peace with this. So I wrote down everything I could think of that I did get from the therapy. Okay, well, I wrote this letter to my family and we did talk about this and she I did feel a little bit validated there. So that's good. And, you know, so I wrote down as much as I could extract that I got out of it. And to the point in time I went, okay, I guess that's worth whatever I paid or like $600 or something. I was like six or $7. And I was like, okay, that's fine. That's sure. Okay, that was $600. And then here's what happened. My insurance company overpaid her and she contacted me and said they overpaid me. So you either have credit or I can send you the money. And I said, Send me the money. And I got all my money back. All of it. All of it. Oh, wow. They double paid her. So she got paid. I got my money back. And I was so excited because that's one of the best manifestations ever. 

Everybody won. I didn't have to ask for it back. I felt I felt validated by the universe. I was like, Thank you. 

Rich Bennett 39:44
It's something you mentioned. There is Law of Attraction, which I believe in. It helped me a lot, but with what you're doing, you're hearing people's troubles all the time. You have the emotional healing, everything. So how do you, when you hear it, a lot of these problems from other people, how do you tie the Law of Attraction into that? Because I know for a lot of people when you're around, I'm just going to say negativity. It's hard to swing back to the positive 

may explain that right? 

JJ Flizanes 40:25
You are sharing your interpretation of how it works. 

Rich Bennett 40:29
Okay. 

JJ Flizanes 40:31
So you're explaining it just perfectly. But let me let me adjust your interpretation. Let me let me. Okay. So Law of Attraction works, whether you believe in it or not, it's it's about a frequency and a resonance. Okay? When you are you manifest what you are, not what you want. 

Rich Bennett 40:54
Okay? 

JJ Flizanes 40:54
So if you don't know where you are, just look at what you're manifesting. So that's going to give some indications about some of the some of the subconscious beliefs, some of the core wounds that someone may have, because while they may want and do affirmations and they may have a vision board and do all the things, but they keep attracting something down here because somewhere in there there's probably a belief that they don't deserve whatever that is. So they keep attracting the at which they think they deserve. So when you're around negative people, if it bothers you, it's because something about what they're doing, like you're in resonance with it, it triggers something in you. So it's actually really good trigger. I actually the other day I, I there's a certain group that I'm a part of and I don't, I'm not very active in it, but I try to avoid it actually, because I think that the majority of people there are super, super, super worried and highly charged anxious and I don't want to be around that, but sometimes I want some of the information. And so I had seen a post and it triggered me and I acknowledged it and cried and I allowed out all the emotions that were there. I faced my fears, if you will, like I was like two days ago. And and once I spoke the words, I was honest about how I was feeling. And it dissipated. I got the answers that I needed because I was searching for some answers to something I couldn't solve. And then but my emotions were blocking me from my own intuition and so once I let that go, once I could feel the feelings and let it out, then I can come back into alignment. And I was like, Oh, I know what the problem is now. Like, I got my own answer, but I, but I was avoiding that group because I am part of that group on that subject. Like, I do feel the same way they do. I just don't want to be around because I don't want to want it to get triggered. Now, I could work on continuing to be with and heal that within myself so that I can go over there. And none of that bothers me on different subjects. I'm not as triggered. I'm not as heightened awareness. I can't be around scarcity and not even have it bother me because I can let you have your own scarcity and it won't trigger me. Or, you know, I don't know, worry and someone's anxiety doesn't. I don't have anxiety about most things. So anxiety is really just bottled up emotion. You have it let out. It's that's, it's stored emotion. But but I can see someone's anxiety and acknowledge it and be around it for a little while and be like and be totally fine because it because I don't have it in me. But if you're someone who's trying to control your worry or your and your anxiety and then you're around somebody else who's anxious, it will trigger you. You will not like being around them because it will bring out what you're holding on to inside of you. 

Rich Bennett 43:31
Huh? Okay. How many books have you written so far about all this? 

JJ Flizanes 43:35
Well, I've written three books, but it's not about it's not all about this. But I have. Okay, but I have a network of, like 16 podcasts, so I have ten years of podcasts under my belt. 

Rich Bennett 43:48
So what? Wait a minute. Hold up. Back up here. 

You okay? All right, so you have the network. You're not on all those podcast. 

JJ Flizanes 43:58
I'm on most of them. There are a few that I'm not. 

Rich Bennett 44:02
JJ When do you find time for yourself? 

JJ Flizanes 44:05
Oh, all the time. Not necessarily this week. 

Because. Because I have. I don't know when you publish your, your shows, but I, I, you know, so we met on Pod Match and I've been scheduling these of scheduled a lot. Like I really overbooked myself this week because next week I go to Mexico with my mastermind. In the week when I come back, I am hosting a live summit online April 17th and 18th. It's called the consciousness upgrade. It is live, It is free. And so part of the reason why I'm jumping on as many as I can right now is to promote that people can come to this free live event that I'm doing for two days. And because it's only going to be these two days. And anyway, so but normally I create plenty of space and I actually have creative spaces. Like we had a massage yesterday and I didn't do anything after that. And I work out 3 to 4 and I work out five days a week. I go to the beach Mondays, I take off most of the time. I usually take off Fridays. So I, I, I'm a I'm very efficient. I'm a master of efficiency. 

Rich Bennett 45:05
It's nice to work for yourself as. 

JJ Flizanes 45:07
I wouldn't have. I am unemployable. I couldn't work for anybody else. 

Rich Bennett 45:13
So with what you do, you help and correct me if I'm wrong, but you help people whether they have anxiety, depression, addiction, 

God only knows what else is there. Is there anything that you cannot help people with? 

JJ Flizanes 45:31
Yeah. If you're addicted to being a victim, I can't help you. 

Rich Bennett 45:36
Oh, oh, oh. 

I hope to God nobody's addicted to me. 

JJ Flizanes 45:42
They don't know it. You know what? Know it. Yeah. It's when you're unwilling to change your story. When you're unwilling to take responsibility, when you want to blame everybody else. And you will not. When you are waiting for someone else to apologize, to change their behavior, to make a different role in order you to feel better. I cannot help those people because you are waiting. You are trying to control the uncontrollable and you have decided that you have nothing to do with this and that someone else has the power over you. And I cannot help you because yeah, you have to that. 

Rich Bennett 46:15
It you mentioned it. Yeah. There are a lot of people out there like that, unfortunately. 

JJ Flizanes 46:19
And and honestly, I really only work with people listen to my show, not because it's a prerequisite for me, it's more of a prerequisite for other people because until because of all the things that I do and sort of the strong views that I have and the information that I have, I need to know that you know what you're getting into and what's really fun is when people are with me for years and years and years and then they, you know, when they're ready, they show up and they're like, okay, I'm ready now. I don't have to tell them who I am and what I do. And like, I'm not trying to convince anybody who's listening this right now to do anything with me, like, please, because, look, seriously, if anything, check out the show, it's free. Come to the. 

Rich Bennett 46:57
I was just going to say that. 

JJ Flizanes 46:58
Yeah. Come to the podcast. It's free. Come to the Conscious Life, the Consciousness upgrade summit. That would be amazing and see what that's all about. Because I'll be doing plenty. I'll do I'll be doing four sessions myself each morning and each evening I want to open into close up. I'll be talking about core wounds and explaining how I think that is really a huge piece of how we upgrade our consciousness. But I have eight other amazing world class speakers and doctors who are on this event. 

Rich Bennett 47:24
How often do you do the summits? 

JJ Flizanes 47:26
This is my first. 

Rich Bennett 47:28
Oh, so you're going to be doing a lot more after this because I know this one's going to kick ass. 

JJ Flizanes 47:34
Thank you. 

Rich Bennett 47:34
Hey, you're just going to have so much fun. You're going to be like, Oh, I got to do this again. Okay, We're going to go here and do this. Do it this time. Well. 

JJ Flizanes 47:43
Well, this one's online, which is why. And everybody can come. It's free. Everybody can come in. No, nobody's a travel guide. And I will I mean, I would everyone who's coming on this summit has been on my podcast before, at least once, if not two or three times. So I have a relationship with every single person coming on this on this event. And we're taking the conversation deeper. We're taking it for my my job. My goal is for every person that's coming is to be bombarded with so many tools and and free things that you can do to change your life that you will have no problem, you know, being able to make huge strides in your life after attending the event and you don't need to pay anybody for it. Now, the only thing there is an upgrade. If you want to upgrade to like keep all the video so you can, which I definitely recommend and people can and I have a code for that if they want to save some money and get it for $97 for like all 20, it's like 20 hours worth of information for less 100 bucks. But and if you're interested, reach out. I'll give you the code to get that. But. But otherwise, it's free. And I will. I would like to do it again. I think I would do it yearly, provided the success of it. Maybe. And I have a lot of guests on my show that I asked to come that couldn't come this time. So I'm hoping maybe next year already have the lineup of people I want to ask for next year. So we'll see how how well it goes. Again, it's an online event, so it's easy to say yes to. It's free. And then my embody. 

Rich Bennett 49:02
And what's the date again? 

JJ Flizanes 49:03
April 17th and 18th. 

Rich Bennett 49:05
Okay, so something very important. Tell everybody the podcast and the website. 

JJ Flizanes 49:11
So my flagship show is called Spirit Purpose and Energy. But again, I have other shows and so whatever they say, it's going be the same content on five of them. So it's health and wealth, spirit, purpose, energy, women, mental relationships, nutrition, alternative medicine and fit to love fit. Along with my original show. That was where I did six days a week for almost two years, and it was video and audio. I've got content four years like you will never catch up. Anyone like will never catch up. Like my current clients can't catch up, so it's fine. So that's why you got to go to cherry pick like what speaks to you right now And like what you wrote. So JJ for Gamescom is really the place to go. If you're getting this this recording before April 17th, you can go to the consciousness upgrade dot.com otherwise go Jennifer All saints dot M. 

Rich Bennett 50:01
So before I get to my last question, is there anything you would like to add? 

JJ Flizanes 50:07
Oh, I talked a lot and. 

Rich Bennett 50:09
Last two question. 

JJ Flizanes 50:10
No, no, just ask me the question. 

Rich Bennett 50:13
Well, no, I got to get you on again no matter what, because like I said, in the message on pod match, there's so many different. Yes, I cheated and what you know. 

JJ Flizanes 50:22
Oh, no. 

Rich Bennett 50:23
There should be things I could talk to you about. 

JJ Flizanes 50:25
Yeah, well, you didn't cheat. I just. I know that it's sometimes some people don't want to, you know, they want a little upfront to see if they want to go to the page. Like a little teaser. Like a little pitch. 

Rich Bennett 50:35
Oh, I in all honesty, if, like, with what you did because you did it. So I'm going to go to the page right away. If I see that it's coming from like an agency, I usually don't. I usually don't go to the page at all. But my last two questions, number one, how are the cats? They're great because that story, I just and I can understand why they got why they got scared, too. But the fact that they ended up in your lap. 

JJ Flizanes 51:07
As we were driving the last day. Yeah. Yep. 

Rich Bennett 51:10
And what kind of cats are any, any maku. 

JJ Flizanes 51:12
No, no, they're all so Tabby, you know, like, I mean I've got to. Yeah, they're all I got a one Luna who was with me. She's a blue point Siamese, so she's my second oldest. I have my first oldest domino, and she's white with little black spots on her. She's just a tabby cat, and she's. And so it was Domino and Luna. So I had my two oldest girls. I wanted to give them a break from the youngest one because she's a terror. Either. So I'm like, they need they need something. They need to be. Gets a break from her. 

Rich Bennett 51:42
God. All right. So for my last question, because you've been oh, God only knows how many podcasts, probably even TV, radio news, babe, Mags, who knows? Is there anything a host has never asked you that you wish they would have asked you? And if so, what would be the question? What would be your answer? And it doesn't necessarily have to be about what you do. 

JJ Flizanes 52:05
That's a good question 

or anything that I want you to ask. 

Not necessarily, because I normally insert myself. Like I will always find a way to say what I want to say. So there's really not 

maybe I maybe 

I life balance, life balance and sort of purpose balance. You know, I struggled for a little while with the model of, you know, leave your work at work. And but when you work for yourself and you do what I do, it's like, oh, like it's all very it's all very. And I went from I'm yeah, but I what I realize is part of my wound and part of my so one of my wounds is devalued and in doing the show and doing the work that I do, yeah, I don't need the validation from my client. Yes, I want to be effective in the work that I'm doing. So the fact that it keeps, you know, I mean, I didn't start it until I like I knew I felt confident could help people. And then when they would come in, then I would help them and I'd see how it helped them. And then I would see that I helped them more than they got in therapy. And I kept happening, kept happening, kept happening. And I was like, okay, I claim that I was like, okay. Because my ex husband used to tell me, You're not qualified to say that. And because he he because he knew what was right. So he didn't want to accept that. And because that would mean he'd have to do something it which he didn't want to. So he made me feel bad about it. And then, of course, you know, there are people that are like, you're not a therapist. I'm like, I know. And I had shame about that at first. And I'm like, F Yeah, I'm not. And thank God I'm not. So I'm going to all those dumb ass rules you all do that don't even work. So anyway, I'm sorry to be so crass. If any of you are therapists again, I do have a good experience with a therapist who I do love, but even she to me has her limitations. But I do love her and I credit her for helping me for sure. But she loves me and respects what I'm doing in the world. So anyway, yeah, I think the life balancing, I think you have to decide, you know, whatever that means to you. I get my needs met by providing value to others, but at the same time, I don't need to anymore. I've kind of healed that enough that I can pull back and just accept myself for who I am and know that I am valuable without performing for love or without helping other people. So I would just invite people to the things that you're really good at that you have a lot of value with. Like really value that about yourself. Make sure you're giving it to others and you're getting that exchange of energy, but not at the not at the rate of like you're on empty if you don't get it or you don't love, you're like, like, let the lesson really sink in for you that you are valuable. You have you are worthy, you are whatever you are, gifted, smart, blah, blah, blah, talented or whatever you need it to be. And that's good. And then when you get that, you know, and then operate from the place of being in alignment with who you are loving, who you are respecting, who you are growing, who you are, and monitoring the giving. Because a lot of us are rescuers in this base. And so we want to rescue people, but we do it in a unhealthy way that says I'm not valuable unless I'm rescuing. And I have learned how not to do that and to also just accept that it's part of who, like part of my divine purpose in the world is to sort of mother my clients. It's to sort of give them what they didn't get and to show them what they didn't get. But I do it sort of with a with a very strong punch in the face and then the hug. I'm not going to be like, Oh, that was so terrible. Especially when I see that you're creating the shed over and over again. I'm like, No, no, you need to change that. I'm very direct, but most people that listen to me that stay feel that. And and if you don't like me, I'm cool with that. I don't actually care. I'm not for everybody. But the ones that don't and they get triggered and then they want to blame me. I think it's really funny because I go, Yeah, well, I must be really powerful because I just because, you know, I wasn't talking about you because I don't even know you and you're mad at me about one last quick thing. I was being I was interviewing Terri real. She's a relationship therapist. She's got several books, and it was our second conversation. He's been on the show for me three or four times. And and we were talking about inner child work and on my YouTube. Okay, So people on my YouTube don't know me. They're looking for the famous person that I just interviewed. They're looking for Terri real. So, of course, I totally get it. They hear me. They're like, Why don't you shut up? Can you please stop talking? Because I want I came and I got it. They came looking for that guy. They don't know me, you know, my podcast. They want me to do more solo shows. They're cool. They want to hear more from me because they love me. YouTube. They don't know me. They're like, Who are you? Why could this be cool? Oh my God, she is so full of herself. She just can't stop talking. Why have a guest on if you won't even let them talk? Okay, I get that. So I have this person who comes on and says something kind of like that at. Like what? Mark It was. It was like 10 minutes in, 10 minutes. And this woman leaves this YouTube comment that says something like that, like she's so full of herself. How come you don't let him talk a lot? A lot. Okay. 20 later, she's still listening. And by the end, she writes another comment says, Oh, my God, thank you so much for being so vulnerable. I learned so much. I'm going to buy the book. Thank you so much for what you're doing. 

So just to say. 

Rich Bennett 57:20
I love. 

JJ Flizanes 57:21
You, it was hilarious. I took a screenshot of both of those because they were 20 minutes apart. You hated me and 10 minutes in, and then by 30 minutes in you were thanking me and buying his book, thanking me for being vulnerable because I cried on that show. I usually cry on any show when he was trying to therapy on. But yeah. Anyway, so that's powerful. 

Rich Bennett 57:41
That is pretty damn powerful. 

JJ Flizanes 57:44
Thank you. 

Rich Bennett 57:45
I love it. Oh, God. JJ, I want to thank you so much. It's been an honor and a pleasure, and I cannot wait to talk to you again. 

JJ Flizanes 57:55
So appreciate, Rich. I love to talk to you again. Thank you so much for the opportunity. Any time you want to talk, let me know. I love to talk. I teach. I love to help people. I love to make things clear. It's really fun.