Tammy Cox on Healing Childhood Trauma to Build Stronger Love

Rich & Wendy 0:00
Hey, everyone is Rich Bennett. Can you believe it? The show is turning ten this year. I am so grateful for each and every one of you who've tuned in, shared an episode, or even joined the conversation over the years. You're the reason that this podcast has grown into what it is today. Together, we shared laughs, tears and moments that truly matter. So I want to thank you for being part of this journey. Let's make the next ten years even better. Coming to you from the Freedom Federal Credit Union Studios. Harford County Living presents conversations with Rich Bennett. 

Today, I'm going to get kind. 

No, no, no. The truth is. 

Rich Bennett 1:01
Thanks for joining the conversation, where we explore the stories and experiences that shape our world. I'm your host, Rich Bennett, and on this episode of Conversations with Rich Bennett, I'm sitting down with Tami Cox, a transformational coach who's on a mission to help women heal and rebuild their lives and relationships. Tammy Story is powerful. She grew up in a deeply religious and restrictive environment, facing trauma both at home and in her faith community. After the passing of her father, who tragically died of AIDS. Tammy began to break free from those constraints and started a journey of deep self-discovery. Over the years, she's transformed her life by stepping away from the rigid beliefs and embracing spirituality, metaphysics and science. Now she helps women uncover and heal the root causes of their struggles, guiding them to build stronger connections and lead more fulfilling lives today. Tammy is here to share her incredible journey, talk about the power of healing from within and something else we're going to be talking about. But I didn't tell her about that yet. So trust me, you don't want to miss this. How are you doing, Tammy? 

Tammy Cox 2:12
Oh, I'm excited. Rich. 

Rich Bennett 2:16
Well. 

Tammy Cox 2:16
I love. I love surprises. So I'm. 

Rich Bennett 2:19
Ah, well, you surprised me, and you don't even know it yet. 

Tammy Cox 2:24
Oh! Ooh. 

Rich Bennett 2:28
Which. Well, I'll get into that later. 

Tammy Cox 2:30
Okay. 

Rich Bennett 2:30
But I want to. I want to because I had I don't know if you ever heard of Ashley Easter. 

Tammy Cox 2:36
No. 

Rich Bennett 2:37
If not, you have to get on your podcast. She is the first person that I've had on that is a cult survivor and went through the trauma and everything. Talk about the quiver, full movement and all that. She would be a great person for you to speak to on your podcast, which is the surprise. I didn't realize you had a podcast and then I listened to it. I was like, Wow, this is good. 

Tammy Cox 3:04
So you know that my podcast is very different from the normal podcast in which I take. 

Rich Bennett 3:09
Yes. 

Tammy Cox 3:10
Through a session in actual session. 

Rich Bennett 3:12
I love that. 

Tammy Cox 3:13
Yeah. 

Rich Bennett 3:14
I love that. I was I was listening to at least one of Kristin that when you got into the session, it's weird because I'm sitting back and I was like, okay, my boys blew it, but then I'm listening. 

Tammy Cox 3:26
You. 

Rich Bennett 3:27
Yes, I did. 

Tammy Cox 3:28
Good. 

Rich Bennett 3:30
As I. Oh, wow. This is good. You don't. People don't lose focus. At least I didn't lose focus. I was so. 

Tammy Cox 3:39
In it? Yes. 

Rich Bennett 3:40
Yeah. 

Tammy Cox 3:41
That is really good feedback because my goal for it is that people learn how to heal themselves. 

Rich Bennett 3:47
Yes. 

Tammy Cox 3:48
And they start taking themselves through these simple processes. I just got goose bumps all over my body. You have no idea. Like, that's exactly why we created this podcast, because we were like, What if we do something that is just different from everyone else where it's like, 

Rich Bennett 4:06
hmm. 

Tammy Cox 4:07
really taking. It's like, I'm going to show you what I what I give my clients and just imagine if everyone knew how to heal themselves and their 

Rich Bennett 4:16
Yeah. 

Tammy Cox 4:16
own, like we would just live in this beautiful world. So, gosh, that makes me so excited. 

Rich Bennett 4:24
It's amazing. I've even had people on. I have one lady on it. 

She. She taught me about tapping. I had no idea what that was. And I was like, Oh, wow. And then I had another young, young, young, young lady on who is a I don't want to say psychic. I don't like that term. 

Tammy Cox 4:49
You don't. 

Rich Bennett 4:51
Well, she is, but she she used that different word because. 

Tammy Cox 4:55
Intuitive. 

Rich Bennett 4:57
Yeah. Yeah, I guess you could say that because a lot of times when people say psychic, they think of the old days, you know, the one 900. Well, you might be too young to remember that, but the one 900 numbers and all that and. 

Tammy Cox 5:08
I am not too young to. 

Rich Bennett 5:11
It's, you know, and all that stuff. But and she actually had me come on her episode and she did a reading of me, blew me away They. 

Tammy Cox 5:21
Yes. 

Rich Bennett 5:22
I was like, Wow. I mean, I was just floored. It's amazing the people that you get on that you can learn from and that your listeners can learn from as well. And it's just, yeah, when you did that with Chris, I'm like, Oh, damn, this is good. I have to. I have to talk about that with her towards the end of the episode. But apparently we're talking about it now. 

Tammy Cox 5:47
Yeah. 

Rich Bennett 5:49
So when did you actually, first of all, tell everybody the name of the park is because they have to go watch it or listen? 

Tammy Cox 5:57
Behind the veil. Anonymous transformations. The anonymous transformations part is I mean, it'll probably come up if you put in anonymous transformations because we got enough on there now, but. The behind the veil. Anonymous transformations. You'll find us. 

Rich Bennett 6:16
Right? 

Tammy Cox 6:17
On YouTube and on all the, you know, podcast. But but to see it like if you it's it's anonymous so if 

Rich Bennett 6:26
Yes. 

Tammy Cox 6:26
you watch it on YouTube you will not see who I'm working with. You will hear. 

Rich Bennett 6:30
I like that. 

Tammy Cox 6:31
Yeah. And so it makes them a lot more open because when they come on, I need them to be if we're going to have a big transformation, I need them to be 

comfortable enough to take me back because I don't know how many you've listened to. Probably just the one, but they've gone back to, you know, when they're being beaten by their dad and they're they're going back to these really heavy places. And so for them to be anonymous is the freedom to just go where they need to go, because my whole goal is just the transformation part. That's what I'm committed to. So it's very cool. 

Rich Bennett 7:08
Yeah, I think he. Oh, God. I looked at how many different episode you have. I one was a 15 that didn't. 

Tammy Cox 7:16
There could be 15 out now. 

Rich Bennett 7:18
Okay. 

Tammy Cox 7:19
But it Yeah, but I think we've record we've recorded more than that. But yes, somewhere around 15. 

Rich Bennett 7:26
Isn't it funny how we record so many? But they're not all yet. 

Tammy Cox 7:32
Yeah, the Instagram buddy. Let's just give them all out at once. 

Rich Bennett 7:37
Though. 

Tammy Cox 7:38
Get the people ready and what their. 

Rich Bennett 7:39
Oh, and I've seen people make that mistake where they record. I mean, a lot of episodes and they release them on the same day. It's like, What are you doing? That does an iPad. Because when I started this, I was doing once a month. And then I went to once a week. But then thanks to iPod Match, I was getting bookings out the wazoo and I had two months of recordings. So I can't just just drop one a week anymore. And that's when I went to three a week. And now I got some listeners want me to do it every day as I. Nuts. 

I can't do that. 

Tammy Cox 8:20
Oh. 

Rich Bennett 8:21
Now. 

Tammy Cox 8:21
I 

Rich Bennett 8:21
So. 

Tammy Cox 8:22
mean, I've been on this one POD podcast. He does it every day. 

Rich Bennett 8:28
Is that next level? 

Tammy Cox 8:29
Yes. 

Rich Bennett 8:30
Yeah. Yeah. 

Tammy Cox 8:31
Any hos live. Have you done? 

Rich Bennett 8:33
Yeah. Yes, He's awesome. Both of them. It's Alan 

Tammy Cox 8:36
Yeah. 

Rich Bennett 8:36
and. Oh, God. His name just went right out of my head. He's going to shoot me. 

Crap. 

Tammy Cox 8:44
If it's a one, I'm thinking it's it's a guy and a girl. A man and a woman. 

Rich Bennett 8:51
Okay that may not be next level university that. 

Tammy Cox 8:54
No, I don't. That doesn't sound familiar. 

Rich Bennett 8:57
Yeah. Okay, that's. 

I'm not even going to try. 

Tammy Cox 9:02
Yeah. 

Rich Bennett 9:03
Yell at me. If 

Tammy Cox 9:04
Don't. 

Rich Bennett 9:04
he loses this, he's going to be there. Ridge, You forgot my name. That festers like, Holy cow. 

Tammy Cox 9:10
Well, when you do a lot of podcasts, like there's so many names like. 

Rich Bennett 9:15
Oh, yeah. Yeah. But the thing we just communicated not too long ago on Facebook because a friend of mine had him on his show. 

Tammy Cox 9:23
Oh, you're. 

Rich Bennett 9:24
And I was. Yeah, I, I. 

Tammy Cox 9:25
Hopefully he won't hear this. 

Rich Bennett 9:29
Hey, wait a minute. Thanks a lot, Tammy. 

Tammy Cox 9:32
The one episode. 

Rich Bennett 9:33
So what made you. Because I love what you're doing with the podcast. But what actually made you decide to do it and do it the way you're doing it? Oh. 

Tammy Cox 9:44
Oh, that was my husband. But all the great ideas that for my business are my husband's ideas. He's. He's the. He's the manager of this operation. 

So yeah, I, I, he, he came up with the idea he wanted to do something really different and he had this idea a couple of years ago, but I was really resistant. I was like, I don't want to do a podcast. I got to focus on the business and the it just seemed like it would be so much, but, but I don't know. When he brought up the idea again recently, he must have had some new changes to it because I'm like, Ooh, that would be so fun for me. 

Rich Bennett 10:27
Yeah. 

Tammy Cox 10:28
It's got to be fun. Like, I don't do anything in my business that's not fun for me because I know it's just not going to it's going to be draining, right? I have to love it. And so he came up with the idea. I said, Let's let's do it. And we did, because we tried doing a podcast a couple years ago and I was doing it with a friend and the concept did not work out like she wasn't in the same field as me. So it just kind of. 

Rich Bennett 10:55
Oh, 

Tammy Cox 10:56
Got weird. Like, 

Rich Bennett 10:57
yeah. 

Tammy Cox 10:57
it just wasn't. It wasn't what I wanted. But this concept, I'm like, I love it because I get to do what I love. 

Rich Bennett 11:04
Right. 

Tammy Cox 11:06
And they get to benefit. And it's someone who gets they basically get a freebie from me. You know, they get a free session, something that is worth a lot of money and they get 

Rich Bennett 11:17
Yeah. 

Tammy Cox 11:17
it for free. So it's like that's a whole. 

Rich Bennett 11:21
How has it actually helped your business as well? 

Tammy Cox 11:23
Yes. 

Rich Bennett 11:24
And it's made your business even more fun, hasn't it? 

Tammy Cox 11:27
Uh huh. Exactly. 

Rich Bennett 11:28
And I think that's where a lot of business owners are missing out. 

Tammy Cox 11:31
Yep. I mean, don't get me wrong, it's a lot of work. If I didn't have my husband doing the other like he. I do the front half of this business. He does everything behind the scenes. If I didn't have him, I wouldn't be doing it. So I totally get why people don't. But yeah, it's like it just adds another layer to the business and to like really getting your your stuff out. 

Rich Bennett 11:58
So was it him that convinced you to be guest on podcasts as well? 

Tammy Cox 12:03
Yep. 

Rich Bennett 12:04
Tammy. 

Tammy Cox 12:07
I know he's the genius behind what I do. If he wasn't book like he books All my sport by sports. Like, I don't I don't I don't do this you know he gets me on and I get to do the part that I love which is toxic for humans like you be on podcasts like this. I love the speaking part. 

Rich Bennett 12:28
Right. 

Tammy Cox 12:29
I love the transfer, taking people through the transformations. I love all the front half of this stuff, but if I was doing the back half of my business, I wouldn't be doing all the things I'm doing, you know? 

Rich Bennett 12:40
So he does the editing and everything. 

Tammy Cox 12:43
Does all of it. 

Rich Bennett 12:44
That takes a lot of pressure off you. 

You got to have. You got to love doing that. 

Tammy Cox 12:51
Yeah. You got to have a team, too. I'm a firm believer that everyone gets to do their zone of genius. And when everyone does their zone of genius and focuses on that, only then they're not depleted. Because think about all those little parts of your business that if you had to do them, it would be completely depleting. You know, like, I don't I don't subscribe to that. 

Rich Bennett 13:13
Yeah. Yeah. The other thing is, too, because I've had people approach me, they're like, Well, you know, we can do the editing for you. It's like, No, you know, Roxanne, I love doing it. 

Tammy Cox 13:23
Yeah. 

Rich Bennett 13:24
You know, I mean, I hated it when I first started it. A one hour episode would take me 8 hours to edit. 

Tammy Cox 13:30
Oh. 

Rich Bennett 13:30
Oh, yeah. But now it's with the software I use and I got it down to a science. It takes me basically an hour to edit a one hour episode because you got to go back and listen to the whole episode. Cut things out as you're going probably another hour on the show. New to marketing. Yeah. 

Tammy Cox 13:49
Yeah. 

Rich Bennett 13:50
I just and what I see. It's funny because like now, as I'm recording with you, a lot of I'll learn things. But when I go back and listen to it, to edit it, I learn even more. 

Tammy Cox 14:03
Yes. 

Rich Bennett 14:05
And that's one of the things I love about it with the actually which came first, were you hosting or guesting? 

Tammy Cox 14:14
Well, I. I did my first podcast. I started, like I said, over. No, it was three years ago now. 

Rich Bennett 14:24
Okay. 

Tammy Cox 14:24
Yeah. So three years ago. So I actually started that one before I started guesting. 

Rich Bennett 14:31
Okay. Okay. 

Tammy Cox 14:32
Yeah. 

Rich Bennett 14:33
When did you actually start the business? 

Tammy Cox 14:36
Years ago. 

Rich Bennett 14:39
I love the way you did that. Hmm. Okay. 

Tammy Cox 14:44
What I'm thinking. I've had some people say, I see your eyes moving up and to the right, so you're lying. I'm like, No, I'll just move them everywhere. And try and grab that information wherever it is. Yeah. Yes. What? 

Rich Bennett 14:59
I'm glad you said that, because that's something that's always irritated me. People say. Yeah, if you look up to the right or whatever, that your lion. 

Tammy Cox 15:06
Yeah. 

Rich Bennett 15:06
No, I do it all the time because I'm. 

Tammy Cox 15:09
Not always 

Rich Bennett 15:09
No, 

Tammy Cox 15:10
if 

Rich Bennett 15:10
I'm. 

Tammy Cox 15:10
you're it depends. So right and left hemispheres of the brain, they have different activities for you. That's there's different information on the right and left hemisphere of the brain. So where you grab information from doesn't necessarily mean you're lying. 

Rich Bennett 15:25
Right? Yeah. I mean, you 

just when you're deep in thought, you're looking everywhere. Yeah. Or lots. Eyes are closed, 

Tammy Cox 15:36
Well, well, our subconscious mind, we kind of have all our files open or all the tabs that are open were like a computer. Right? 

Rich Bennett 15:43
right? 

Tammy Cox 15:43
So I've actually had one of my, like, mentors. His name is Dr. David Snyder, and he talks about how we have, like, all these tabs open. What's that movie where he pulls up an invisible screen and he's like, typing on it. Well, that's that's how our subconscious mind is. We have all these files and tabs open in front of us, and that's why we use our hands to access them. We don't 

Rich Bennett 16:09
Yeah. 

Tammy Cox 16:09
even realize we're doing it, but when we're looking in different places, we're actually just accessing information that we have within our codes, within our little to to do to do our little 

Rich Bennett 16:21
Uh huh. 

Tammy Cox 16:21
system here. So yeah. 

Rich Bennett 16:25
Dr. David Snyder. Why not? Why is that name Sanford? 

Tammy Cox 16:28
He's big on he's big on YouTube. But I've adopted 

Rich Bennett 16:30
Okay. 

Tammy Cox 16:31
I've I've watched so much of his stuff and adopted a lot of his practices. He's the one that teaches the colors. You know 

Rich Bennett 16:39
Okay. 

Tammy Cox 16:39
how. Lot of colors he talks about because that's the two languages we learn when we're born into the world. Our first languages is color and emotion and that's the reason why I use color with my clients, is that they may not have the memory come up very clear, but they'll have the color. 

Rich Bennett 16:58
Right. 

Tammy Cox 16:58
Because So. Yeah. 

Rich Bennett 17:00
So you keep mentioning clients because you're a transfer, explained everybody. First of all, what is a transformational coach? 

Tammy Cox 17:09
So basically women, mostly women, come to me and they say, Hey, I got this problem. I haven't been able to attract love or I attracted toxic person or, you know, I've just I have this pattern with men. They have some sort of love issue. 

Rich Bennett 17:27
Mm hmm. 

Tammy Cox 17:28
And I go, okay, let's let's check this out. So they tell me the pattern and I say, okay, we are going to figure out where this develop from. And I ideally, I'm looking for the first five years of life because your entire identity is created. Well, some experts say 

Rich Bennett 17:47
Huh. 

Tammy Cox 17:47
by the age eight, but I really believe it's in those first five years 

Rich Bennett 17:51
Right. 

Tammy Cox 17:51
that are the most critical and crucial. So I'm looking for the seed that was planted and the seed that's planted is a belief. So when you're in a traumatic state, you're in a high state of negative emotion is all that it is. And there is a belief that is planted there. And that belief is so firmly planted on your subconscious mind that it creates this program setting. So what I do as a transformational coach or a trauma coach is I'm looking for, first of all, the event. I'm looking to expel or extract the negative emotion that was placed there on that event held within the body. 

Rich Bennett 18:32
Right. 

Tammy Cox 18:33
And then I'm looking for the belief. So what is that belief? And then that's it's usually I mean, it could be a very quick process. It depends on how much inner work she's done. But sometimes we can go straight to it and find the seed. But that's what I'm doing. I'm looking to move out that negative stuck energy, and I'm looking to find the belief that's the gold. 

Rich Bennett 18:57
But you don't do it using Reiki or anything like that, right? 

Tammy Cox 19:01
No. 

Rich Bennett 19:01
Just talking to them. 

Tammy Cox 19:03
I mean, I'm putting them in somewhat of a hypnotic state. Not. 

Rich Bennett 19:08
Right. 

Tammy Cox 19:08
Not 

Rich Bennett 19:09
Okay. 

Tammy Cox 19:09
me. Not deep 

Rich Bennett 19:11
Right. 

Tammy Cox 19:11
like you listen to one of them. So it's not really deep. I just have them close their eyes because it's really hard to access the subconscious mind when you're dealing with the conscious. We got to get that out of. So I have them close their eyes and I take them back in their imagery. Their imagination is where I do all the work, because that's that's where transformation or transformational work really works. Best, I find, is in your imagination. 

Rich Bennett 19:40
Yeah. So. Oh, my God. With this and everything that you've been through, which we'll get into, 

I mean, some of the some of the people that you work with have it's got to be hard on your mental health, I think. 

Tammy Cox 19:58
No. 

Rich Bennett 19:59
No. 

Tammy Cox 20:00
No, not at all. I because of the way I see it. 

Rich Bennett 20:04
Okay. 

Tammy Cox 20:05
Like these people are living with pain anyways, the pain is inside of them. They're sitting with them. I get to help them pull it out. 

Rich Bennett 20:14
Okay. And make them better, so. 

Tammy Cox 20:16
I just 

Rich Bennett 20:16
Yeah. 

Tammy Cox 20:16
help them pull it out. So if they're living with all this pain, which we all are. We all 

Rich Bennett 20:20
Yeah. 

Tammy Cox 20:20
have all this pain within our vehicle. I get to help them identify it and pull it out and get rid of it. That, to me, is exciting. 

Rich Bennett 20:29
Yeah. 

Tammy Cox 20:30
You have to see it that way. If you see it as like, Oh, I'm taking on like a lot of empaths. They take people's stuff on. I don't take it on. I help them find it and remove it. I don't let it stick inside me. 

Rich Bennett 20:45
Okay. 

Tammy Cox 20:46
The only time I really get bothered by my work is when I get someone who's very resistant and they refuse to do the work and they're they're not open. 

Rich Bennett 20:57
You mean during a session They refused to. 

Tammy Cox 21:00
Yeah, they have all these blocks up around their heart. So they won't, 

Rich Bennett 21:03
Oh, I. 

Tammy Cox 21:03
they won't, they won't go into it. They won't. Just like they're scared, you know. And that scared little child within them won't just let go. And so the first thing I say is like, I need you to be open. 

Rich Bennett 21:16
Mm hmm. 

Tammy Cox 21:17
I need you to be open and available so that we can get you the results you want. That is one thing that I need from them, is to, 

is to allow the process. So that's. That's when I'll get frustrated. I'll be like, Girl, you're blocking. You're blocking me because I'm actually, you know, going through the process with them, I tell. And I'm like, Thank you so much for it. I was that third person in the room with you that, you know, was just witnessing the whole thing. And I'm witnessing it with the goal. My goal is to help them release the pain. I have friends who are coaches who are like, I don't want to deal with trauma that's too heavy for me. Like, why? Like, they don't get it. But I'm like. 

Rich Bennett 22:05
Right. 

Tammy Cox 22:06
It takes someone like me who was in such significant pain for so much of my life that can see it in a different way. 

Rich Bennett 22:16
Yeah. Wow. 

Tammy Cox 22:18
I love going into the darkness. I'm not scared of the dark. I'm like, Put me in the darkest rooms because that's where I shine like. Be the light. 

Rich Bennett 22:30
And I guess a lot of people and the reason I ask, I bet on your mental health, because I would think that a lot of people would think that you're you're as you're pointing energy out, it's somehow another. Sticking to you, I guess, but yeah, it's not you're. 

Tammy Cox 22:46
I'm not. I don't receive that. 

Rich Bennett 22:47
Yeah. You're not receiving it at all. 

Tammy Cox 22:49
I like to dissolve. 

Rich Bennett 22:50
You're helping them release. 

Tammy Cox 22:51
Yeah, I like to transmute it. I like to dissolve it. And yeah, I don't see it that way. It doesn't. It doesn't stick on me. 

Rich Bennett 23:00
I love that. I have to say, I love asking my guests, can you share a feel good story from somebody that you've helped? You don't have to use their name. To you. I just love to hear them stories. 

Tammy Cox 23:13
Yeah. 

Yeah. I had this. This one woman that I worked with for a significant amount of time, and she was having an issue in her marriage, and we started working together and her marriage just blossomed like a it blossomed. But the coolest part was when we started, you know, really working on the traumas and. 

Rich Bennett 23:43
Mm hmm. 

Tammy Cox 23:44
Fears. We realized because she had never had kids, she was, you know, in her early forties, she had never had kids. And she realized through our working together that she really wanted one. And so we just started working towards that. And she was pregnant in, like a couple of weeks. Yeah. You know. Yeah. Early forties for. 

Rich Bennett 24:05
Wow. 

Tammy Cox 24:06
Two. And. And now she's got this little baby. And if if we didn't work together, she probably would not have this baby because she. 

Rich Bennett 24:14
Right. 

Tammy Cox 24:15
Know that the fear was holding her back. Right. And when we identified that she wanted it and we immediately started working on it, boom, she was pregnant. Now, she also manifested a lot of stuff. Money started coming in. She started getting raises like it just started pouring in from everywhere. When we started focusing on this work, so it was money. It was a baby. But just like when you. That's like, my favorite story. 

Rich Bennett 24:44
Right. 

Tammy Cox 24:45
Because. 

Rich Bennett 24:47
Wow. 

Tammy Cox 24:48
Because we don't realize how much that we're holding ourselves back from just 

Rich Bennett 24:53
Yeah. 

Tammy Cox 24:53
because of fear, just because of old stuff that we went through a long time ago that we haven't dealt with. 

Rich Bennett 25:00
Do you feel? I mean, I know a lot of people are scared to talk about it, but do you feel like they're also ashamed? 

Tammy Cox 25:06
Oh, yeah. Shame is a huge issue. Oh, yes. Shame is a huge issue. Unforgiveness, shame. 

All those. All the powerlessness is a big one. All those things that keep us locked and trapped in the lower, the lower emotional scale. 

Rich Bennett 25:27
Right. So with you, 

if you don't mind, can you share with everybody what actually led you into this field? 

Tammy Cox 25:38
Yeah. Like you stated earlier, at the beginning of the podcast that I grew up in a home that was, yes, deeply religious. Very I was very sheltered. You know, my father was a controlling man. He was also very scary. He was aggressive and physically. Physically abusive, but then just really scary. And 

Rich Bennett 26:06
Right. 

Tammy Cox 26:06
when I say abuse, I want to make it very clear. He thought that he this was discipline, you know, but the violent way that he disciplined us and I'm using air quotes because a lot of people don't understand that when you put your hands on your kid to correct them or discipline them and you do it especially, he had this huge paddle that he used, a huge wooden paddle. And just the way in which you do this, it it is trauma. So 

Rich Bennett 26:41
God. 

Tammy Cox 26:42
he was very scary to us. So growing up in that environment, which was very rigid and controlled, I wasn't allowed to think for myself. I couldn't do anything that he did not allow me to do. So it was just use a really scary guy and but I loved him. So he died when I was 11 of AIDS. And we did. We had no idea it was the big family secret. So he's he's he was sick for three months before he passed away, so. 

Rich Bennett 27:16
Will you say big family? SEEGER You mean nobody knew he had AIDS? Okay. 

Tammy Cox 27:21
I know there were there were certain people that knew that 

Rich Bennett 27:26
Okay. 

Tammy Cox 27:26
it got leaked out to friends. And when it happened, like people just started disappearing because back in the eighties, baby 

Rich Bennett 27:34
Oh. 

Tammy Cox 27:34
was a drama. AIDS was a big. Like, everyone was scared. They didn't know if you could get it from a toilet seat from like they didn't. So anyone who did find out left our lives pretty quickly. So my mom learned to just keep it quiet. 

Rich Bennett 27:51
Right. 

Tammy Cox 27:52
And yeah, so we didn't know till about a month. I'd say three and a half weeks before he died. He was. He was on the couch all the time. He went from this. He was this big guy. He went from this big, muscular guy. And he just. Shriveled up like a prune so fast. It was. It's 

Rich Bennett 28:16
Very. 

Tammy Cox 28:16
very it's very it's very hard to watch. 

Rich Bennett 28:19
Yeah. 

Tammy Cox 28:20
And so, yeah, then he passes away. And I first of all, I was. When you're 11, you don't really understand death. So there's that part. I was really sad, but then I was very relieved because my dad was so scary to me. There was a relief when he died, and then there was shame because I felt the relief that he died. So I lived with a lot of really weird stuff, you know, through my teen years. Some stuff that most kids don't have to deal with. Just the heaviness of all that. But then really missing him, too. So it was very confusing. 

Rich Bennett 29:04
Especially with age back in the eighties, because it was was something that we a lot of us didn't know about yet. 

Tammy Cox 29:14
Yeah. 

Rich Bennett 29:14
Know. 

Tammy Cox 29:15
It was like the COVID. Right. 

Rich Bennett 29:17
And. 

Tammy Cox 29:17
Don't cough on me like. 

Rich Bennett 29:20
Exactly. Exactly. And I'm sure your mother had to be scared. Excuse my language, but scared shitless because a lot of the the spouses and everything would. Yeah, I always thought that. Well, if he's got it, then I got it. 

Tammy Cox 29:33
Well, it was. We had a friend, too, where 

he got it first. He brought it home like. Like my dad cheated. 

Rich Bennett 29:42
Right. 

Tammy Cox 29:43
Yeah, my dad cheated for probably I when my mom was pregnant with me. So there's three from my parents, my older sister who's developmentally delayed. She's all the way out to lunch. Ain't playing with like, you know, not even half the deck like she's. 

Rich Bennett 30:00
Right. 

Tammy Cox 30:02
But yet she got the most abuse, so I don't know. 

Rich Bennett 30:05
Yeah. 

Tammy Cox 30:06
So she was older than me. Then there was me. And then there was my little brother. When my mom was pregnant with my little brother, who's two years younger than me, was when they she found out he had AIDS. So they had been having she and when she was pregnant with me is when she found out about all of his affairs that he had was basically not faithful the whole time. So think about it. It she supposedly all that stopped with me. So at least my brother and I if if if this theory is true and he stopped all that messing around when she was pregnant with me, his come to Jesus moment, that's when he. Became a Christian and 

Rich Bennett 30:47
Right. 

Tammy Cox 30:47
and changed had this transformation 

was when she was pregnant with me. So that means that he had AIDS. 

Rich Bennett 30:58
Yeah. 

Tammy Cox 30:59
For probably all the years they were conceiving us. So it's this big miracle. I don't know how we all made it, but we did. But we had a friend where she did get it with him, and we watched both of them go. And I remember sitting there with the kids and thinking, That could have been me. 

Rich Bennett 31:17
Yeah. 

Tammy Cox 31:18
You know. But yeah, we're all here, so I guess. I mean, it's it's a miracle. And yet, like, we probably planned it that way before we came here. That's just how I choose to look at life. I, I believe I planned all, all the stuff that I went through because of the purpose in which. 

Rich Bennett 31:39
Yeah. 

Tammy Cox 31:40
So. So to answer your question, you know, I fast forward, I get to adulthood. I become a wife and a mom, and all my triggers start going, sounding off I. 

Rich Bennett 31:52
Shit. 

Tammy Cox 31:53
Yeah. So I thought, Oh yeah, the past is behind me. Whatever, whatever. Now, I had so much pain from my childhood that that I had dealt with and it all started rising up when I became a mom and I just was buggin. So I was like, you know, I went through many times since my childhood where I would get get into these very low depressions and even even suicidal. But the one the last one that hit me when I had a really bad postpartum with my second daughter, I was very close, you know. And so 

Rich Bennett 32:33
Right. 

Tammy Cox 32:33
these are the things that led me on my journey because I had to heal myself like I had to I, I wasn't going to take myself out of the game because I know how it felt to lose a parent. I knew that that wasn't going to help my kids, that I had to really I had to I had to fix me for them because I didn't want to continue those patterns. And even as I became a mom, I saw my father and me, you know, I saw. 

Rich Bennett 32:58
Oh, 

Tammy Cox 32:59
The abusive tendencies. Tendencies wasn't that I became my father, but I saw the tendencies and the potential within me and I was like, Oh, hell no. 

Rich Bennett 33:09
you don't want. 

Tammy Cox 33:09
Oh, hell no. I'm not going to drop that off at my kid's doorstep. So that's really what what drove me to heal myself was, was the fact that I didn't want to carry on those patterns. Like, I was like, I'm going to I'm going to change the trajectory of my lineage, my DNA. So. 

Rich Bennett 33:30
Wow. You're listening in on the conversations with Rich Bennett. We'll be right back. 

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4436406020. So how how did you I mean, because now you got people coming to you. But who did you go to for help or you just. It was all self-help. 

Tammy Cox 34:56
I mean, I started with this shit that I think no one should start with. It's. It's outdated now we know that. Which is talk therapy. 

Rich Bennett 35:06
Right. 

Tammy Cox 35:06
Talk therapy is is scientifically proven. Talking about your problems doesn't help your problems. You have to go to the root cause. So I spent a lot of years doing shit that didn't work. So the books, the seminars, the talk therapy. 

Rich Bennett 35:21
Yeah. 

Tammy Cox 35:22
I was looking for anything and everything. And it really wasn't until I started getting into that the trauma work. That's where my shift started to happen fast, which is why I do it now. 

Rich Bennett 35:34
Right. 

Tammy Cox 35:36
I believe that if we're not dealing with those first five years of life, then we're dealing with the surface level things. I don't want to deal with your surface level behavior. I want to figure out why you adapted that behavior, which is I really just work on that belief system. So. 

I just started working with trauma informed staff. I started learning different modalities dealing with that, and it was years process. I really. There were so many people that helped me develop the process I have now, but I developed it basically by just utilizing different things and found what worked. And I took pieces of different programs and processes to find what the fastest way I could help people transform. So that's what I do. 

Rich Bennett 36:31
So 

have you, 

actually. Have you talked with your sister, brother or even your mother and help them through their trauma as well? 

Tammy Cox 36:45
As much as they'd like me, you know? 

Rich Bennett 36:47
Alaska State could be hard to. 

Tammy Cox 36:50
Yeah. Like my brother has been on his own healing journey. He's. He's done. Something called life skills. It's it's within the church. But, you know, they kind of do a lot of the trauma work, too, and that's been helpful for him 

And my sister. My sister can't not. Like, my sister doesn't want help. Like, she just. 

Rich Bennett 37:13
Right? 

Tammy Cox 37:14
She sees herself as a victim. And when I when I try, it's she just doesn't want you can't help 

Rich Bennett 37:21
Yeah. 

Tammy Cox 37:21
anyone that doesn't want it. You have to be open. But my mom says I help her a lot. 

Rich Bennett 37:25
Good. 

Tammy Cox 37:26
I don't take my mom through any process. She's not she's not that open to it, but. But she like, listens to what I have to say because I have a lot of knowledge on the topic. 

Rich Bennett 37:39
Right. 

Tammy Cox 37:39
And I kind of talk to her about the way, you know, our stuff works. And so she's very open and listens and she says that I've helped her a lot. But yeah. 

Rich Bennett 37:48
But now you're mainly dealing with people that are having marital problems, right? 

Tammy Cox 37:54
No, not just marriage 

Rich Bennett 37:54
Oh. 

Tammy Cox 37:55
problems. Lately, it's been more women who are looking to find love in wondering why they haven't been able to attract healthy relationship. Or, know, it's more women looking for love these days. 

Rich Bennett 38:09
I and I don't know if you're getting this yet or not, but I have a funny feeling you may be soon, because during COVID, the kids in school now, of course, a lot of them are graduated and they're adults. But I think it was some statistics show that they lost like three years of their life being, you know, missing high school graduation, stuff like that. Have you worked with any of them yet? 

Tammy Cox 38:44
No, I haven't worked with kids. I 

Rich Bennett 38:47
Well, 

Tammy Cox 38:47
mean. 

Rich Bennett 38:47
they're young adults now, but I have a funny feeling they're going to be knocking on your door soon. 

Tammy Cox 38:52
Yeah, I would. I would love that. I 

Rich Bennett 38:55
Yeah, 

Tammy Cox 38:55
mean. 

Rich Bennett 38:55
because the mental illness from then, the anxiety and depression and even the suicidal thoughts are sky high from those kids now. 

Tammy Cox 39:02
Yeah. 

Rich Bennett 39:03
Said. I mean, think about it. They you basically took their life away. 

Tammy Cox 39:07
Yeah. Yeah. 

Rich Bennett 39:10
You're going to be. 

Tammy Cox 39:10
And I mean and you know, depending on the generation is like how they. We all go through shit, you know, every every last one of us goes through shit. Like that's what we signed up for when we came here. And it's good. It's good. I tell people this all the time, Quit judging the trauma. Trauma is good. Okay. Trauma is what informs you. It's. It informs the subconscious mind. Hey, don't touch that stove. It's gonna burn you. Right. It's not 

Rich Bennett 39:43
Yeah. 

Tammy Cox 39:43
a bad thing. You just have to know that you can heal the wounds caused by. You have to know that you're carrying pain around. You have to. That's what you get to shift and transmute. But don't. Don't go judging the trauma. The trauma is good. 

Rich Bennett 40:02
And I would think, well. Everybody's got everybody's got to have trauma. 

Tammy Cox 40:09
Oh. 

Rich Bennett 40:10
Hey, I don't think anybody is. 

Tammy Cox 40:11
Coming out of. 

Rich Bennett 40:12
Line. 

Tammy Cox 40:13
Rich. Coming out of the womb is the most traumatic thing. Why do you think we don't remember it? 

Rich Bennett 40:22
That is true. I never thought of that. 

Tammy Cox 40:23
The most traumatic thing as. 

Rich Bennett 40:25
You get spanked by some asshole. What do you. 

Tammy Cox 40:29
Or not. Like. 

Rich Bennett 40:31
Yeah. 

Tammy Cox 40:31
Like my firstborn. When she came out, she did not cry. She had the umbilical cord wrapped around her. Her heart rate was. It was a scary thing. But she didn't cry. And they were doing everything to try and get her to cry. Because you have to, like, clear the lungs, right? 

No, But all this to say the birthing process is traumatic. You can't breathe while you're going through. Yeah. And so, like, we need trauma. Trauma is a good thing. And pain can be one of the greatest teachers. But it's like we really got to look at our perspectives on things. And I think most people are just scared to look at the shadows that they have within them. But I'm telling you, on the day of conception, all Mom's DNA and Dad's DNA became your DNA, which means all of their trauma and pain that they didn't deal with are now yours. Congratulations. What are you going to do with it? Right. It is our. It's like I tell my kids, I know I fucked you up. I know that I did. I didn't know any better. I was just following the program. But you will have the opportunity to heal yourself. And I hope you do. But I can't make you. I've only done my part, which is deal with my own stuff. I've embarked on my own journey. I've decided to heal myself. And that's all we can do as parents. But let us not deceive ourselves. We dropped pain and trauma off on their doorstep, and we have the power to change it. How many of us are going to do it? 

That's up to us. 

Rich Bennett 42:14
Yeah. But you do work with men as well, right? 

Tammy Cox 42:18
I have in the past. I won't say that is the most pleasurable experience. I'll tell you about 

Rich Bennett 42:23
Really? 

Tammy Cox 42:23
you. Not all men are open like you. Rich, you are open. I could take you through a process any day of the week. Most men are not like that. They have far more walls up. And I've worked with older women that have this too. Remember how I said they're not as open? You have to be open. If you're doing something like this. You are open. Rich. But there's a lot of men that are so emotionally blocked they don't even have like you. Think about, like, the plug for the wall when you're plugging something in, like the vacuum. 

Rich Bennett 42:55
Yeah. 

Tammy Cox 42:56
They can't even plug into their emotions. I'm like, So there was a one man on my podcast and I'm like, We're looking for that outlet. We're like trying to get that plug in that outlet. And it there was just there's like, this wall, this. 

Rich Bennett 43:14
Yeah. 

Tammy Cox 43:15
And so I love seeing there's a lot of male coaches out there that I see doing the kind of stuff that I'm doing and I'm like cheering them on because I'm thinking, well, maybe working with a man that is open, that is doing that inner work that is like not scared to tap into his emotions. Maybe that is what he needs to be that open to. But yeah, it's frustrating for me with with anyone who's, like, blocked. 

Rich Bennett 43:45
Yeah. 

Tammy Cox 43:45
And men have that with their emotions. They just have this wall around their heart that is like really thick and high, you know? So. 

Rich Bennett 43:56
I know, I know it. took me a long time to open up. But then after doing this and talking to so many people that were here that have experienced trauma, it's like, okay, if they're sharing their stories with me, then I need to be open. And that's. And then I went on, I had a young lady on and she was talking about her trauma. She invited me on to her show, and that's the first time I opened up about my family. Never even knew what happened to me. 

Tammy Cox 44:30
Oh. 

Rich Bennett 44:31
Yeah. I mean, I kept it. Follow up for 

when did I do it? I finally opened up a couple of years ago. Maybe. So for God knows how long since the eighties. I kept everything bottled up and. Oh, my God, Tell me I'm not lying when I talked about it. Who? What a relief. 

Tammy Cox 44:54
Yeah, because that's shame you were holding on to. 

Rich Bennett 44:56
Yes. 

Tammy Cox 44:57
Yes. That's heavy. Right. It's. 

Rich Bennett 44:59
Very heavy. 

Tammy Cox 45:00
Literally so heavy on that backpack you been carrying around. 

Rich Bennett 45:04
Yeah. And an amazing thing is when I posted that episode, I even had cousins and they have that reached out to me and they're like, Oh my gosh, Rich, thank you for sharing that. I had no idea you went through that. And you know, I've been going through that as well as I it through me back. It's like, wow, I, I had no idea you were going through that, you know? 

Tammy Cox 45:29
It creates intimacy to 

Rich Bennett 45:31
Yeah. 

Tammy Cox 45:31
a. And that's the the issue that men and women have when they're in a relationship, especially a marriage. And he's all blocked off from his emotions. Because he's got all this shame, it creates a really unhealthy. You can't have any intimacy, right? Yeah. My husband was a police officer for 15 years. 

Rich Bennett 45:52
Oh. 

Tammy Cox 45:52
A quiet a quiet man, you know, basically. And he's an adrenaline junkie. So he loves to put his life at risk every day. He said, Give me the most dangerous jobs you have here at this department. 

Rich Bennett 46:07
Wow. 

Tammy Cox 46:08
So yeah, he was very shut down emotionally. But before we started this, you know, and we were very toxic, we've for many, many years, very toxic. That's part of my stories that we just he was absolutely in love, obsessed with his job. And I was at home and we were very you know, I felt very unloved by him. 

Rich Bennett 46:31
Yeah. 

Tammy Cox 46:32
Rejected by him. And we didn't have much intimacy in any area of our lives. And I was like, Yeah, I'm done with this. When when I decided to heal, I was like, Yeah, I'm done with this. But through my healing, healing me, I recognized how I was creating that attraction to someone like him. We both lost our fathers when we were young. We had very similar traumas and yet but our our trigger style was different, so. 

Rich Bennett 47:02
Yeah. 

Tammy Cox 47:03
When I get triggered, I turned into like a little two year old with a tantrum, like. And he would. He did the opposite. He would hide, get small. Get quiet. Like leave. 

Rich Bennett 47:16
Really? 

Tammy Cox 47:17
Yes. And so we would just trigger each other. And when he would get small and get quiet and leave, then it would trigger me and I. So we were just we had this very toxic 

pattern. And so when I chose to heal and I. Realized why I do the things that I do that and I started changing these things. He changed because I changed, right? That's why I tell people you don't need two people to try to save a marriage. You need one person. 

Rich Bennett 47:53
Right. 

Tammy Cox 47:54
Who's willing to go inside of themselves, who's willing to heal themselves, because by healing you, you not only heal your marriage, you heal your whole lineage. My family changed my kids changed every relationship. I had changed because of me. 

Rich Bennett 48:09
I was going to ask you that when you both were going through that, or how was that affecting the kids? Because, I mean, they see you. Yeah. You scream at him high in a corner, whatever. 

Tammy Cox 48:22
Yeah. 

Rich Bennett 48:23
Fact in really bad. 

Tammy Cox 48:24
Oh, yeah, of course it does. Yeah, I don't know. I mean, it's not that they. They probably saw a lot more of the bickering and stuff, 

Rich Bennett 48:34
Right. 

Tammy Cox 48:34
but. Not like we. But of course it affects them. They feel the energy like you feel people's energy, literally feel their belief system, what we call this aura. Every person 

Rich Bennett 48:46
Yes. 

Tammy Cox 48:46
has one. And that aura is just an 

accumulation of all your beliefs just swirling around you. And so, yeah, like, of course they feel it, but. 

Like we're all just going to we're all just going to go through our shit until we choose to fix it and heal it. 

Rich Bennett 49:10
You know what that sounds like what you just said there. 

Tammy Cox 49:13
What? 

Rich Bennett 49:14
That sounds like it should be a title of a book. When are you going to write one? 

Tammy Cox 49:17
Are. 

I know. I really should, right? 

Rich Bennett 49:29
Hey, I could even help you out with that. You just got to edit it. But I read your story, 

Tammy Cox 49:34
Yeah. 

Rich Bennett 49:35
and I know you're. You're going on podcasts, telling your story. But even in a book. Oh, my God, you can help so many more people and you have the equipment to even do a audio version. 

Tammy Cox 49:51
I would like that. 

Rich Bennett 49:53
DAVIES. Teary 

Tammy Cox 49:55
No. 

Rich Bennett 49:55
eyed. Shut up, Rich. You give me more work. 

Tammy Cox 49:58
No. You're. You're speaking to the choir. You're. You sing it to the choir here? I I'm picking up what you're putting down. No, I know. That's a thing that I get. 

Rich Bennett 50:08
Yeah. 

Tammy Cox 50:09
Like I. I know it. It's a thing. 

Rich Bennett 50:12
Well, I have a funny feeling. Come next year, 2026. You're either going to be in the process of writing one or it's going to be finished. 

Tammy Cox 50:21
Oh, my goodness. 

Rich Bennett 50:23
Well, because. 

Tammy Cox 50:23
Prophecy. 

Rich Bennett 50:25
Oh, sure. I mean, think about how or how many different podcasts have you been on now telling your story. 

Tammy Cox 50:33
I don't know. 40. 

Rich Bennett 50:34
40. How many other people have mentioned that that you should write a book like a memoir? 

Tammy Cox 50:42
I don't think anyone on a podcast has told me that. 

Rich Bennett 50:45
Really? 

Tammy Cox 50:47
I don't think so 

Rich Bennett 50:49
They're 

Tammy Cox 50:49
now. 

Rich Bennett 50:49
not listening. 

Tammy Cox 50:51
They they might not, you know, because sometimes when I'm on a podcast and they ask me to share my story, I think sometimes they're afraid to like, talk about my childhood. They're there's like to ask me to to ask me more questions or to. There's some there I'd say there's been a few more recently where we've gone into it, but most of the time it's like, let's just give us a basis for who you are now and what you do now kind of a thing. 

Rich Bennett 51:22
Right. Like they're afraid to ask. 

Tammy Cox 51:25
Or they're just trying to get to other topics that are more based on relationship stuff. 

Rich Bennett 51:31
Mm hmm. 

Tammy Cox 51:31
You know, they're trying to get to like, okay. Give us a basis of how you got here. And then let's talk about the relationship stuff, because a lot of people struggle in relationships. 

Rich Bennett 51:41
Yeah. 

Tammy Cox 51:41
I think and so for a lot of their audiences, they're like, let's get to the stuff that my audience really needs to hear about. Like how can they fix their relationships? Like, how can they get better in their relationship? Maybe that's it. I'm just guessing. But no, you're the first one who's ever suggested that I can remember that has suggested that I write a book. 

Rich Bennett 52:04
It's interesting, but it's interesting what you just said there, though, because I think with 

when people know more about you, I they're going they're going to come your way no matter what, because you are your brand. People like to know the person behind the brand and 

and actually with your business. And know the answer to this already, but I'm going to say ask anyway. You know, just deal with because you're in Arizona, right? You don't deal with just people in Arizona. You deal with people anywhere, right? 

Tammy Cox 52:45
Yeah. I only do online. 

Rich Bennett 52:48
Oh. 

Tammy Cox 52:48
I only go online, so I've. I don't. I have worked. Yes. With people all over the world. I had this I had this girl in Norway who spoke like five languages and. And. Yeah. When I was. Because before I branched out to all I. I just specialized with marriage, you know? Helping women save their marriage. So I attracted a lot of different religions, people, you know, because they're. 

Rich Bennett 53:14
Oh, wow. 

Tammy Cox 53:15
They're the ones who really. They still honor marriage 

Rich Bennett 53:20
Right. 

Tammy Cox 53:21
like. So it attracted people in other countries because let's face it, the U.S. doesn't they're not they're not idolizing marriage too much these days. 

Rich Bennett 53:32
Yeah. 

Tammy Cox 53:33
It's, you know, you attract, you know, differently based on that, which is why I kind of want to broaden out because working with people who are very religious, it's like they have these boxes 

Rich Bennett 53:44
Yeah. 

Tammy Cox 53:44
and it's it's hard to really heal when you're still in a box. You can to a certain degree. But we got to open the box and we got to move it out and a lot of them are just filled with these beliefs of like, it has to look a certain way and it has to the words and and. So 

Rich Bennett 54:03
Oh, I've. 

Tammy Cox 54:04
yeah, there's there's a little bit more resistance there. Right. It's like even with so even with my mom, who's still very deeply religious, she's like, you know, I can't use a word like hypnosis. 

Rich Bennett 54:19
Huh? 

Tammy Cox 54:22
I even asked her. I said, I said because she's the beneficiary for my sister. She's 

Rich Bennett 54:28
Right. 

Tammy Cox 54:28
her not beneficiary. What was called. 

Rich Bennett 54:33
Power of attorney. 

Tammy Cox 54:34
She's all that she gets to say. 

Rich Bennett 54:36
Okay? 

Tammy Cox 54:37
Fred, my sister's severely developmentally 

Rich Bennett 54:40
Yeah. 

Tammy Cox 54:40
delayed. And I'm like, I think a lot of my sister's because she got worse after my dad died. Her. We grew up in a very violent house. We were all like we fought on a regular basis because that was just it was normal we lived in. And so my sister is the most violent. In fact, she's been arrested probably more times than I could ever count because of her violence. Like, you know, just horrible ways, like pregnant women and like. 

Rich Bennett 55:10
Oh, God. 

Tammy Cox 55:12
Like she's just. But I said to my mom, like, would you let me? Like, I really think even if it's not me, would you? I think hypnosis could really help her, because I think that she was the most traumatized of any of us kids. 

So, like, we had really weird trauma responses, like we all wet the bed when we were much older. Like, there's certain ways, you know, that a child children are in a fear, a very high fear based state. We all we all had those. But my sisters were way more severe, and my sister was the one that my dad had the hardest time controlling. So 

Rich Bennett 55:54
Oh, 

Tammy Cox 55:54
I. Yeah. Because of her developmental delays. So she got a lot of she got a lot of. So I told my mom I'm like, I would if you're open for it, I think you should go to a, you know, a hypnotherapist 

Rich Bennett 56:09
yeah. 

Tammy Cox 56:09
like and see if they could really help her with her violent behaviors. And she's like, I'll think about it and I'll think about it. But I'm like, if you could if it could help her, like. But it's just that. So that's what I say with religious people. 

Rich Bennett 56:27
The mindset. 

Tammy Cox 56:28
They have these blocks of like. Certain words like hypnotherapy, it's like, just do guys just. And I was like that too. I was very deeply religious, too. That like that was that was me as well. I was in that system. And it wasn't until I started looking at how the mind works, the subconscious, the and it was really the science stuff I had to look at and say, No, this is a real thing. This is how we're creating our whole life experience is, is through this process. And so when you look at it that way, it just makes so much sense that we we're all we're hypnotized in those first five years. That's what happens to us. We're in the the what's the gamma. I forget what it is, but we're that's what what's happening in those first five years of life, which is why if we don't change the program setting. 

Rich Bennett 57:28
Right. 

Tammy Cox 57:28
That's what we're running. And so for me, it just made so much sense. Hey, I'm changing the program setting because those first five years were terrifying. Oh. 

Rich Bennett 57:38
I like the fact that you're going back five years to the first five years, because you're right, I never even thought about it, especially the part where you said when you come out of the womb is how traumatize it. I never thought about that. But it is. You're right 

Tammy Cox 57:52
It's the most traumatizing 

Rich Bennett 57:53
there. 

Tammy Cox 57:53
thing that will probably ever go through. Like, you can't breathe. So. 

Rich Bennett 57:58
Wow. Wow. 

Tammy Cox 58:01
My my first one I pushed out for like I was pushing for 3 hours. And her, you know, they they were very, very concerned. I remember the the nurse looked at me and she said, Sweetie, you have to push like your life depends on it. And I think because it if I would have if they would have had to give me a C-section, I don't think I think that they were fearful that she wouldn't make it then. And she looked at me and she's like you because I didn't know the heart rate thing. They were completely lying to me, like they were keeping that from me on purpose. They didn't want me to freak out, but she did. I'll never forget how she said, you have to push like your life depends on it. And. But 3 hours she was in that birthing canal that is a long time. 

Rich Bennett 58:53
God. 

Tammy Cox 58:54
Not 3 hours in the birthing canal, a 3 hours of just pushing. But like, I just can't even imagine. I mean, that. No wonder my kid's so strong. She's. 

Rich Bennett 59:03
And as your firstborn. 

Tammy Cox 59:04
That was my first born. She's such a badass. I tell people, I'm like, She's more of the parrot than me, man. She's 16. She's getting ready to. She's going to get her license today. But it's like, no wonder she's such a badass. So she was like, in that birthing canal for ever. Not. 

Rich Bennett 59:24
Two daughters are. 

Tammy Cox 59:25
I have three daughters. 

Rich Bennett 59:26
303 DA Now we're the other two just as hard. 

Tammy Cox 59:30
No. The other two, I coughed and they just went. Ha ha ha ha. 

Rich Bennett 59:37
Oh, God. 

Tammy Cox 59:38
The first one paved the way, I'm telling you. She paved the way. And the other two just they 

Rich Bennett 59:45
Damn, 

Tammy Cox 59:45
were. 

Rich Bennett 59:46
Damn. He's walking through the mall sneezes. Oh, baby. 

Tammy Cox 59:50
My other two were so stoked to come into this world, they were just like, Whew! It slid 

Rich Bennett 59:57
Oh, 

Tammy Cox 59:58
right on 

Rich Bennett 59:58
is. 

Tammy Cox 59:58
out. Barely any trauma. Yeah. 

Rich Bennett 1:00:02
The kids are wonderful. wonderful. I love them. 

Tammy Cox 1:00:05
Yeah. Do you have any? 

Rich Bennett 1:00:07
Yeah. My son. Oh, God. Oh, my God. 

Tammy Cox 1:00:12
Oh, no. Did I ask the wrong question? 

Rich Bennett 1:00:16
Next. Next month, it's February. He's going to be 

32, 32, 32. We lost our first daughter. So my other daughter is 23. Oh, God. Yeah. To two different mothers. But all my son is also 

he. My daughter's awesome, too. I mean, they're all awesome, but yeah, my my son, I always tell everybody he is Stevie Ray Vaughan reincarnated. 

Tammy Cox 1:00:48
I don't know who that is. 

Oh. 

Rich Bennett 1:00:53
You never heard of Stevie Ray Vaughan? 

Tammy Cox 1:00:57
Is he a. 

Rich Bennett 1:00:59
Oh. Jimi Hendrix. 

Tammy Cox 1:01:01
Oh, yeah. 

Rich Bennett 1:01:02
Okay. Stevie Ray Vaughan was. I guess you could say Jimi Hendrix reincarnated in the eighties. But yeah, my son is like that. He's he's a hell of a musician. 

Tammy Cox 1:01:15
Wow. 

Rich Bennett 1:01:15
Doesn't play as much as he used to because of his job. But yeah, 

Tammy Cox 1:01:19
Oh, tell 

Rich Bennett 1:01:19
and. 

Tammy Cox 1:01:19
me how to do that. 

Rich Bennett 1:01:21
I now. 

Tammy Cox 1:01:22
Joy, right? 

Rich Bennett 1:01:23
Yeah. 

Tammy Cox 1:01:23
Oh, yeah. 

Rich Bennett 1:01:23
And 

Tammy Cox 1:01:24
You got 

Rich Bennett 1:01:24
my 

Tammy Cox 1:01:24
to. 

Rich Bennett 1:01:24
daughter is a hell of a writer. I just wish she would get back to writing. 

Tammy Cox 1:01:28
Oh, 

Rich Bennett 1:01:29
But that's a whole nother story there. It's just. But yeah, they're both. Both. One, I wouldn't change anything in the world. 

Tammy Cox 1:01:39
that's. 

Rich Bennett 1:01:40
You know, it's I always they don't realize as I've never told them. Maybe I should, but they are my greatest accomplishment. 

Tammy Cox 1:01:50
You got to tell them. 

Rich Bennett 1:01:51
Yeah, without a doubt they are. 

Tammy Cox 1:01:53
You got to tell them that. 

Rich Bennett 1:01:55
And thank God they're like their mothers and not me. 

Before I get to my last question, is there anything you would like to add? You got. Well, I know I'm going to have to I'm going to have to link your link tree into show notes. 

Tammy Cox 1:02:12
Okay, so on my link tree. 

Rich Bennett 1:02:14
Oh. 

Tammy Cox 1:02:16
On my lunch. Well, there's there's lots of great free stuff on there. But if any, I'd love to put this offer out to your audience. If there's anyone out there who would like to be on my podcast. On link Tree is a. 

Rich Bennett 1:02:36
Applied to be on podcast. 

Tammy Cox 1:02:37
An application. Yeah. And I that I mean that I love like personally because we run ads for it, but I would so much rather have someone who listens to podcasts because for me the the. My guests who have done some inner searching some some inner work their just. We get so much further, There's so much of a bigger transformation because they've already been opened up a little. You know 

Rich Bennett 1:03:05
Right. 

Tammy Cox 1:03:05
how we talk about with men, They're like close. So tight, like a. But if, you know four women who have like, done their inner work and they're open or even like that one one man that I had on. It's just it can be such a beautiful you will have such a big breakthrough. Big because of that openness. So I love having like I love making that offer when I'm on a podcast because I would love to have podcast watchers on my podcast because you guys like you're just on your healing journey, you may not even know it, but you're on your healing journey anyways because you're if you're interested in listening to a podcast like this, you're on your journey, you're you're, you're wanting to find answers. You're into like, tell me the deeper meanings of life. You're you're into figuring out what this shit is all about anyways. So I just feel like if you're interested at all, or maybe have a couple of questions, come on there and just apply to be on that. 

Rich Bennett 1:04:10
Men and women are just women. 

Tammy Cox 1:04:13
Oh, if if men are open. Love to have them on to if they're if this conversation is fun for you. You want to talk about trauma? Come on. 

You want to. Come on. 

Rich Bennett 1:04:25
I'm thinking I'm serious 

Tammy Cox 1:04:26
Oh, 

Rich Bennett 1:04:27
about it. 

Tammy Cox 1:04:27
my gosh. That would be so fun. 

Rich Bennett 1:04:29
I was seriously thinking about it because like I said, when I was listening to an episode that you had with Kristen, 

Tammy Cox 1:04:34
Oh, come 

Rich Bennett 1:04:34
I 

Tammy Cox 1:04:34
on. 

Rich Bennett 1:04:35
when you're going through everything, I'm just I'm already getting the ball in my head and. 

Tammy Cox 1:04:39
Yeah. 

Rich Bennett 1:04:39
Oh, yeah. 

Tammy Cox 1:04:40
You were taking yourself through to. 

Rich Bennett 1:04:42
Yes. 

Tammy Cox 1:04:42
Yes, please. Come on. 

Rich Bennett 1:04:44
Yeah. Oh, I will. 

Tammy Cox 1:04:45
That would be great. 

Rich Bennett 1:04:46
So what is the next big thing for Tammy Cox besides the book next year? The. 

Tammy Cox 1:04:53
I mean, my big goal is really I would like to do seminar form. 

Rich Bennett 1:04:59
Oh, yeah. 

Tammy Cox 1:05:00
Such as I. For me, I thrive on a stage. I don't know if you could. Smell it from there. But I really do. Well, on stage. Yes, sir. I'll give me a big stage. And a big audience. No, I just feel like what an impact it could have to have a group together. Because when you're working with the energies of a group, can you just imagine 

the juiciness of a transformation? 

Rich Bennett 1:05:40
Have you thought and I've thought we've done this a lot on my show. Have you thought about maybe getting a few people on at one time on your show and doing that? 

We hold we hold roundtables a lot. I just recorded another roundtable yesterday. 

Tammy Cox 1:05:58
Did you really? 

Rich Bennett 1:06:00
Yeah, we cover a lot like we've done mental health roundtables, we've done addiction roundtables. We yesterday we did a marketing roundtable, we did a roundtable on Living a Fulfilled Life, you know, But and we've I've done it virtually as well. 

You know what? I'll tell you what. 

Why don't we do this? Because I would love to have you back on again. What if I get some people, maybe like two other people that would be open to talking about it, about their trauma and we can do either. I can have them say, Look, let's go on the Tammy show, or if you want to do it on this, it's up to you. 

Tammy Cox 1:06:44
Or we could record it and put it on both. 

Rich Bennett 1:06:47
Or that. Yeah. Or we could do that. I think that because I know a lot of people in the recovery circle, you know, there's a lot of trauma there. 

Tammy Cox 1:06:56
Yes. 

Rich Bennett 1:06:57
I've talked to a lot of people with, you know, they're going through anxiety, depression and all that. I was the same way 

Tammy Cox 1:07:07
Yeah. 

Rich Bennett 1:07:07
a lot of them still don't know how to control it. And that would be good. 

Tammy Cox 1:07:12
Yeah. Emotional intelligence is is what I teach. 

Rich Bennett 1:07:16
I will. We'll make it happen. 

Tammy Cox 1:07:19
Yeah. 

Rich Bennett 1:07:19
We'll definitely make it happen. 

Tammy Cox 1:07:21
Yeah. 

Rich Bennett 1:07:22
Tammy, I want to thank you so much. It's been it's been fun. 

Tammy Cox 1:07:27
Yeah. 

Rich Bennett 1:07:28
I've learned a lot. I'm looking forward 

Tammy Cox 1:07:30
I 

Rich Bennett 1:07:30
to. 

Tammy Cox 1:07:30
knew it was. 

Rich Bennett 1:07:30
It again. 

Tammy Cox 1:07:31
Fun. I knew it. I just knew it. 

Rich Bennett 1:07:34
Oh, stop. 

Tammy Cox 1:07:35
Yeah. I mean, the the it's so funny because the way that you. 

What would. I'd say lead the conversation. Reminds me a lot of Joe Rogan. 

Rich Bennett 1:07:52
Oh, God. 

Tammy Cox 1:07:56
Oh, my gosh. 

Rich Bennett 1:07:57
Oh, I love Joe Rogan. 

Tammy Cox 1:07:58
Oh, he's 

Rich Bennett 1:07:59
I 

Tammy Cox 1:07:59
so 

Rich Bennett 1:07:59
do. 

Tammy Cox 1:08:00
entertaining. No, the way that you engage within this 

Rich Bennett 1:08:04
Yeah. 

Tammy Cox 1:08:04
within this space as you lead it, you just remind me of him in the way you lead it. 

Rich Bennett 1:08:10
Thank you. That is a big compliment, I. 

Tammy Cox 1:08:12
I think so. I think it's a real big. 

Rich Bennett 1:08:15
I love Joe Rogan before he even started the podcast. 

Tammy Cox 1:08:18
I mean, I think I think your ten years shows. I think your ten years really, really shows. 

Rich Bennett 1:08:24
Well, thank you. 

Rich Bennett 1:08:26
Thank you for listening to the conversations with Rich Bennett. I hope you enjoy today's episode and learn something from it as I did. If you'd like to hear more conversations like this, be sure to subscribe to the podcast so you never miss an episode. And if you have a moment, I'd love if you could leave a review. It helps us reach more listeners and share more incredible stories. Don't forget to connect with us on social media or visit our website at conversations with Rich Bennett. Com for updates, giveaways and more. Until next time, take care. Be kind and keep the conversations going.